Picture Update

For some reason...I cannot download the pictures off my camera. My computer crashed and I have to re download all my programs. My photo software happens to be in the storage unit. No ETA on when I can retrieve that...

Do I look like my mommy?

My first Christmas (approx 9 1/2 months old)

Meadow's first Christmas (approx 5 1/2 mos old)
Yes we are wearing the same dress!

Mamma's Girl

For the past quite awhile Meadow has preferred me. It has now gotten to the point to she has to be able to see me at all times. If I leave the room she will cry or whine until I come back. I did figure one thing though. She tends to crawl towards me when she needs something, but she knows I will solve her issue rather quickly. DH tends to get discouraged when he can't figure what is wrong with her in a couple of tries.

Although, yesterday at swimming lessons she wouldn't let Chris get out of her sight. Next week he is getting in the pool with us. He wants to participate in the free time, but not the organized activity.

Here are some things she has accomplished so far:
Sitting alone unsupported...this includes getting into a sit position from laying down.
Army Crawl
Getting up on hands and knees--rocking back and forth
Knows that the buttons on certain toys will make them function.
Holding own bottle
Drinking out of a tippy cup
Giving Kisses
Laughing
Giggling
and tonight....we lowered her crib matterress. She seems to be sleeping well in it.

Conflicted-Advice please

So, I have this friend at work who you either love her or hate her. When I first met her I didn't like her, but now that I have gotten to know her better I enjoy hanging out with her. She isn't from anywhere near the area we live now. Her fiance who she has been with for several years is back in the town where she went to college. She doesn't have a positive outlook currently, because of being away from the love of her life for an unknow period of time. So far they have been away from eachother for approximately 4 months.

Also, at work she isn't being used to her full potential. It is almost like her supervisors don't want to fully train her. They give her the same task to do day after day all day long. Then one of her supervisors went on maternity leave and didn't have her well prepared to handle the workload.

So, we get together at a local yarn shoppe for a yarn crafts (knitting or crocheting). Anyway, there was a request made by somebody for me to tell my friend to not talk so much at the get together. This person was mature enough to tell some one and have that some one tell my DH to tell me. Actually, the last time we went she didn't complain or say anything real negative. The only conversation she really lead was about the project she was working on. She was making a scarf for a friend and she wasn't sure how long to make it.

When DH told me this he said the person making the request described my friend by a physical feature and "the one that complains about work." If anything I was complaining about another coworker. I was really annoyed with another coworker, because she wastes a lot of my time. She needs a lot of hand holding.

My internal conflict is that I don't know if I should say something to the friend or not. I told DH that I thought it was real immature to think I would be the messenger. I did mention something today, because DH said he talked to a lady who worked at the yarn shoppe on Friday. The lady was telling him about the things we talked about and that it annoyed her. I thought it was directed toward me, because I led the conversation among my friends. What really upset me about this lady is she kept participating in the conversation. And we only talked about the issues at work for a few minutes. Then we talked about dogs, satellite radio, and stocks. Actually we spent most of the night talking about dogs.

Splash

Today, Meadow started swimming lessons. She had such a good time. We started the class with walking in a circle singing action songs to help get the babies acclamated to the water. Then we worked on ways to hold the baby so they get accustom to kicking. During free time, Meadow chased a rubber duck. During the second session of free time we swam laps toward DH and then toward the other end of the shallow area. Meadow was laughing a lot of the time. We can't wait until next week! We even talked about going swimming as a family this week.

Happy 6 mos Meadow

To my baby, Meadow with all the love in my heart. I love holding you in my arms, looking at your smile, watching you grow and learn, and spending every minute I can with you. Thank you for a wonderful six months of my life. I hope to leave the love in your heart that you left in mine.

We are all sick

I read blogs today of people who were reflecting on 2006. I wish I could do that. My mind is so foggy, because of this miserable cold I have. I was nice enough to share it with Meadow and DH. Yesterday and today I spent a few hours in bed cuddling with Meadow. Dazie joined us too. DH checked on us at one point yesterday, and told me we looked so cute. The three of us were zonked out.

P.S.

I forgot another special moment my family got to share:

Papa had gone through a box of photos he had found at his house. He had brought some from the early 80's. I couldn't believe how young my grandfather looked in 1980. It was interesting to find out that I remembered what the old wall paper in the kitchen looked like, the feeling of comfort seeing Papa's old recliner brought me (He has had a few since then, but it was the nostalgia that matters most).

