Sunday, December 31, 2006

We are all sick

I read blogs today of people who were reflecting on 2006. I wish I could do that. My mind is so foggy, because of this miserable cold I have. I was nice enough to share it with Meadow and DH. Yesterday and today I spent a few hours in bed cuddling with Meadow. Dazie joined us too. DH checked on us at one point yesterday, and told me we looked so cute. The three of us were zonked out.

Monday, December 25, 2006


I forgot another special moment my family got to share:

Papa had gone through a box of photos he had found at his house. He had brought some from the early 80's. I couldn't believe how young my grandfather looked in 1980. It was interesting to find out that I remembered what the old wall paper in the kitchen looked like, the feeling of comfort seeing Papa's old recliner brought me (He has had a few since then, but it was the nostalgia that matters most).

I wish I would have asked Papa if I could borrow the pictures until I could get them scanned in, then I could make copies for everybody. There was one of me when I was two, at my cousin's first birthday, I had two cups in my hand, and was trying to drink out of them at once. It really made me laugh. Then there was one of me with Grandma's wig on. It's amazing how old memories can bring warmth to your heart.

Good times with Family

We had a very busy week end. I would like to blog more about it, but there were a few special things that I would like to write about.

First, at DH's Grandma and Grandpa's it was the first time in 20 some years the entire family was there. DH's parents had a hard time making Christmas, because FIL worked retail. This time of year is always busy for him. For the DH's cousin was in the military, so he wasn't able to make family functions. Last year DH and I couldn't make it because we didn't have any time to take off work. I think that was very special to Gma and Gpa.

Second, it was the first year were most everybody had made a holiday on my mom's side of the family also. One of my cousin's was very fashionably late, but that is his personality. Mom said he showed up an hour after the last person left, and he was bummed that he didn't get to see me. Soemthing real dear to my heart happened. My papa was sitting in the recliner. I was holding Meadow, and walked by. He grabbed her from me, and said, "Lemme hold her." It was so cool watching him interact with her. They really seemed to enjoy eachother. This is the second time they met.
I thought this was cute too, but I missed the abosolute cutest picture. Maybe, my cousin's girlfriend caught it. This is their baby (who is about a week and a half younger than Meadow). Before I got the camera, he was trying to eat Meadow's feet. They are both teething. It was really cute watching them interact with eachother, now that they are a little older.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Procrastination Nation

Hi, my name is April, and I am a procrastinator. I have put off cleaning our bedroom so long. I tried to start at it tonight, but Meadow is having a fussy night. This is her second night in a row, where she is having trouble sleeping. We are going to be with family for the week end. I have every one pakced, but me. Problem is I need to do more laundry (which is now DH's job.) He has a load that has been in the washer for the past two hours. I think I am going to have to cave and just do a load so I have something to wear over the week end.

Tonight we opened presents. We took many pictures. Meadow was fascinated with the paper. I really wish we would have opened presents earlier in the day so she would have been more intriqued by her new toys. Well we have three more Christmas's. I have a sneaking suspision she will be more interested in the paper rather than what is in the package.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Best Kept Secrets

I keep thinking of things to blog. At the instant they thought pops in my head I think it is so profound. I make note of it, and by time I get home it lost it's sentiment. I really don't know how profound you will find this entry.

I have heard businesses use the phrase, "best kept secret." Now, if your in business and it is a secret, how long do you really think you will stay in business. There was a place I went to as a kid called Rainbow Falls. It was a small water park in Central Wisconsin. They had all sorts of merchandise that said, "Wisconsin's Best Kept Secret." I thought it was a great place to go, because I had better chance of going there than Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells. The last time I went was about 5 years ago. The last time I drove by the place (2 months ago) it was large car dealership. See what being a best kept secret led to the demise of the water park I enjoyed going too. Sure the slides weren't as fun as Noah's Ark, but the lines were a heck of a lot short.

Do you want to know about a good best kept secret? The always vacant women's bathroom on my floor. The women's bathroom closest to my office is often full. I had to go real bad the other day, so I trekked across the atrium to the other bathroom after realizing the one closest to me was full. To my pleasant surprise I found it vacant, very clean, larger, and it had a little vanity area. Then I realized the offices close to that bathroom are full of men. The original bathroom doesn't have the vanity area, because it was converted into a Mother's Room. It is equipped with everything a lactating mother could need to express milk (except certain equipment). And I wonder why my supply dried up...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


So, last night I had a nightmare. For some reason it is still haunting me. I know the parts that disturbed me would NEVER happen. I told DH about it this morning. I don't think he realized why I am so upset by it.

THE DREAM: These two friends of ours decided to remarried to each other (*Lucy and Bill*) after being able to work through their issues. DH and I lived in this beautiful historic house, and they wanted to get married there. At the rehearsal they played a video dedication for their friends and family. The video was interrupted with a scene from a pornography. I was convinced DH had something to do with inserted porn, so I tried to track him down. I couldn't find him or the bride and groom. After an extremely long time I found DH. I found out he had cheated on me with my mom. I was so furious. Then I found out the bride and groom were in on it too.

I am still bothered by the dream and DH's reaction to it. He said he would never cheat on me period. Subconsciously, I think I feel betrayed by him for with some of the things he does and says. There are times I bring it up and he finds a way to blame me. I blame him back. We bring up the past and other short comings.

What do you think.

