Snuggly Poohs

Last night Lily would fall asleep when I nursed her. As soon as I put her down she woke up again. IT was going on midnight. I desperately wanted sleep. I brought her in bed next with me. I snuggled her close. I kept a breast easily accessable for her to nurse when she needed too. Everytime Chris moved I woke to make sure he didn't roll onto Lily.

Sometime between 5 and 6 he got up. I was able to get a couple hours of good sleep then. When I finally felt like I had enough rest I noticed Lily was cuddled real close to me. I felt really at peace with that. It was nice to know that she just really wanted to be by momma after she had a bad day of getting shots.

Through out today I cuddled with her. She still wasn't feeling well. This morning she vommitted. Actually this afternoon too. I took her temp, and it was slightly elevated. I was told that her temp would be higher than normal due to the shots she had. I wasn't concerned. I just kept cuddling with her until I put her down for the night.

Meadow was in a cuddley mood too. After the first time Lily puked on me, I had an opportunity to shower. While I was in the shower I stopped hearing Meadow playing around. I got dressed, and came into the living room to check things out. To my amazement, Meadow had fallen asleep in Chris's arms. She looked so peaceful and cute. I would have taken a picture, but my camera wasn't immediately available. For the remainder of the day Meadow took every opportunity she could to cuddle with Chris or me. It was such a nice day, and before I knew it--it was 6 PM.

Doctor Appointments a Lesson Learned

So, I made tandem Doctor appointments fir Lily and I. Even better I thought it was great that I could get in at 4 on a Friday.

Lily's check up went well. She has a boogery eye. The doctor just said to massae it with a warm clothe. She is 10 pounds and 22" long. She is growing really well. A couple of weeks ago Chris though she would surpass Meadow in height. In comparing stats I think he is right.

Then I had my post pardom check up. The doctor found a lump on my thyroid. I was so distracted with that--that I forgot to bring up other concerns I wanted to discuss with him. Since I was the last appointment of the day there was no one available to evaluate my blood work up or schedule the appointment for the ultrasound to check my thyroid.

I forgot to ask when he needs to see Lily again. And, the nurse didn't fill out Lily's immunization chart out for daycare. I even gave it to her. Ugh. So, now I am going to have to wait until he calls with my results on Monday. I am sure I will have to see him again in the near future to talk about my thyroid results.

Much needed updates

Last Wednesday I went back to work. The transistion has been tough--very emotional. It was worse the second time around, and I had a short week. There are a lot of new faces and changes that occurred while I was gone. It is VERY hard getting back into the swing of things.

I took Meadow in for a check up (she needed a shot). She is up to 23 pounds. They said she was 31", but she was standing funny (I think she may be closer to 32). And the doctor did not force the chicken pox vaccine on her. He actually doesn't push it. She has been really crabby lately and we found the reason why at the appt. She is cutting molars. I got her a real tooth brush. She doesn't seem to mind me brushing her teeth. I tried to give her the brush, but she didn't want it. I think it is odd, because she likes to brush her hair and everyone else's (lily included). Tonight I did get her to "brush" her teeth after I did them. She really liked it, and I had to take the tooth brush away from her.

Lily is doing well in childcare. Friday we go in for a well baby check up. I will try to update after that. She has started "talking". It is so cure. She likes to hold conversations with the mobile when she wakes up. It is so cute. She isn't as smiley as Meadow was.

We are having issues with Lily bonding with Chris. She will only tolerate him for so long and then will break out in a cry. I had to work a little late tonight, so Chris picked up the kids. The whole time he had Lily she cried. She didn't even stop crying to drink her 2 ounces of EBM. Any suggestions would be great. We are all frustrated.

It Was a Good Week End

Since her birth Lily has perferred my exclusive company. DH tried last week to have alone time with Lily, and she cried the whole time. This week end we went to my in laws. DH and I were able to have a date night as my in laws offered to babysit.

Lily cried most of the time we were gone--until she fell asleep. In research I have done I found out crying peaks around 6 weeks. Tomorrow she turns 7 weeks. Today, there were several occasions where I could put her in her swing and she was content. She even hung out with DH for about 30 minutes (until she filled her pants and realized she was hungry). DH thinks it is a HUGE milestone. Especially since DH says all Lil does is cry. Really the only times she cried today was when she was hungry or had full pants.

WOHOO SUCCESS!

Hopefully the childcare provider will have success with giving her a bottle. She is so used to me being her food source. I afraid she will just suck down the bottles. I hope she is content with 1 ounce an hour while I am at work.

Lily Milestone Captured 9/20

Lily is so alert when she is awake. She is really good at holding her head up and looking around. Here are some pictures I caught of her.