I wish I would have asked Papa if I could borrow the pictures until I could get them scanned in, then I could make copies for everybody. There was one of me when I was two, at my cousin's first birthday, I had two cups in my hand, and was trying to drink out of them at once. It really made me laugh. Then there was one of me with Grandma's wig on. It's amazing how old memories can bring warmth to your heart.

Good times with Family

We had a very busy week end. I would like to blog more about it, but there were a few special things that I would like to write about.

First, at DH's Grandma and Grandpa's it was the first time in 20 some years the entire family was there. DH's parents had a hard time making Christmas, because FIL worked retail. This time of year is always busy for him. For the DH's cousin was in the military, so he wasn't able to make family functions. Last year DH and I couldn't make it because we didn't have any time to take off work. I think that was very special to Gma and Gpa.

Second, it was the first year were most everybody had made a holiday on my mom's side of the family also. One of my cousin's was very fashionably late, but that is his personality. Mom said he showed up an hour after the last person left, and he was bummed that he didn't get to see me. Soemthing real dear to my heart happened. My papa was sitting in the recliner. I was holding Meadow, and walked by. He grabbed her from me, and said, "Lemme hold her." It was so cool watching him interact with her. They really seemed to enjoy eachother. This is the second time they met.

I thought this was cute too, but I missed the abosolute cutest picture. Maybe, my cousin's girlfriend caught it. This is their baby (who is about a week and a half younger than Meadow). Before I got the camera, he was trying to eat Meadow's feet. They are both teething. It was really cute watching them interact with eachother, now that they are a little older.

Procrastination Nation

Hi, my name is April, and I am a procrastinator. I have put off cleaning our bedroom so long. I tried to start at it tonight, but Meadow is having a fussy night. This is her second night in a row, where she is having trouble sleeping. We are going to be with family for the week end. I have every one pakced, but me. Problem is I need to do more laundry (which is now DH's job.) He has a load that has been in the washer for the past two hours. I think I am going to have to cave and just do a load so I have something to wear over the week end.

Tonight we opened presents. We took many pictures. Meadow was fascinated with the paper. I really wish we would have opened presents earlier in the day so she would have been more intriqued by her new toys. Well we have three more Christmas's. I have a sneaking suspision she will be more interested in the paper rather than what is in the package.

Best Kept Secrets

I keep thinking of things to blog. At the instant they thought pops in my head I think it is so profound. I make note of it, and by time I get home it lost it's sentiment. I really don't know how profound you will find this entry.

I have heard businesses use the phrase, "best kept secret." Now, if your in business and it is a secret, how long do you really think you will stay in business. There was a place I went to as a kid called Rainbow Falls. It was a small water park in Central Wisconsin. They had all sorts of merchandise that said, "Wisconsin's Best Kept Secret." I thought it was a great place to go, because I had better chance of going there than Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells. The last time I went was about 5 years ago. The last time I drove by the place (2 months ago) it was large car dealership. See what being a best kept secret led to the demise of the water park I enjoyed going too. Sure the slides weren't as fun as Noah's Ark, but the lines were a heck of a lot short.

Do you want to know about a good best kept secret? The always vacant women's bathroom on my floor. The women's bathroom closest to my office is often full. I had to go real bad the other day, so I trekked across the atrium to the other bathroom after realizing the one closest to me was full. To my pleasant surprise I found it vacant, very clean, larger, and it had a little vanity area. Then I realized the offices close to that bathroom are full of men. The original bathroom doesn't have the vanity area, because it was converted into a Mother's Room. It is equipped with everything a lactating mother could need to express milk (except certain equipment). And I wonder why my supply dried up...

Nightmare

So, last night I had a nightmare. For some reason it is still haunting me. I know the parts that disturbed me would NEVER happen. I told DH about it this morning. I don't think he realized why I am so upset by it.

THE DREAM: These two friends of ours decided to remarried to each other (*Lucy and Bill*) after being able to work through their issues. DH and I lived in this beautiful historic house, and they wanted to get married there. At the rehearsal they played a video dedication for their friends and family. The video was interrupted with a scene from a pornography. I was convinced DH had something to do with inserted porn, so I tried to track him down. I couldn't find him or the bride and groom. After an extremely long time I found DH. I found out he had cheated on me with my mom. I was so furious. Then I found out the bride and groom were in on it too.

I am still bothered by the dream and DH's reaction to it. He said he would never cheat on me period. Subconsciously, I think I feel betrayed by him for with some of the things he does and says. There are times I bring it up and he finds a way to blame me. I blame him back. We bring up the past and other short comings.