I guess I am boring...and this got long

Tonight I was catching up on message boards, blogs, and other websites of interest to me--when DH asked me why I kept looking at other ppl's houses. At that moment I was looking at Heather's packing accomplishment. I sarcastically said to get ideas on how to arrange our boxes. Currently our kitchen is full of full boxes, because living in this apartment is very temporary. Hopefully in March or April we will be able to buy another house...but that depends on various other things. DH inquired about the things I write about MYSELF on line. I said Meadows Milestones and some other thing not completely related to myself. I had to open my blog and look at it and find the last entry that was really about myself was when I took up crocheting a couple of weeks ago.

It brings me to the conclusion that once you become a wife and/or a mother, your life is really not about yourself anymore. My life seems to revolve around DH and my DD (darling daughter). The other day I was reading Kelly's blog entry with photojournal about how her life has changed since becoming a mother. I really thought I should do something similar. Take my camera with me for a day and document my life. I really wish I could do a compare and contrast, but that would require a trip around the U.S. I am not prepared to make.

I guess I really don't know what to write about myself, because I don't know what you may find as interesting. Another point is that I don't really think a lot of people read this. Even though I sent out links a long while ago. I remember distinctly that a friend of mine (Beautimous) complained when I didn't update my blog regularly. Now she doesn't have regular internet service.

Lately I have felt blah though. Really I don't know what I can equate it too. The fact that I can't fit into clothes that fit one year ago, S.A.D., being in limbo at work, adjusting to the MAJOR changes that have happened in my life. Last night was the first time in a long time that I worked out. The last time I attempted to work out I remember going to the Y just to have an excuse to shower there. DH had the bathroom tore apart to get rid of a mold issue we had. As an FYI the last time I had a YMCA membership was May 2005, so about a year and a half ago. Granted since then I have majorly moved twice, got married, had a baby, and had some major issues at work I guess I can't really blame myself for letting myself go.

See I admit it, I have let myself go. Something I vowed I would never do. Well, here is to getting myself back. As part of My New Adventure I will document the "me changes". I know I have somethings I need to work on, so I will try to use this as my sounding board.

Housekeeping skills
Physical fitness
Mental health
Nutritious eating
Not playing the blame game
Effectively communicating with DH
Truly finding myself
Creating and maintaining relationships

Monday, December 11, 2006

I can sit

Yesterday, we realized Meadow can sit pretty well on her own. She can't sit for long, but it is definately a milestone in my book. She has gotten determined to hold her own bottle also. Last night DH was just holding her bottle, and she was sitting by herself sucking the bottle.

We also went to get pictures taken with Santa yesterday. I know it doesn't mean much to her yet. I can't wait to get he pictures back on Thursday. She smiled very well for the camera. I had her dressed in her Packer outfit, and Santa said that she must be a good girl if she is a Packer fan already.

Saturday, my friend gave Meadow her Exersaucer. It is an immediate hit, but Meadow has only managed to go backwards in it. Poor Miischka keeps gettting hit with it, because her favorite place to lay is in the path of the exersaucer...which only goes in circles. Meadow does know how to step sideways too and turn around in it....if we could only get her to go would save her some tears. She will realize she isn't close to me anymore and starts to cry. Our living room is so small she can't make a complete circle with it.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


DH is horrible at giving me gifts for the ocassion it is meant for. This year, he hit a day after Thanksgiving sale. I knew he bought my gift. He told me it was hiding in the house. I was not a bit interested. I really wanted to wait until Christmas to open the gift he bought me. I was cleaning our bedroom. When he found out, he got me out of the room, put the gift in something less see through. The bag sat in the living room in the bag for two days. I could tell it was killing DH not giving me the gift. Well, the other day I let him give me, my gift--a new digital camera.

Here are a couple of pics I took with it...
I think Dazie was trying to cuddle with Meadow...
Meadow our future Packer cheerleader.

DH is such a wonderful father. He gets all the fun of being a parent at this stage. He will play with her and sing. When he sings to her she laughs so hard. She screeches when she does it. It is so funny. It makes me laugh. The funniest part is that DH doesn't always know the words to the song, so he will make them up. He sings off key purposely. I just can't help to laugh...neither can Meadow. I should try to get video of it.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


I decided to pick up a new hobby. Crocheting. There is a neat yarn shop in the area we moved to. On Thursday night there is a Knit Night. Some work associates and I decided to go this past week. It was a good time. I decided to make a scarf. I really don't have much done yet, but I know it is going to look awesome.

I am worried b/c DH works with the shop owners BF. She mentioned to DH that the crew I was with and I were giggly. The others at Knit Night were quiet. Hmmmm.... do I go alone next time, should I tell my collegues we need to be quiet, or not acknowledge the situtation...

Beach Babe

This is from her first time at the beach almost a month ago.

I finally took the pictures off my camera.

I didn't want to, but I couldn't take it anymore

With all the stress that came with starting my new job, my milk supply has ran out. I couldn't get Meadow to take the breast anymore. I tried to pump and only a small fraction of an ounce would come out. I stressed my self out about it. I sunk into a depression. It was horrible. I was irratible and irrational. I was hoping to go a year. I was upset with myself that I wasn't making enough milk for her anymore. After a couple of weeks I have come to terms with it.

On the week ends it was very difficult to breastfeed or pump as we got so busy. We were constantly doing something. Visiting family, moving, exploring the area. I regret it so much. I almost resented the week end.

In retrospec I could have handled things differently. I did get really shy breastfeeding in front of family. I didn't have any problem in public--full of strangers. I used to be the person who had no problem with my body...but psychologically I couldn't phathom whipping a twin out infront of DH's family. What was going on in my mind. I had issues in my family to. Mainly, it was because of the way one of my aunts asked me if I was still breastfeeding. I felt like in my head she was trying to come up with a reason to degrade me.