Smile

Today, I got to witness Lily purposefully smiling. After Meadow got to enjoy the indoor water park, I was holding Lily in my arms while we decided what to do next. I was staring down at her smiling, and she smiled back. I know it was not gas or an involuntery movement, because it lasted more than a few seconds.

When she smiled I saw that she has more features of DH than Meadow does. I wish I could have gotten a picture of that too.

Road Trip

This morning DH woke up and thought we should take a day trip. We went to the Dells, and let Meadow enjoy the afternoon at an indoor waterpark. She was having so much fun she kept giving DH hugs. I didn't get to participate in the fun, as my c-section wound isn't fully healed. He took her down the kiddie slides and under the sprinkler thingies. The pool was shallow enough for her to walk around on her own.

I don't have any pictures to share, because I forgot my camera at home and cell phone in the car. I actually enjoyed watching DH and Meadow enjoying themselves in the kiddie water park. The place we went had two kiddie water park areas. We went to both. I did wade around in the pools while holding Lily. Afterall, DH had to pay for me to enter too, even if I wasn't going to participate.

On the way to the Dells Meadow got sick twice. I was really tempted to say we should turn around, but I think Meadow was car sick. I asked her if her belly was feeling better, she pointed to her belly, and threw up. Of course this seems to happen when there isn't a good place to stop for miles. In both occurances DH managed to pull over to gas stations with no place to change Meadow. Which is why I still believe he should pull over right away and just let me deal with it. I think I am going to stick a roll of paper towel in each vehicle. The way home was without incident, except for the 5 cars pulled over between the city I work in and the city we live in. It is extremely rare to even see a squad car there. Meadow fell asleep a couple miles from our exit, and that is the only picture I managed to take.

Missing details

Last night I was holding Lily. I looked down at her saw her unvoluntary moments making her make all sorts of weird facial expressions. I realized how I missed documenting that with Meadow. With both girl it is so poetic to hold them in my arms and stare at them all night. I feel at peace with myself after nursing Lily in the middle of the night or right before bed, and look down at her as she dozes into a slumber. I remember the same feeling from doing the same with Meadow.

To Meadow

Dear Meadow,

Today you are 14 months old. Everyday you amaze me. I love watching you grow and learn. Exploring your surroundings and learning what you can do. You try to see exactly what you are capable of. It is so intriquing. I think it is funny that you practice your new skills in your crib before and after you sleep.

You have been so helpful lately and a good big sister. You help pick up everything but your toys. Even now you are trying to help me type this. I have to keep hitting delete to get hid of the random numbers, letters, and symbols you keep adding. When Lily cries you show concern. You want to touch her, and sometimes are rough. You don't realize how rough you are. That is OK, we will help you. One day you will learn.

I think I am very fortunate to have two beautiful daughters. You both fill my heart up with so much love. I know I will enjoy seeing you both grow up. I want to savor every moment of it. I hope that Meadow and you will be best friends. I know you two will have tough times together--that is part of having a sibling.

I love you. I will always love you.

Love,
Momma

To Lily

Dear Lily,

You have been in my life just over 3 weeks. You are so amazing to me. When we had you, you seemed so fragile to us. About a week ago, Daddy commented on how you didn't seem fragile anymore. A few days later you had a well baby check up and it confirmed that you grew and gained quite a bit of weight. Which confirmed that you lost some fragility.

Still to me you are precious and fragile. Very lovable and adorable. It amazes me how when we take you in public how people comment on how cute you are. I don't need the confirmation. I know you are cute. We have the same problem with your big sister, Meadow. I fear that I can't let Daddy out in public with you two.

I think I am very fortunate to have two beautiful daughters. You both fill my heart up with so much love. I know I will enjoy seeing you both grow up. I want to savor every moment of it. I hope that Meadow and you will be best friends. I know you two will have tough times together--that is part of having a sibling.

I love you. I will always love you.

Love,
Momma

Lily's First Well Baby Check Up

We had Lily's well baby check up yesterday. I can't believe how much she has grown in three weeks. It took Meadow a long time to gain weight. Already Lily has gained a pound and grown 2". She weighed in at 7# 12 ounces and 20 inches long. I am so proud to know this time breast feeding is going good.

Advise from her daddy

Last night Chris and Meadow were in the bathroom. Meadow sat on her potty. I thought she grabbed a magazine, so I peaked in to comment. Chris said to her, "Sometimes it helps to read."

Lily's Birthing Story and More!

