Self Disappointment

I always figured it wasn't as bad to disappoint yourself as it is others. How come the disappointment I have caused myself is causing me so much pain? I can't look at myself, and I don't want to be me.

For weeks (and by weeks I mean months) I have tried to lose weight by eating better and exercise. It has gotten me no where. I go in for my physical. I think my thyroid is causing my body to hold onto fat. Nope, everything is normal. I don't know what normal is. I asked for them to send me the results. I should get them soon. He told the nurse to encourage me to exercise 20 minutes a day! Are you serious...20 minutes each day? That is all? That does not seem at all adequate to me.

The other part of the disappointment is he only did one of the four thyroid tests. I don't think that is sufficient. How do I advocate for myself to get the rest done when they don't think the rest are necessary, because this came in range?

I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been doing something wrong all a long. And now with winter here, exercise is going to get less attractive. I just can't believe I haven't gotten this right yet.

FINALLY!!!

Lily is finally walking. She still crawls around obstacles, but she can and will walk across a room. I am so excited for her! Woot Woot! Go Lily.

I will attempt to take a video of her, as it is so cute to watch her wobble as she walks.

P.T.

P.T. does not mean Physical Therapy or Part Time...it means Potty Training

DCP got a potty for the 3 kids over 3. She has them lined up in the kitchen area. Two days ago Meadow was the only one of the three to go potty. She got chocolate. Today Wendy put underwear on all three. Meadow had a little poop in her underwear this afternoon, and Wendy got her on the potty and she finished. The only time today she had a diaper on was during naptime. She got lots of chocolate today. I am so proud!

She went potty when we got home. Then she had an accident outside with CHris and wanted to put a diaper on. I tried to encourage her to put underwear back on.

She can't walk yet, but...

She can climb onto the coffee table!

2-3-5!

Last night the girls were taking a bath. When they were done, Meadowput all the toys away. As she puts them into the mesh bag, we countthem. She would put one in and I would say, "one". Then she wouldput the next three in saying, "two, three, five!" I told Chris whatshe did and so he was trying to get her to do one and four, but sheinsists on skipping over four. When we say four she looks at us likewe have three heads.

I guess the number of the day is two. I just tried counting with herand after every number I say she says two.

L&M Milestones

On August 16th, at her birthday party, Lily took her first step unassisted. We were opening presents when it happened. She was trying to go from me to a new toy! She took one step and realized she wasn't holding onto anything, then quick sat down.

She keeps doing this...or she will stand unassisted for several minutes and not walk. I am starting to get frustrated.

Meadow has started dressing and undressing herself. She has no problem putting bottoms on herself. Yesterday when she woke up from her nap, she had pulled a 3T shirt up around her waist. I have such a goofy girl!

Dear Lily

Dear Lily,
I feel so horrible I didn't have this ready on your birthday, and at the same time I am glad I waited. I don't feel rushed. I don't feel like I am going to forget anything important ;)

I love you so much. I love how in the first months of your life I was the only person you wanted to be with. I enjoyed watching you fall asleep nursing and your involuntery movements in your sleep. I loved whe you would look up at me with a mouthful of milk, smile, and it would all come out. I loved how snuggly you were whie you were nursing or sleeping. You good get as close to me as you could. I would not change it for anything!

You are so layed back and goofy. Your personality develops more and more everyday. You like to explore all the toys and figure them out. I love watching you try to figure our how things work. It is so easy to make you laugh. Just making a goofy face does it for you :)

I love how your first word was "Mamma." And, I feel bad that you didn't bond with dad right away. It took months for you to like dad. You figured you could like him, once he could start feeding you. You sometimes will go to him before me when you want something fills my heart with warmth.

Love,Mom

Lil' Lily, Lil' Peanut

It has been a year already. I haven't written my letter to Lily yet. Bad me. She is truly a peanut. We went to the zoo this week end and some one didn't believe me that she was a year. She is so tiny, and the nurse confirmed it today - 18 pounds 4 ounces, 28 1/4". The doctor said she is doing fine, and we are good parents - keep doing what you're doing! That is such a big compliment. I will have to write Lil's letter next.

H-lites from the party

The party girl waiting for the arrival of her friends...

The cake with floating teddy grahams
Opening presents
Meadow thinks...just let me eat the cake!
" Mmmmm cake!" says the pretty birthday princess thinks

Happy 2 years!