I think part of the reason I was so shy is that I didn't feel my family's support. Isn't that crazy? I didn't realize my FIL was breastfed until his mother told me. I know DH and BIL were breastfed. I had two aunts who breastfed, but no one seemed to be willing to offer the support I needed. DH just kept barking at me about pumping. Duh, I know I needed to pump to keep my supply up--but I am was so stressed out. When am I suposed to pump when I feel like I had to be the one to hold her and feed her. When she couldn't get milk out of either breast...what was I suposed to do. DH even critisized me for looking for online support--was I wrong in some way?

To DH breastfeeding was so important. I feel though, that he gave up on me too. He was never encouraging. He would just tell me how many ounces he needed for her while I was away. To him it was all a numbers game. I know he is upset that I blame him, and he doesn't think it was his fault, but c'mon I could have used the support and encouragement.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

First Time Away

I barely made it through the past two days. I had to work yesterday for 10 hours. I gave the babysitter the day off. When we left my in-laws on Friday night, we left Meadow. MIL said she would take Meadow for a couple of days. So, I could work. DH was suposed to work also, but he ended up getting the day off. They didn't have the items they needed for the project they were working on.

Thursday night on the way home we stopped in Mad Town for a couple of drinks and came home. So far so good. Although, I did have second thoughts all the way there. DH kept reassuring me. Then, we came home. Still no problems. I didn't have an issue until, I woke up Thursday morning and looked in Meadow's crib. She was not there. I got ready for work, still attracted to Meadow's room. Like I really thought she would aporate into her crib. Maybe, I thought I could do some sort of Jedi mind trick to get her back.

I made it through most of the day at work. MIL called to say she needed our insurance information. She wanted to take Meadow to the doctor. She was weazing while breathing. Otherwise, the she said that she was happy and eating well. I got her the information. She took her to an urgent care center to find out she has a virus. Meadow was prescribe a decongestant.

We met for dinner tonight, and I got my baby back. She looked at me like she didn't recognize me, or maybe she was mad at me. Really, I think it is just because she isn't feeling well. Just now she was fussing in her sleep. So, not like my girl.

What did we do with a night to ourselves. Really, not what I expected. We went out to dinner. We went to MP for a drink. Then we came home and called it an early night. I slept in for the first time in along time. I woke up feeling refreshed, but like something was missing. I couldn't wait to get out of the house. DH and I decided to go do some of our Christmas shopping. We got a good portion done.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


I heard Meadow laugh for the first time today. She was fussing, so I got in her face. I tried to be is silly as I could be, and said "what's the matter?" She let out a big laugh. I think she only wanted attention. She has been that way all day. I wonder if she is starting to teeth... She wouldn't take a nap today on her own. We had to let her CIO (cry it out). It was painful for me. Luckily, DH and I had a U-haul to unload.

DH said he has heard Meadow actually laugh many times. She obviously thinks he is very funny. Sometimes all he has to do is look at her and she will shoot him a HUGE smile. I wish she would do that with me.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

4 mos Dr appt

Today, Meadow had her 4 month check up and vaccinations. She needs to keep vaccinations up because she goes to daycare while I am at work. She cried and cried for her shots. I had a hard time comforting her. She was fine once I put her in her car seat. Here were her stats:

Birth Weight: 7# 11oz
Current Weight: 11# 6oz (25th percentile)

Birth Length: 19 3/4"
Current Length: 24 1/4"

The doctor said she is very healthy. He even said she is a peanut.

Monday, November 13, 2006

A brag, some TMI, and something fun

Meadow has reached some milestones (in my eyes) recently. She has gotten good at grabbing things. She started putting her hands on her bottle and "guiding" it to her mouth. Next we got to her briefly holding her own bottle in her mouth. Tonight she actually held it until she fell asleep.

Since we have started giving her food, her poop consistency has changed. It has gotten hard, and tonight her poop looked like an actual turd.

Now for the more interesting stuff. Meadow got to visit another state over the week end, and fly on an airplane. It was her grandpa's 60th birthday and her grandma threw a surprise party for him. So, we boarded a plane Saturday morning to go to Florida, and came back Sunday night. She did so well. People kept looking at us with disapproving looks. I could just see people thinking, "I hope I don't get stuck near the baby on the plane." Meadow was so good. She ate until she fell asleep. Then when we deplaned, people exclaimed, "You have such a good baby!" Now, think before you think...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Thursday we are getting pictures done. I am not sure what to Meadow in. Here are some options:

Long sleeve white onesie with embroidered peter pan collar with light purple coverall. Coverall has small ruffle trim around neck, armholes, leg openings, and on two pocket patch pockets.

Same long sleeve onesie above and pink overalls.

White turtle neck long sleeve shirt with pink overalls

Pink velour jacket and pant with white onesie underneath.

What do you think?

I know you've missed me

I have been with out e-mail for awhile. I am sure you would like an update, but I am not sure what to write.

My MIL found us a cozy 2 bedroom apartment with a full basement in the new town. We have what we need here to get by for the next six months (our lease length). The dogs miss having a yard to play in, and it has been difficult getting them to realize they can play in the basement. DH has made a play area for Meadow in our living room.

Meadow is getting better at sitting. She can't quite sit on her own. She has good control of her head. She got another cold last week that had us all very worried. DH took her to a doctor, which he really liked. He was very informative and perscribed Meadow some medicine that kicked the cold's butt! Prior to him taking her in, the babysitter called because she was scary unresponsive. The babysitter was was very fearful for her. She has also mastered rolling over (that just happened this past week end).