Lily's Birthing story and first week and a half of life...
On Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 at 5:30 am I checked into Uplands Hills Hospital for the C-section to deliver Lily. I went to the Birthing first, where they hooked me up to monitors to check her heartbeat and for any contractions. They were looking for two accelerations and deccelerations in Lily's heartbeat. She acheived those pretty quick. Then, I went to Pre-Op where they hooked me up to an IV and asked questions to determine how much anestesia I would need. Soon after I went the operating room where I as prepped and received a spinal. The spinal did cause me have some naseau. At first it wasn't working properly so they had to get a different needle. At 8:03 the C-section started, and by 8:14 Lily Christine was born. The nurses had Chris come to watch her get cleaned off. He even cut her umbilicol cord.

They brought Lily over for me to see. She is so beautiful to me. I teared up immediately. It is so amazing how much love for her I had at that moment. They took Lily and Chris back to the Birthing Center, and wheeled me off to recovery. After I progressed satisfactorly, they brought me up to my room in the birthing center.

While I was in recovery they took the necessary vitals from my baby girl in our room in the birthing center. Chris and his mom where able to watch the whole time. Her APGAR scores were 8 and 9. She weighed 6 pounds 12 ounces and was 18 1/4" long. She developed jaundice and lost quite a bit of weight while in the hospital.
We were discharged on Sunday. I had to bring her into the hospital on Monday for a weight and jaundice check. Her weight was up two ounces to 6 pounds 11 ounces from discharge. Her jaundice improved. The nurse called our doctor, and he requested I bring her into the clinic on Thursday (8/23) for a weight check. I brought her in Thursday and her weight was 6 pounds 10 ounces. She is nursing like a champ.
At the hospital Meadow seemed mad at me. She didn't want to come by me, but she did a good job entertaining us. She got a kick out of the hair net thing Chris wore during the c-section. She eventually warmed up to me. While in the hospital she was curious by Lily, but we were cautious getting them too close together.

At home Meadow is still curiuos by Lily. She will give her a kiss on the head, but does try for the lips. I think it is so cute that she is being affectionate towards her little sister. She also wants to touch Lily, but ends up hitting her. I think she sees us patting the dogs, and is trying to do that to Lily. We try to catch her hand and get to nicely touch Lily. If she hears Lily cry, she will go stand by the Pack 'N Play until we get to her.

My mother in law came on 8/14 and stayed until 8/18. She kept Meadow during the night, so Chris could stay with me. He stayed until about bedtime, going home occasionally to let the dogs out. My father in law came on Saturday to meet Lily. My mom, brother, and brother's girlfriend came Sunday (8/19) and stayed until today. It was nice to have people come to help out. It was also stressful, because I didn't get any real good alone time with Chris. My sleep schedule isn't the same as his right now, because I am on schedule with Lily with breastfeeding.

Already Lily is scooting herself around the Pack 'N Play, lifting her head, and rolling from back to side and side to back.

8/25

When I was discharged from the hospital the doctor warned that Meadow may try to lift my shirt to try to nurse. Well, Lily was sleeping, so I was trying to get some playtime in with Meadow. I had her playing on Kneebouncers.com, she started getting rough with keyboard, so I put her down on the floor. She was upset. I tried to explain to her she had to be nice on the computer. She leaned into me. I seriously I thought she was going to give me a kiss, but she bit my boob. It really hurt. I screamed in pain. She looked shocked. I told her that she used to drink Momma's milk, and now it is Lily's turn. Let me back track. I am wearing an assymetrical dress that is easy to nurse in. So, Meadow's next move is to try to pull a boob out of my dress.

Procrastination

To do list, ha ha...I have a whole bunch of stuff to do and no motivation to do it. Doesn't help that DH has the "flu". My choice is sitting here being unproductive.

What is on the to do list: Pick up Meadow's toys, Clean out Lily's crib, fold Mt. St. Laundry, put together the bassinet thingy, dishes, pick up our room, disenfect the entire house. I have e-mails to respond to...ACK! Non mes amies, I am not ignoring you, I am just lazy. Like I said my choice is sitting here. If you want to here from me, I need to be harrassed.

I am tired I need sleep so nothing is going to get done until we either move again or everyone learns to pick up after themselves...

Meadows vocabulary

now includes:

Momma
Dadda
Dazie
No
Milk
Night Night (she will go into her room saying night night, night night... when she is ready for bed)
Yes

I think I have also heard her say Meadow...but I am not sure. With Night Night it took me awhile to figure out what she was saying.

Update on my deep thoughts

Things are getting better--we have been keeping the communication lines open. It is still a struggle at times, but I feel we are making progress.

Chris has been receptive to what I have to say, and he is listening. He still interprets my words as nagging or yelling when I am not raising my voice or using a different tone.