Dear Meadow,

Today, you have been 2 for 4 days.

The past few months you have had a word explosion and started to experience more emotions. Sometimes, you get frustrated trying to express these emotions. Other times you get frustrated because we don't understand what you are trying to say. Both instances result in tantrums. Always remember, no matter how frustrated we get with each other - I still love you.

In the past two years I have learned to love and laugh like never before. I have experienced the worst heart ache when you are upset with me. Yet my love for you still grows. I have laughed so hard, because of something you did or said, and my love for you continues to grow. There are too many times to count where I think of you doing something goofy and laugh to myself.

You amaze me everyday with what you know and say. I love watching you figure things out and how the world around you works. Your fearless curiosity is astounding. You keep me wondering what you are going to do next. I often wonder if I will be prepared for your next milestone.

I look forward to spending many more years with you, Monkey!

Love, Momma

A lot going on...

If it hasn't been noticed by the amount of posts I have made recently, we have a lot going on. I feel like we are always on the move.

DH - is planning on going back to school.

If that isn't stressful enough, his grandfather recently passed away. He has been having a hard time dealing with it.

Meadow - her vocabulary is exploding. Today she said, "stinky." It was hilarious. But then again she smelled her feet and said it.

Her strength amazes me...

She is in the tantrum phase. She gets frustrated and throws her arms, and slaps something (usually the table). Then she will start to pout which leads to full on crying.

For her birthday she got a swing set. It is for her and Lily. Meadow loves it and her favorite part is the slide. She has thrown a tantrum in the morning to play on it on our way to daycare.

Meadow is a good big sister. She always says, "Lily!" when she sees Lily after waking up for the day or from a nap. It is so cute.

She definately has a mind of her own.

Lily - is officially crawling. She can pull herself to a stand. When she is upset she will crawl to me and say, "Mamma, Mamma, Mamma." It just breaks my heart. It makes me happy that her first word was, "Mama." She says Daddy too. Meadow's first word was, "Daddy," so it is only right Lil says, "Mama."

Lily is also eating solids. She loves to eat. She can't get enough food ever. She will eat her food and then try to steal off of Meadow's plate. Last month she officially weaned from breastfeeding. It was a tough decision, but things are so much better for me. She was biting at every session. We made it 10 months which is 6 months longer than Meadow.

She has also warmed up to her daddy more. I think it is because he can feed her a bottle. She isn't relying on me as her only food source. She will crawl to him when she wants to be entertained.

Oh, and she has developed personal space against Meadow. If Meadow gets too close she will scream. You would think Meadow is hurting her!

Tooth count is 6.

Me - I am still struggling with work. I am sick of dealing with jerks who are stuck on titles and not willing to help people learn.

I missed my class reunion. I am disappointed, because I didn't get an invite. I found out about it 1 week before on Myspace. I guess it gives me 5 years to get into shape and look smoking hot!

I am really having a hard time mustering up motivation or ambition to get fit. I lost some weight and gained it back. I wish I could stick with it. I really need a huge kick in the butt! Today I created a poster for motivation. Let's see how it works. Any tips? I just need to get in the routine of working out...

Meadow just climbed out of her crib again. The last time she crawled out, I put the couch cushions around her crib. Tonight I put them away since she hasn't attempted to do it...and sure enough she climbes out...

What a Couple of Weeks

Wow, so Lily has really taken off. She is really crawling. She sits on her own, and got her fourth tooth last week end. She started pulling herself up. Last week end we were on vacation with my in-laws and she pulled herself to a stand there. We also helped her walk a bit. I can't believe how fast she has taken off. I remember thinking that at this age Meadow was already walking.

Lily is also imitating sounds. Meadow's favorite word is, "Daddy." Lily is now making the "d" sound. I am afriad her first word is going to be Daddy. I think it would be nice if she said Momma first. Especially since I seem to be her favorite person.

Meadow's vocab has also exploded. She is a sponge. Last week end she started saying "Amma,", "Annee", "Kisses," I could go on and on. I should write a list of what she can say. BTW Amma is Gramma, and Annee is Andy.

She also learned about the water slide thanks to Uncle Andy.

Quik Update

Hey Family and Friends,

Days have gotten by me. I keep saying that I am going to post tomorrow...