We started giving her cereal on the 17th. I couldn't keep up with how much she was eating, and we were supplementing with formula. I think my milk decrease due to the stress of moving and what not. She didn't quite get the spoon, so we gave her oatmeal in her bottle. Yesterday, DH decided to try pears with a spoon. We had some success. She seems to put her fingers in her mouth after eating to help suck the food down.

We like the new babysitter. Meadow seems worn out when she gets home, so I know she is getting a lot of playtime. The babysitter is good about keeping me updated.

DH hasn't found a job yet. Hopefully soon something will materialize. He's been good about get errands done though.

My job is going good. I hope I get through the 3 month period. I really like the company, my coworkers, my job. I haven't gotten to the point where I feel I am truly adding value to the team, but I feel productive. I am learning again...I feel challenged...I feel like I am getting my old self back. Maybe there is something to being close to home.

In retrospec living in SC hasn't been a complete loss to me. It was a good learning and growing expereince...about myself.

Off the subject: we got cable and internet today. We have way too many learning channels, and I know my chances of watching what I want are nill.

This is all I can post tonight. My eyelids are very heavy. Feel free to post some questions. Maybe that will motivate me to write more.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Can you see me shaking my head?

Yesterday, I went shopping for new clothes for my new job. The dress code is different, and I don't have clothes for that dress code. Anyway, while trying on clothes Meadow pooped in her diaper. So, when I was finished I took her to the nearest bathroom. The family bathroom was locked. I went into the ladies bathroom, took her out of her stroller, and set her on the granite changing table. The bathroom was actually very nice. Anyway, I took out the wipes only to realize there is one wipe. Her poo went all the way up her back and chest. So, I used the disposable changing pad to finish cleaning her up. Then I grab for a diaper. There are no diapers in the diaper bag! I forgot to put more in. So, I use another disposable changing pad as a diaper.

I got back to the store. Summoned my friend to hurry up. We went to Babies R Us. I grabbed a pack of diapers and travel wipes. Then I grabbed some other things we will need during our move (hat for Meadow and a warm outerwear suit). Checked out went to the bathroom only to find the changing table there loaded with diapers. By this point she had peed.

We got home and started playing some board games. My friend realized we forgot to go to Petsmart. Which we both needed to do (her cats out of food, my dogs out of food). On the way home we stopped at Sonic. While we were waiting for our food Meadow starts crying so DH grabs her out of the carseat and starts changing her diaper. Guess what?!?! I didn't put any more diapers in the diaper bag! But I did put the travel wipes in the diaper bag after I used them at Babies R Us. So he had to use a burp rag.

You would think I would have learned after the first time to double check to make sure there are enough diapers in the diaper bag.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The post you have been waiting for

I quit my job. I got hired on with a company closer to my family. The pros outweigh the cons. OK, out of the piece of paper I wrote them on there were only 2 cons...the page was filled with pros.

I couldn't handle me complaining about my job anymore. So, I fixed the problem. I got a new one. I am going to be starting in the next 2-3 weeks!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Busy Busy Busy

Really, I have tons of stuff I have wanted to write about. Problem is I don't get much of a chance with working and taking care of Meadow. I wouldn't trade it though. I have so many pictures on my camera I NEED to download. I am hoping I will get a few minutes to do so tomorrow.

Meadow is "talking" more. She likes to use "gaaaaaaa" a lot. She always says it with a smile. Speaking of smiles, she has started to get dimples. I think she is going to be trouble for DH and I. She has such a cute smile. And I think her eyes are going to stay blue. Those are the two reasons I think she is going to be trouble for us. She really likes to engage in conversation with DH. Earlier tonight they were having a contest to see who could get the loudest. I don't know if Meadow has realized her voice capabilities yet.

Another reason I haven't been around much is that Meadow has had a bad cold. I took her to three different doctors before we were able to get her something to help her feel better. DH had a bacteria infection also the week before last. I had spent a week trying to get my family feeling better. Then my in-laws came for a visit. All in all things have been pretty busy for us.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I want my momma!

Meadow only fusses when something is truly wrong. She was fussy the day she got her shots, but that is to be expected. The only other times we have heard her fuss are: empty belly, full diaper, or upset belly. Today, I when I picked her up at the babysitters, I could hear her screaming when I got close to the house. I walked in the door and they told me she was fussy the whole time she was there. They thought that is was out of character for her. I took her from the babysitter's arms and she was quiet almost right away. It was like she was saying, "I just want my momma!" It made me feel so good. I can't wait until she gives me those big open mouthed kisses. Thanks Candace for letting me know what I all have to look forward to!

Friday, September 01, 2006

2 mos check up

Meadow was a real trooper today. She had to get three shots and an oral vaccine today. Her legs are bothering her, so I gave her some baby tylenol. Since then she seems fine. Now she is talking to the animals on her swing. She is up to 9 pounds 15 ounces and 22 1/2" long. Her head is 15" in circumerfence. Her stats at birth were 7 pounds 11 ounces, 19 1/2" long, and her head was 13 3/4". The doctor said I could start giving her small amounts of cereal. I am not sure if I will do it. I wanted to wait until she was 4 months old to start introducing her to cereal. I will have to talk to DH about it.

She showed the doctor she could roll over, coo, keep concentration on mom, and smile in reaction to me. I was so proud of her. Those were all things at the beginning of the appointment he said she should start doing soon. Ha! she is doing them now.

The babysitter did say she was fussy today, so I will attribute it to her not having tylenol. I wasn't told to give her anything or do anything to help her with the discomfort. The nurse was kind of flighty today. She forgot to give me my form that showed which vaccines she got today. Then it took her 15 minutes to get it.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Hopeless due to feeling stagnant

I love my family with all of my heart. From my immediate family, to my extended family, and to my friends in the Midwest. I miss them deeply—and it depresses me. What depresses me even more is my work situation. I feel so hopeless and stagnant there. It is like I am going no where. There seems to be no room for growth for me.

