Monday, July 23, 2007

Meadows vocabulary

now includes:

Night Night (she will go into her room saying night night, night night... when she is ready for bed)

I think I have also heard her say Meadow...but I am not sure. With Night Night it took me awhile to figure out what she was saying.

Update on my deep thoughts

Things are getting better--we have been keeping the communication lines open. It is still a struggle at times, but I feel we are making progress.

Chris has been receptive to what I have to say, and he is listening. He still interprets my words as nagging or yelling when I am not raising my voice or using a different tone.

He has been treated for depression before, and is reluctant to be treated again. After some research (that was easy to get) I found out that the treatments he had before had REALLY bad side effects. That was over 10 years ago. I think there are new methods out now that are better. I think there may be more natural ways to treat his depression.

I know my hormones will come to an end in a few weeks...

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Deep Thoughts by April...

Lately, I have been really troubled. Nothing is good enough for me. I can't seem to get happy...

Chris and I have had 3 conversations about it, and I feel like nothing gets resolved. He says he is willing to fix whatever is making me unhappy, but I don't know what it how can I give him a solution when I really don't know what the problem is.

I have gotten to a point to where I don't really do anything anymore--outside of my house and my relationship with my family. Why? Because twice now I have said something and it got back to Chris out of context. It made me mad that Chris didn't try to figure out what I said and not defend me.

I really don't want to turn this into a Chris gripe, but maybe there are some underlying things that are getting to me. At this point in my pregnancy with Meadow he was so understanding and helpful. Now nothing. I have to beg him to do laundry and unload the dishwasher. These are two things I physically can't do. I can't reach to the bottom of the washer. I can't stand on anything to put dishes away. Bending over is another story. My center of balance is off.

I fell last week end, and now I am afraid it will happen again. What am I to do? Last week end I missed the last step going down to the basement, so now I refuse to go down there. Last week end I am glad that I was able to catch myself before I hit my belly hard. My right arm and leg took the brunt of the fall.

I guess while I am at thing that really bothers me about Chris is he has let his hygeine go. He hasn't showered all week end. He wonders why I don't want to be close to him...he stinks. I tell him to shower and it is like he doesn't care. I gotta go...I have realized I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to talk to him about...

Friday, July 13, 2007

April News

Because it has been so long since I have posted anything about myself. There have been a couple of developments in my life.

My pregnancy has been going well. As in pretty uneventful, which is good. DH and picked out a name awhile ago. We found out that the baby is a girl, and her name will be Lily Christine. It was a real painful. For days I was coming up with lists of names and DH kept rejecting everything. Finally he asked, "What would you name the baby if I weren't involved?" I said Lily. He actually thought about it and agreed to Lily. You cannot imagine how many times I brought the name up!

In the whole coming up with a name process I was also interviewing for a promotion. So, after 7 months of working in a challenging area of outerwear and cold weather accessories, I nailed the promotion and am now the Associate Technical Designer for Boys Knits. The process was painful, also. The previous time this position was open in a different area they only did one round of interviews, and a decision was made that week. With this opening, the managers and director met several times to hammer out a decision.

After a week of trying to come up with a decision they had it narrowed down from 5 candidates to 2. I had less than 24 hours to prepare for the 2nd interview which was a practical exercise in fit, which I was not comfortable doing. I didn't have much experience with. I must have done darn good because they offered me the job a couple of days later. They also restructured the area to help the other candidates gain better experience in the spots they were weak.

I have spent the past three weeks learning my new role and new area as well training the person to fill my shoes. Now we are working on trying to figure out what to do while I am on maternity leave.

It's been over a year

It is so hard to believe that a year has passed since I had Meadow. It is hard to believe I am sitting here waiting for her to fall asleep. She is playing around in her crib and jibbering. I feel like she has accomplished so much. She is saying Dadda, Momma, Dazie, Night Night, milk, and then there are her favorite babbles.

Yesterday she had her one year check up. She got her MMR and Pnuemonia vaccine. She is in the 90th percentile for Height coming in at 30 1/4" and the 50th percentile for weight weighing in at 20# 4 oz. She wasn't sure about the doctor poking and probing at her. She kept looking at me and DH to see if what he was doing is OK.

Meadow's party was a success I think. I got the house clean enough. Every one seemed entertained. She enjoyed her cake. As soon as I can figure out how to get the video uploaded here I will post it.