Sunday I noticed Lily's third tooth.

While grocery shopping on Sunday Meadow grabbed her own bunch of bananas. They were better than the ones her daddy picked out. She sure loves bananas.

I will leave you with two pictures from the zoo on Saturday. Special thanks to Kati for getting me out of the house.

For those of you who know Meadow - you know who is in the last picture. This is definately going in the scrapbook

About Lily Pad

She has her second tooth. She is biting now. I think she thinks it is funny when she bites while nursing. It has gotten to the point to where I can predict when it will happen. She will grin then bite. I never made it this far with Meadow.

She can also pull herself up from laying down to a sit position then onto whatever gets her attention next. She will crawl wherever she needs to go. Last night Chris said she crawled into the kitchen and was looking around the pantry to see where Meadow and he were. She doesn't like being in a room alone.

Lily is also getting better about spending time with Chris. I have been putting in a lot of hours at work. She has been stuck with him :P He said she wouldn't start crying until I walked in the door!

OMG, I can't believe I forgot to post this!

This week end we went to my IL's. We were consistently putting Meadow on the potty, but she wouldn't go. On Sunday (3/31) I sat her there, and had to run to Lily. I gave her a book to read in the meantime. She was letting me know that she was done. I took her off the potty, and noticed a turd in the toilet! I was so proud of her.

I told her good job, but she seemed unphased. Whether or not she knows what she did it is still a pretty big step in my book!

Guess what Lily has!?

Yesterday, Lily got her first tooth! For the past week she kept waking up several times during the night, and having a problem going back to sleep. I thought maybe she was reverse cycling. It turns out that she really just wanted to comfort nurse. She wasn't really fussy or anything, she just wanted me. I am so glad that she comes to me for comfort.

My baby is growing so fast. Tonight, I saw her really cruise across the floor! I just can't believe it. I wish I had more opportunity to treasure every minute. Before I know it she is going to catch up to Meadow.

Tomorrow we start swimming lessons. Both girls are signed up for the same class. It is with a new instructor, and she teaches differently. I heard good things about her.

She did it again

Tonight, Meadow came up to me squatting and grabbing her crotch. I asked her if she had to go potty and she ran to the gate. I took her into the bathroom and took her diaper off. She sat on the potty. After a bit she peed again. I will have to talk to the sitter about potty training more aggressively.

Milestones for Meadow

Earlier today, Meadow took off her diaper. I explained to her that if she is going to keep taking her diaper off she is going to have to wear panties and go on potty on the potty. I took her into the bathroom. Took apart the potty seat, and snapped the seat onto the toilet. I set her on it for a few minutes, and nothing.

Last night she had a bath, and tonight was Lily's turn for a bath. Meadow followed me it, put the potty seat on toilet, and started taking off her clothes. I snapped the potty in place and helped her take her pants and diaper off. I put her on the toilet. She sat for a minute. I asked her if she wanted a book, so I went to get her one. As I was coming back into the bathroom I heard her going. I called Chris in and he gave her a high five. She was really proud of herself.

She insisted on joining her sister in the bathtub. I thought why not, and put her in the tub. She and Lily had a good time splashing eachother and seeing who could make the biggest splash. Chris helped me get the girls dried off. I came into the living room, got Meadow a diaper, handed it to her, and went to get Lily a diaper. When I walked passed her I noticed she was squatting and pooping on the living room floor!

Ouie

Meadow has had diarhea all week end. With it, she also got a bad diaper rash. I stayed home with the girls today, because Meadow wasn't better. Today I would catch her holding her belly. I got her butt to start clearing up. I was alternating between Lotrimin cream and desitin.

Anyway, later in the day she came up to me, and said, "Ouie."

I looked at her and said, "What is ouie?"

She bonked me on the forehead with her hand, and said, "ouie."

Growing up before my eyes

Candace, thanks for the comment about Meadow's fingers. Her fingers have healed fine. As a matter of fact, the little monkey keeps going back to the source of her pain. Chris think she is trying to seek revenge.

When I was initially trying to clean her up, I told her that she had to hold her hand up (above her shoulder). I explained that it would help it stop bleeding and heal. The next morning it started bleeding again, so we went through the same process. I held her hand above her shoulder, and explained again why I was having her hold her hand up. Then, I noticed whenever it was bothering her she would hold her hand up.