My boss does not try to develop us to be better employees or try to contribute more. I honestly believe she is intimidated by me, because I am goal oriented. She seems to pick on people. The work atmosphere is worse than the atmosphere at the high school I attended. She hasn’t attempted to pick on me since I have been back from maternity leave, but I am waiting for her to try. I have noticed she is picking on a coworker of mine. I really feel for the coworker, because for a long time I was the target of my bosses ridicule. There was and is no reason for it. This girl just wants to do a good job. She puts forth an honest effort. I have double checked her work and for her experience level she has done a very good job. I kind of think I was getting picked on and my coworker is currently getting picked on because my boss is lazy.

This is what I see in common: when I got done with a project, I would ask for a new one. My coworker does the same thing. My boss doesn’t have anything “ready” because she is busy doing personal work. She will give some mundane project, like go over other projects you did (like ones that are already being produced) and make sure everything you were supposed to do is done. Hello!!! It had to be complete in order for us to send it on to be produced. I know my coworker is extremely bored.

What then happens is the boss will find something to pick on her for. Like asking me a work related question. IE we were discussing a process and she would get told to stop talking. OK, I was on maternity leave for 6 weeks and a process changed. I was curious to the details I needed to know. Today, we got snipped being on break when she was on break. I was under the impression that we were allowed two breaks a day (not including lunch). Really, we just were introducing ourselves to the new person in our department.

For my family and friends in the Midwest: We (DH, my child, and I) need your prayers and wishes that I can get a job back in the general vicinity. I have talked to a recruiter for a company some time ago. Tonight, I applied for several jobs. I need to be happy, and let’s face it—this is the most miserable I have felt. I deserve to be happy. I have a loving husband and precious daughter. I shouldn’t have to feel like my work situation is wearing me down.

Monday, August 28, 2006

My Little Packer Fan

It must be in our genetics! Meadow and I were watching the Packer/Bengals game tonight. She was pretty content watching the game. Then, when Brett threw the first interception, Meadow started crying. I don't think she liked that. I put her down after I got her calmed down, and she started crying until I could position her to see the game.

Sunday, August 27, 2006


Working hasn't given me much time to blog. Anyway, I am super comfortable with the babysitter. DH and Meadow do fine together during the day. I just hate being at work. It would be different if we were busy, but this is our slow time. My mind often wonders to Meadow.

We have reached some milestones this week. Meadow is more alert and seems to really be looking at us. If we ask her to smile (with a big smile) she will smile back. She has also gotten to be quite the talker. I was reading her a Dr. Suess story today, and she kept cooing. I take it she likes Dr. Suess. Today, I went grocery shopping, and noticed she was trying to sit up in her car seat. It was really reclined in the shopping cart. It seemed to me that she was trying to sit up and look around. DH was holding her tonight, and he said that she kept pulling her head forward. At the moment he had her propped on her legs. She somehow ended up on his belly totally uneffected. DH thinks she was practicing gymnastics. With how well she likes baths, water, and tumbling I wonder if she will be a swimmer or a gymnast?

I had my 6 week check up this week. While in the waiting room I was reading a local parenting magazine (which I brought home with me). I FINALLY found some mommy and me gym classes for newborn on up. I would really like to do water exercises with her. Also, there were local mom's clubs listed. I really want to look into that. I think it would be good for us to get out and meet other moms in our age group.

Monday, August 21, 2006

I don't want to do this

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Today, was extremely difficult. I could handle her going to the babysitter. I could handle leaving in the morning. What I can't handle is feeling like I didn't spend enough time with her. When we got home tonight I was exhausted. I had a hard time entertaining her and trying to get something for me to eat. I really don't like this frustration I feel. I really wish I could be a stay at home mom. I would even settle for a work at home mom. I just want to be home with my darling daughter. Well, I better get to bed.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Refections from the week

I had the busiest week since having Meadow.

Saturday, I had a baby shower. Left Meadow with DH for about 3 hours. It was nice to interact with adults.

Sunday, we went to BIL's, and didn't get home until 1:30ish am.

Monday was spent recovering from the really late night.

Tuesday cleaned house. We usually do that on the week end, but spending time with friends and family trumps cleaning. I had a neighbor come over for a visit early afternoon. Another bit of nice adult interaction.

Wednesday we had a visit from DH's aunt and uncle. We hadn't seen them in over a year, so it was real nice to spend time with them. I wanted to run errands Wednesday night, but DH accidently took both sets of keys with him to work. Good thing there wasn't an emergency.

Thursday I got pampered with a day spa package. I had a massage, facial, pedicure, and manicure. It was so refreshing. I should have done it along time ago. I finally ran the errands I needed too. Still neglected the weekly grocery shopping, which I know I am going to have to do on the week ends now. Anyway, I was going to have a bunch of friends over. We normally take turns getting together at eachother's houses. We chat and snack on appetizers and desserts. I was expecting 8 people. Only two showed up. I had made turtle brownies, salsa roll ups, and put together a cheese and sausage plate. I also bought a fruit tray. Needless, to say I have a lot of left over snacks....and darn the really tastey brownies.

Friday we went to the park. See previous post.

Today DH is working on a built in entertainment center. I did the grocery shopping for the week and returned some items at Target. I have heard people complain about the return policy at Target, but I had no problem returning the items sans receipt.

I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. If the weather is nice I would like to go to the park again.