He has been treated for depression before, and is reluctant to be treated again. After some research (that was easy to get) I found out that the treatments he had before had REALLY bad side effects. That was over 10 years ago. I think there are new methods out now that are better. I think there may be more natural ways to treat his depression.

I know my hormones will come to an end in a few weeks...

Deep Thoughts by April...

Lately, I have been really troubled. Nothing is good enough for me. I can't seem to get happy...

Chris and I have had 3 conversations about it, and I feel like nothing gets resolved. He says he is willing to fix whatever is making me unhappy, but I don't know what it is...so how can I give him a solution when I really don't know what the problem is.

I have gotten to a point to where I don't really do anything anymore--outside of my house and my relationship with my family. Why? Because twice now I have said something and it got back to Chris out of context. It made me mad that Chris didn't try to figure out what I said and not defend me.

I really don't want to turn this into a Chris gripe, but maybe there are some underlying things that are getting to me. At this point in my pregnancy with Meadow he was so understanding and helpful. Now nothing. I have to beg him to do laundry and unload the dishwasher. These are two things I physically can't do. I can't reach to the bottom of the washer. I can't stand on anything to put dishes away. Bending over is another story. My center of balance is off.

I fell last week end, and now I am afraid it will happen again. What am I to do? Last week end I missed the last step going down to the basement, so now I refuse to go down there. Last week end I am glad that I was able to catch myself before I hit my belly hard. My right arm and leg took the brunt of the fall.

I guess while I am at it...one thing that really bothers me about Chris is he has let his hygeine go. He hasn't showered all week end. He wonders why I don't want to be close to him...he stinks. I tell him to shower and it is like he doesn't care. I gotta go...I have realized I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to talk to him about...

April News

Because it has been so long since I have posted anything about myself. There have been a couple of developments in my life.

My pregnancy has been going well. As in pretty uneventful, which is good. DH and picked out a name awhile ago. We found out that the baby is a girl, and her name will be Lily Christine. It was a real painful. For days I was coming up with lists of names and DH kept rejecting everything. Finally he asked, "What would you name the baby if I weren't involved?" I said Lily. He actually thought about it and agreed to Lily. You cannot imagine how many times I brought the name up!

In the whole coming up with a name process I was also interviewing for a promotion. So, after 7 months of working in a challenging area of outerwear and cold weather accessories, I nailed the promotion and am now the Associate Technical Designer for Boys Knits. The process was painful, also. The previous time this position was open in a different area they only did one round of interviews, and a decision was made that week. With this opening, the managers and director met several times to hammer out a decision.

After a week of trying to come up with a decision they had it narrowed down from 5 candidates to 2. I had less than 24 hours to prepare for the 2nd interview which was a practical exercise in fit, which I was not comfortable doing. I didn't have much experience with. I must have done darn good because they offered me the job a couple of days later. They also restructured the area to help the other candidates gain better experience in the spots they were weak.

I have spent the past three weeks learning my new role and new area as well training the person to fill my shoes. Now we are working on trying to figure out what to do while I am on maternity leave.

It's been over a year

It is so hard to believe that a year has passed since I had Meadow. It is hard to believe I am sitting here waiting for her to fall asleep. She is playing around in her crib and jibbering. I feel like she has accomplished so much. She is saying Dadda, Momma, Dazie, Night Night, milk, and then there are her favorite babbles.

Yesterday she had her one year check up. She got her MMR and Pnuemonia vaccine. She is in the 90th percentile for Height coming in at 30 1/4" and the 50th percentile for weight weighing in at 20# 4 oz. She wasn't sure about the doctor poking and probing at her. She kept looking at me and DH to see if what he was doing is OK.

Meadow's party was a success I think. I got the house clean enough. Every one seemed entertained. She enjoyed her cake. As soon as I can figure out how to get the video uploaded here I will post it.

More Milestones!

So, all week I was frustrated that Meadow would not walk for me. Everyone from the daycares she goes to--to DH told me how good of a walker she is. What? She won't walk to me...Well, Friday she finally started walking when I am around. She really has to concentrate on what she is doing, but still it is a big accomplishment. She has also started climbing. That happened last week end. She climbed on a booster seat that was at grandma and grandpa's house. She also climbed up the stairs. I am aware she was doing it at daycare too, but we don't have many toys for her to climb on.

So, we ended up bringing home a chair, which she likes to stand on. It is made of plastic, so today DH decided to buy her a plush chair. We were afraid that she would fall off the plastic chair, because it is not so stable. She seems to like to lounge in her new chair though.

Also, her top two teeth have been giving her problems for about the past month. What was really frustrating is that we could see them about to break skin for a few weeks now. Today, one finally broke through. It must have happened last night, because it wasn't there when I put her to bed...so hopefully the next will make an appearance soon.