What do you think.

I guess I am boring...and this got long

Tonight I was catching up on message boards, blogs, and other websites of interest to me--when DH asked me why I kept looking at other ppl's houses. At that moment I was looking at Heather's packing accomplishment. I sarcastically said to get ideas on how to arrange our boxes. Currently our kitchen is full of full boxes, because living in this apartment is very temporary. Hopefully in March or April we will be able to buy another house...but that depends on various other things. DH inquired about the things I write about MYSELF on line. I said Meadows Milestones and some other thing not completely related to myself. I had to open my blog and look at it and find the last entry that was really about myself was when I took up crocheting a couple of weeks ago.

It brings me to the conclusion that once you become a wife and/or a mother, your life is really not about yourself anymore. My life seems to revolve around DH and my DD (darling daughter). The other day I was reading Kelly's blog entry with photojournal about how her life has changed since becoming a mother. I really thought I should do something similar. Take my camera with me for a day and document my life. I really wish I could do a compare and contrast, but that would require a trip around the U.S. I am not prepared to make.

I guess I really don't know what to write about myself, because I don't know what you may find as interesting. Another point is that I don't really think a lot of people read this. Even though I sent out links a long while ago. I remember distinctly that a friend of mine (Beautimous) complained when I didn't update my blog regularly. Now she doesn't have regular internet service.

Lately I have felt blah though. Really I don't know what I can equate it too. The fact that I can't fit into clothes that fit one year ago, S.A.D., being in limbo at work, adjusting to the MAJOR changes that have happened in my life. Last night was the first time in a long time that I worked out. The last time I attempted to work out I remember going to the Y just to have an excuse to shower there. DH had the bathroom tore apart to get rid of a mold issue we had. As an FYI the last time I had a YMCA membership was May 2005, so about a year and a half ago. Granted since then I have majorly moved twice, got married, had a baby, and had some major issues at work I guess I can't really blame myself for letting myself go.

See I admit it, I have let myself go. Something I vowed I would never do. Well, here is to getting myself back. As part of My New Adventure I will document the "me changes". I know I have somethings I need to work on, so I will try to use this as my sounding board.

Housekeeping skills
Physical fitness
Mental health
Nutritious eating
Not playing the blame game
Effectively communicating with DH
Truly finding myself
Creating and maintaining relationships

I can sit

Yesterday, we realized Meadow can sit pretty well on her own. She can't sit for long, but it is definately a milestone in my book. She has gotten determined to hold her own bottle also. Last night DH was just holding her bottle, and she was sitting by herself sucking the bottle.

We also went to get pictures taken with Santa yesterday. I know it doesn't mean much to her yet. I can't wait to get he pictures back on Thursday. She smiled very well for the camera. I had her dressed in her Packer outfit, and Santa said that she must be a good girl if she is a Packer fan already.

Saturday, my friend gave Meadow her Exersaucer. It is an immediate hit, but Meadow has only managed to go backwards in it. Poor Miischka keeps gettting hit with it, because her favorite place to lay is in the path of the exersaucer...which only goes in circles. Meadow does know how to step sideways too and turn around in it....if we could only get her to go forward...it would save her some tears. She will realize she isn't close to me anymore and starts to cry. Our living room is so small she can't make a complete circle with it.

DH

DH is horrible at giving me gifts for the ocassion it is meant for. This year, he hit a day after Thanksgiving sale. I knew he bought my gift. He told me it was hiding in the house. I was not a bit interested. I really wanted to wait until Christmas to open the gift he bought me. I was cleaning our bedroom. When he found out, he got me out of the room, put the gift in something less see through. The bag sat in the living room in the bag for two days. I could tell it was killing DH not giving me the gift. Well, the other day I let him give me, my gift--a new digital camera.

Here are a couple of pics I took with it...

I think Dazie was trying to cuddle with Meadow...

Meadow our future Packer cheerleader.

DH is such a wonderful father. He gets all the fun of being a parent at this stage. He will play with her and sing. When he sings to her she laughs so hard. She screeches when she does it. It is so funny. It makes me laugh. The funniest part is that DH doesn't always know the words to the song, so he will make them up. He sings off key purposely. I just can't help to laugh...neither can Meadow. I should try to get video of it.

Crocheting

I decided to pick up a new hobby. Crocheting. There is a neat yarn shop in the area we moved to. On Thursday night there is a Knit Night. Some work associates and I decided to go this past week. It was a good time. I decided to make a scarf. I really don't have much done yet, but I know it is going to look awesome.