"The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades"

We went for a walk in a park yesterday. I bought Meadow some sunglasses to wear while we are outside to protect her beautiful still blue eyes. She looked so cute:

We took the dogs too. The walk goes along a river, and the dogs had an opportunity to go swimming. Really, only Dazie enjoys swimming, and Miischka wouldn't go deeper than her belly. I nursed Meadow while the dogs and DH played in the water. Then we walked the path for about an hour and a half. Meadow was fussy for about half of it. One clean diaper later she was fine. It was so difficult to find a place to change her. I ended up changing her on top of a picnic table. On top of that we would have liked some water, but none of the close by establishments were open. Those were the only negatives of the day. If we were better planners we could have avoided thristing almost to death.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nap Time!

I asked DH to watch Meadow while I showered yesterday. I sat her in the boppy next to him on the couch. When I finished, I came out in the livingroom to find this:

Monday, August 14, 2006

First College Party

Do you remember yours? All I remember from mine is standing in a circle with my friends in a crowded basement getting beer spilled on me. I know I didn't have a good time and kept asking myself why people went these parties. I paid $5 to get in, and I was sure I was wearing more than that in beer.

Last night we took Meadow to BIL's apartment. He goes to college close by. Two of his roommates were there along with some of his friends. DH played beer pong. We played Gestures and Scene It. It was hilarious. I laughed so hard a couple of times I thought my stitches were going to rip. Meadow was a trooper. She got passed around, and didn't really fuss unless her diaper was full or her belly empty. I was so happy to see that she was so good with strangers. It was so nice to have adult social time.

DH said that she did well at her first college party. Well he probably thought that, because he didn't have to worry about our daughter being at meat market.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Good People

I haven't heard from my mom in a week. Actually, over a week. The last time I dialed her number I talked to my brother. I was on his case about getting a job. Anyway, she was at a bar tonight, she was about to leave, and a friend of hers walked in. This friend I haven't seen in awhile, and I know she hasn't seen him in awhile. Anyway, from what I got from the conversation he made her take his cell phone and call me.

When I answered the phone, I saw that it was an area code from the area I grew up in. The prefix was foriegn to me, but being that most of my family lives in that area code I answered the phone. On the other end there was a familiar male voice. I demanded to know who it is, because who really has my cell phone number? I only gave it to people I want to contact me. He was unsure if I would remember him, because the last time I soberly talked to him I was still in high school...maybe 16 at the oldest. He told me his name and asked if I knew who he was. I repeated his name with his last name. He was happy to know I remembered him. Actually, the last time I talked to him was shortly before I started dating Chris. It was at a bar--I couldn't have been too drunk, because I remember talking to him and which bar it was. And it wasn't the Moose.

This is the second time in the last month an old friend of my mom's has donated a cell phone for her to call me on. Well, insisted she call me from his/her cell phone. I believe though these people secretly wanted my phone number and to talk to me also.

Above I mentioned the Moose. The last time I was there my cousin (who isn't much younger than me) told me I was too old to be there. OK, so the bar is a bit of a meat market, but I only go there to visit my single friends. Or to be supportive of them. This cousin was probably 21, and I was 24 or 25...

Anyway, I really appreciate everything anyone has done to help my mom and I stay intouch. It has really been hard for us being this far away from eachother.

Change is Good

I hope you don't mind the changes...I was in need of some.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Changing clothes

In reference to Heather's blog entry tonight~She posted the question: Why is it when you put on clean clothes they manage to spit up 2 minutes later?

Well here it is 3 am. I have changed Meadow's clothes 3 times already tonight and mine once. The first for both of us was I had finished feeding her. She burped and started to fuss. So, I sat her in my lap so she could look around like she likes to do. She started filling her diaper. Then, she seemed to relax (a sign that she is done filling her diaper). I took her into her room to change her diaper. I layed her on the changing pad and realized she had poop all over her leg, arm, and bodysuit. I finished changing her and realize I had poop on my shirt and arm. The second time I changed her outfit was because I was changing another poopy diaper. I was about to put a clean diaper on her and she peed. She soaked the clothes she had on. I put her down. I went to the bathroom and I heard her coughing. I ran out to see that she spit up all over herself warranting another change of clothes.

Now if only I would have been smart enough to burp her before I changed her the second time I could have avoided her peeing all over and spitting up all over on herself.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

1 Month and Milestones

I wrote some before, but my computer turned off. I lost the entire entry. It must mean those thoughts were not meant to be read.

It has been far too long since I have written. On August 2nd Meadow slept on her belly. She made it fine through the night. I did put her in her bassinet on her side, but she rolled onto her belly.

Sorry the photo quality is blurry, I didn't want to wake her with the flash. She looked so cute with her arms and legs tucked under her.

On August 4th, I took her to my workplace to meet my coworkers. Of course they woke her from her deep nap. I couldn't feed her at the moment and she wanted booby! I put a pacifier in her mouth and she grabbed out. She held onto it for quite some time before dropping it. The next night I was giving her a bath and she grasped the wash clothe with her toes. She has mighty strong toes...I had to pry the wash clothe out of her toes to finish her bath.

Since Saturday night we have been letting her sleep through the night. She nurses well during the day and has plenty of wet and dirty diapers. She seems healthy, so why not let the rest of us be healthy?

Yesterday she turned 1 month old. Here is a picture I took to document her growth and changes:

Thursday, August 03, 2006

My thoughts on Motherhood thus far

I love it! I love being home all day with my daughter. It is truly a gift. I wish I didn't have to go back to work. It is so great to wake up to a crying baby and feed and change her. It is so rewarding knowing I can help her, shape her mentally and emotionally, be silly for no particular reason. I think the best part of my day is reading her stories or poems. No, maybe it is looking down at her while she is eating, and she shoots me a big gummy smile as she leaks milk out of her mouth all over me. OK, maybe it is when all she wants in the world is to be by me.

