Deep Thoughts by April...

Lately, I have been really troubled. Nothing is good enough for me. I can't seem to get happy...

Chris and I have had 3 conversations about it, and I feel like nothing gets resolved. He says he is willing to fix whatever is making me unhappy, but I don't know what it is...so how can I give him a solution when I really don't know what the problem is.

I have gotten to a point to where I don't really do anything anymore--outside of my house and my relationship with my family. Why? Because twice now I have said something and it got back to Chris out of context. It made me mad that Chris didn't try to figure out what I said and not defend me.

I really don't want to turn this into a Chris gripe, but maybe there are some underlying things that are getting to me. At this point in my pregnancy with Meadow he was so understanding and helpful. Now nothing. I have to beg him to do laundry and unload the dishwasher. These are two things I physically can't do. I can't reach to the bottom of the washer. I can't stand on anything to put dishes away. Bending over is another story. My center of balance is off.

I fell last week end, and now I am afraid it will happen again. What am I to do? Last week end I missed the last step going down to the basement, so now I refuse to go down there. Last week end I am glad that I was able to catch myself before I hit my belly hard. My right arm and leg took the brunt of the fall.

I guess while I am at it...one thing that really bothers me about Chris is he has let his hygeine go. He hasn't showered all week end. He wonders why I don't want to be close to him...he stinks. I tell him to shower and it is like he doesn't care. I gotta go...I have realized I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to talk to him about...