I am worried b/c DH works with the shop owners BF. She mentioned to DH that the crew I was with and I were giggly. The others at Knit Night were quiet. Hmmmm.... do I go alone next time, should I tell my collegues we need to be quiet, or not acknowledge the situtation...

Beach Babe

This is from her first time at the beach almost a month ago.

I finally took the pictures off my camera.

I didn't want to, but I couldn't take it anymore

With all the stress that came with starting my new job, my milk supply has ran out. I couldn't get Meadow to take the breast anymore. I tried to pump and only a small fraction of an ounce would come out. I stressed my self out about it. I sunk into a depression. It was horrible. I was irratible and irrational. I was hoping to go a year. I was upset with myself that I wasn't making enough milk for her anymore. After a couple of weeks I have come to terms with it.

On the week ends it was very difficult to breastfeed or pump as we got so busy. We were constantly doing something. Visiting family, moving, exploring the area. I regret it so much. I almost resented the week end.

In retrospec I could have handled things differently. I did get really shy breastfeeding in front of family. I didn't have any problem in public--full of strangers. I used to be the person who had no problem with my body...but psychologically I couldn't phathom whipping a twin out infront of DH's family. What was going on in my mind. I had issues in my family to. Mainly, it was because of the way one of my aunts asked me if I was still breastfeeding. I felt like in my head she was trying to come up with a reason to degrade me.

I think part of the reason I was so shy is that I didn't feel my family's support. Isn't that crazy? I didn't realize my FIL was breastfed until his mother told me. I know DH and BIL were breastfed. I had two aunts who breastfed, but no one seemed to be willing to offer the support I needed. DH just kept barking at me about pumping. Duh, I know I needed to pump to keep my supply up--but I am was so stressed out. When am I suposed to pump when I feel like I had to be the one to hold her and feed her. When she couldn't get milk out of either breast...what was I suposed to do. DH even critisized me for looking for online support--was I wrong in some way?

To DH breastfeeding was so important. I feel though, that he gave up on me too. He was never encouraging. He would just tell me how many ounces he needed for her while I was away. To him it was all a numbers game. I know he is upset that I blame him, and he doesn't think it was his fault, but c'mon I could have used the support and encouragement.

First Time Away

I barely made it through the past two days. I had to work yesterday for 10 hours. I gave the babysitter the day off. When we left my in-laws on Friday night, we left Meadow. MIL said she would take Meadow for a couple of days. So, I could work. DH was suposed to work also, but he ended up getting the day off. They didn't have the items they needed for the project they were working on.

Thursday night on the way home we stopped in Mad Town for a couple of drinks and came home. So far so good. Although, I did have second thoughts all the way there. DH kept reassuring me. Then, we came home. Still no problems. I didn't have an issue until, I woke up Thursday morning and looked in Meadow's crib. She was not there. I got ready for work, still attracted to Meadow's room. Like I really thought she would aporate into her crib. Maybe, I thought I could do some sort of Jedi mind trick to get her back.

I made it through most of the day at work. MIL called to say she needed our insurance information. She wanted to take Meadow to the doctor. She was weazing while breathing. Otherwise, the she said that she was happy and eating well. I got her the information. She took her to an urgent care center to find out she has a virus. Meadow was prescribe a decongestant.

We met for dinner tonight, and I got my baby back. She looked at me like she didn't recognize me, or maybe she was mad at me. Really, I think it is just because she isn't feeling well. Just now she was fussing in her sleep. So, not like my girl.

What did we do with a night to ourselves. Really, not what I expected. We went out to dinner. We went to MP for a drink. Then we came home and called it an early night. I slept in for the first time in along time. I woke up feeling refreshed, but like something was missing. I couldn't wait to get out of the house. DH and I decided to go do some of our Christmas shopping. We got a good portion done.

Laughter

I heard Meadow laugh for the first time today. She was fussing, so I got in her face. I tried to be is silly as I could be, and said "what's the matter?" She let out a big laugh. I think she only wanted attention. She has been that way all day. I wonder if she is starting to teeth... She wouldn't take a nap today on her own. We had to let her CIO (cry it out). It was painful for me. Luckily, DH and I had a U-haul to unload.

DH said he has heard Meadow actually laugh many times. She obviously thinks he is very funny. Sometimes all he has to do is look at her and she will shoot him a HUGE smile. I wish she would do that with me.