I know she may not always be this way, but I want to enjoy it while I can. I am actually pretty upset I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I will miss my mornings with Meadow. She wakes up, coos, starts to whine. So I get her, change her diaper, feed her. Then we cuddle for a few minutes. Then I read her a story or talk to her for a bit. She takes a nap for a couple of hours...just enough time fore me to shower and eat breakfast. If she fusses while I am doing one of these activities DH will get her and keep her occupied until I am ready for her.

Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had, and the one I want to succeed at the most. It is one where I can see/know how I am doing right away by the way Meadow reacts. Sure right now it is a lot of trial and error, but really what job isn't trial and error?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


OK, so everyone keeps telling me how little Meadow is, and because she is a newborn I didn't really think about it. Well, then I posted the picture in the previous post. I kept looking at it, and now I realize how tiny she really it.

BTW, Candace, hopefully your next child is a girl! Then Connor will have to grow up to be really strong to fend off the boys. Or maybe you and Tim will just have to work out more to fend of the girls that will be after Connor too (because he is so cute).

Too Cute to Not Share

Isn't she beautiful? DH didn't like the outfit much, but he will have to get used to it...we have a daughter not a son :P It is super hot today and very sunny. We went to introduce Meadow to the daycare provider. I had to make sure she looked super cute before we left.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Game of Tag

We have been tagged by Elizabeth

3 Things That Scare Me:
-The bouncy seat
-When Mom doesn't come when I start fussing

3 People That Make Me Laugh:
-About the only thing I cooed at is Mommy's boob

3 Things I Love:
-Mommy's boob
-When Daddy sings
-Looking around

3 Things I Dislike:
-The bouncy seat
-Having a dirty diaper
-Having an empty belly

3 Things I Like To Play With:
I really don't play yet, but I am mesmerized by the dangly things on the swing.

3 Things I Don't Understand:
-Where mommy is when I can't see or hear her
-Where daddy goes everyday
-Why the puppies have to fight when I am trying to eat

3 Things On My Dresser:
-Basket full of toys
-Clothes that are too big for me

3 Things I'm Doing Right Now:
-Filling my pants
-Dreaming about milk

3 Things I Can Do:
-Fill my pants
-Eat like a champ
-Scoot around to make mommy or daddy wonder where I can go

3 Ways to Describe My Personality:
-High Maintenance

3 Things I Can't Do:
-Eat solid foods

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To:
-Daddy singing
-The music my swing plays
-Baby Einstein CD's (especially at bath time)

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To:
-Dazie barking
-The doorbell

3 Absolute Favorite Foods:
-My arms
-My fingers

3 Things I'd Like to Learn:
-How to crawl
-How to sit up
-How to talk

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly:
The only thing I really consume is Breastmilk

3 Shows I Watch:
-The shows on Discovery Channel
-Soaps with Mom

3 Or More People I Tag: I don't know anyone to tag!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Beautiful Pictures

Picture taken at hospital shortly after birth: Meadow trying to climb over the pillow on the activity mat on 7/21.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Hey Beautiful

Tonight I was nursing Meadow. She was fighting sleep, and opened her eyes real big. I made eye contact with her and said "Hey Beautiful". She responded with a huge smile. It was so she knew exactly what I was saying. I still can't get over it. I wish I could have taken a picture, but I was sitting on the couch nursing her. The camera was in the bathroom, so I didn't have time to grab it.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I am so deprieved

First of all I am deprieved of sleep. Why? Because my wonderful DH had the dogs with him in the garage while he was working on getting it cleaned and organized. For some reason he decided to slightly open the garage door. Well, Miischka decided to take advantage of the opportunity and get out. I was so worried about her. She got scared earlier in the night during a thunderstorm that we had, and at this point another storm was passing through. She took off about 10 and didn't come home until 2ish. So needless to say during that time I could barely sleep. DH is wondering what I will do when Meadow decides to take off or come home after curfew...

Secondly, I looked up the news in my hometown area/college town area today. I realized this week end there was a music festival I would have liked to go to. Usually I don't have much interest in going, but the line up this year really interests don't are some of the bands I would have liked to see: Friday night~Seven Mary Three, Puddle of Mudd, Kidd Rock; Saturday night~Tesla, Papa Roach, Motley Crue; Sunday night~Warrant, Live, Staind, and Poison. OK, so I can't go for two BIG reasons: 1. I live 1,000 miles away and we can't afford to travel for fun at this time. 2. I have a newborn. Rockfest is not a good place for a newborn. Although one year I went to Ozfest with DH and there were several families there. I guess I just have priorities and don't want my child exposed to certain activities that go on at festivals as such.

Well, I better go before the newborn wakes up from her nap.

BTW, I wonder how Tommy Lee is swinging the gig on Saturday night and then handling all the Rockstars on Rockstar Supernova...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Poopcano and other bodily fluids

Meadow is two weeks old today. Time has gone by so fast. I got an e-mail today from my aunt. She asked how is motherhood. It is wonderful. It is the hardest job I have ever had, and the one that I want/need to succeed at in the worst way. DH thinks that I am a great mother. He has "noticed" that things around the house are getting done faster/better. OK, so before Meadow I wasn't much of a housekeeper...nor did I have a desire to be a good housekeeper.