Lily is eating solids now. You probably figured that out from the slideshow I posted the other day. She is such a little piggy. Last week at daycare she ate a whole jar of baby food on Monday, 1/2 a jar on Tuesday, 1 1/2 jars on Wednesday, 1 jar on Thursday, and 1 jar on Friday.

I am definately going to have problems keeping up with this girl. She is getting more mobile everyday. She is so determined to get to wherever she wants to go by wriggling, rolling, or inchworming around. She has managed to crawl across the living room towards the kitchen to get to me.

She has been sleeping in her own room for a week. Her bed must be real cozy, because I am having problems waking her up in the morning. If she wakes up in the middle of the night we get to cuddle on the couch. I won't give that up for anything. I love my cuddle bug. She loves to cuddle, and I love every minute of it.

Meadow's vocabulary has really exploded lately. Last night she said two new words in 5 minutes. First, we were watching Eight Below. One of the dogs on the movie looks just like Miischka. I said to her, "Meadow doesn't that puppy look just like Miischka?"

She looked at the TV, and said, "Meese-ka" I am sure the sch sound is difficult for her to say.

Then, she eyed up the Goldfish crackers we keep readily available for a snack. She pointed to them and says, "Gofish".

Slideshow of the girls

I need to update more

I keep meaning...like for the past week or so that Lily is CRAWLING. It is army style, but she is still mobile. She will get up on her elbows and knees and lurch forward. I can't believe she is mobile at 5 1/2 months. Mainly she will just crawl to me...she knows her food source. Otherwise she is a normal roly poly.

Cute Pic of Meadow and Sad Story

See my cute little girl? Don't you love the outfit she is in? Check out Puppy and her two fingers in her mouth. That is her natural pose.

Now for the sad story. Wednesday night she crawled under the computer desk (she knows it is off limits). I told her to get out, and I was nursing Lily. I heard her scream. I looked down and she had her fingers stuck in the CPU. There is a door that opens and somehow you can another drive or something. Anyway, I told her to stay still. I put Lily down on the floor, and in that time she yanked her hand out. her index and ring finger are bruised and she took a big chunk out of her middle finger. It bled a lot. I think it still hurts her a bit. She has gotten over it. I haven't. I feel so bad. I wish the computer wasn't in the living room, so she wouldn't be tempted to play with it.

Lil' Lil's First Meal

HMMM Mom what is this stuff?
You say it is Rice Cereal with formula? I will enthusiastically give it a try!
Let me see how this eating thing works...
What?! I am not supposed to get the food all over my face?
I tried to give Lily cereal on Sunday. She did really well with the eating. She took the spoon really well and enthusiastically. She ate most of what was in the bowl. Afterwards she spit up small amounts through out the evening. I haven't tried it since, but will again this week end.

4 month well baby

Took her in for her four month check up today. The dr didn't beleive that she is four months old already. I was even late in taking her...its almost 5. Today she weighed 12 pounds and measured 22 1/4" long. I don't think she was measured right though. She was 22" in October. I think she has grown more than that. I will have to try to measure her tomorrow. Her head is 40cm. She is in the 25th percentile for all three categories. The doctor think she is doing fine. I learned today that your body decides what type of belly button you have. Lily's belly button looked funny to me, so I asked the dr to take a look at it. He said her body is just figuring out if it is going to be an inny or an outie. It looks irritated though...but he said it is fine. Leave it alone and it will work itself out.

B 4 I 4Get

In the month of December Lily started rolling over. She is such a Roly Poly now. She can go both ways with out a lot of effort. She is also "talking" a lot. Especially if you are looking at her. She will smile at you if you smile at her. It is true that smiling is contagious with her.

Last week the girls where at the back up center. There was a back-to-work baby there who is very spoiled. She would scream if no one is paying attention to her. Needless to say Lily has started screaming just like the other baby.

I thought it would be bad if Meadow learned the word, "mine." But she only uses it when she wants something she doesn't know the word for. It isn't like she is constantly saying, "mine, mine, mine." Actually it sounds more like "my". I can handle the "my"s much better than Lily's screaming.

Yesterday Chris was sleeping on the couch. Meadow kept trying to stick a pacifier in his mouth. It was so funny. Chris didn't even react.