As for daddy...
I was trying to cook dinner tonight when DH called me into the bedroom (where he was keeping Meadow occupied). He told me Meadow needed her diaper changed and he would finish dinner. What I didn't realize is I was dealing with a poopcano. She had poop all the way up her front and back. In my life I have never seen such and explosive diaper.

We (Meadow and I) have had quite a day with her bodily fluids. This morning I had on a scoop neck muscle shirt. I finished nursing and burping her. We were chillin', when up down my shirt. She had perfect aim right between the twins and saturated my bra and shirt. WHen I bartended male customers would try to toss coins down my shirt between the twins when I would walk by with no success. My daughter on the other hand...has amazing aim.

Friday, July 21, 2006

It was a good night

Meadow had been really fussy Tuesday and Wednesday night. Last night I was going to give her Pedialite, but she wouldn't take the bottle. I was going to give her the Pedialite, because I thought maybe she wasn't feeling well. Although last night she was easy to keep occupied. Then, I got an e-mail from my MIL saying that BIL's girlfriend was sick for three days this week. She was over last week, but only held Meadow briefly.

So, naturally I get more paranoid. I took her temperature-97.7 degrees. That isn't anything to get alarmed about. Since, her umbilical cord stump fell out early Monday morning I knew it was OK to forgo the sponge bath and give her a bath in the infant tub.

The infant tub we have has a sort of chair in it. I put her in the chair, and filled the tub to cover her feet. She didn't seem to mind that. I started to wash her. So far, so good. She did not like being rinsed off though. She screamed and screamed. When I was done, I took her to dry her off. She still didn't like that. As a matter of fact she wasn't happy until I got her diaper and clothes on.

The rest of the night she was content. She even fell asleep the time I wanted her to. I was so blessed last night. She even slept well through out the night and nursed well when I woke her up. She even went right back to sleep. Hopefully we can repeat it today. I think we are reading eachother better.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I have a Superbaby

Yesterday, DH had Meadow on her activity mat on the floor on her belly. She rolled to her side, then onto her back.

Today, DH was in the shower, and I was trying to make him lunch. I put Meadow in the pack n play. He came out, checked on her, and went to finish getting ready for work. He came back out to check on her, and noticed she had scooted herself over almost a foot. I had her laying on her side.

A bit ago, I put her on the activity mat on her belly. I put the pillow part under her chest, and she tried to crawl over the pillow. She put her legs under and tried to push herself up. She ended up almost crawling over the pillow part. She did have most of chest over the pillow portion.

I can't believe how strong she is.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

1st Set of Milestones

OK, so some babies are more advanced than others. I can accept that, but my girl is amazing me everyday. It has only been ten days and Meadow has already accomplished the following:

Date of birth: lifts head to look around
1 day old: rolls from back to side
5 days old: 1st doctor appointment
1 week old: 1st trip to a restaurant...slept through
9 days old: umbilical cord fell out, puked on momma
10 days old: rolled from belly to back

I am almost scared to see what she will do next, but I am enjoying every minute of it!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

What Does Meadow Honestly Think?

Yesterday, she was kind of listless, so we gave her Pedialite. By her next wet diaper she was dehydrated. Her urine was on the dark side. I gave her another Pedialite later. She is doing much better. I think we are going to continue give a 1/2 ounce a day.

Today, we took her to her first doctor appointment. It was feeding time too. I thought I would be able to feed her while we were waiting or something. She was hungry too. She doesn't like to be naked. They had me take her clothes off down to her diaper. I noticed her diaper was wet, so I was changing it. She rolled onto her side and peed all over the table as to say I will show you what I think about this. So, it is not only little boys you have to worry about peeing all over.

Her doctor appointment went well. She gained 2 ounces since discharge and grew 1/2" since birth.

Birthing Story

On evening of Friday, July 7th, 2006 I was admitted to Mary Black Hospital. At about 9:30pm I was given cervedil. Cervedil is supposed to help you dilate. I was stuck at 1 cm for over a month. They can’t induce labor at 1 cm. I was able to eat dinner at 11:30 pm. Then I went to sleep for the night.

At 6:30 am on Saturday, July 6th, 2006 I was administered Pitocin. Pitocin is supposed to help bring on the labor. At 9:30 I was 2 cm dilated. The doctor decided broke my water, and Meadow’s heartbeat dropped. There was meconium in the amniotic fluid. I could tell something was wrong. The looks on the doctor and nurses really bothered me. Before I knew it a nurse handed me an oxygen mask. The doctor was really concerned, and thought if her heart didn’t stabilize we would need a c-section. She had me prepped for a c-section “just in case”. They did hook up a tube to go into my uterus to flush the meconium out of me. Meadow’s heart rate got to an acceptable rate. Every time I would have a contraction it would her heart rate would slightly dip. I would have to switch positions every few to keep it from dropping too much. The contractions were manageable but did get to a point where I asked for an epidural. Then they were about a minute and a half apart.

I was at 2 cm until they checked me at 4:30. I was at 4 cm, but my cervix was swollen. The doctor discussed with us our options at that point (getting a c-section or waiting it out). With how things were progressing, there wasn’t much chance the swelling would go down. I could feel the pressure of Meadow’s head on my cervix and even with an epidural it was very painful. There was a chance with the position of her head on my cervix and with the contractions her head would swell a bit too. For those reasons and the meconium in the amniotic fluid we opted for a c-section.

The staff was great. They were really good about keeping my mind occupied. There was radio playing classic rock and 80’s music. This was perfect, because that is my music preference.

At 5:31 pm Meadow Nicole Anna was born. She didn’t cry a whole lot, and when she did her cry was real soft. Once she was all cleaned off, they let me see her. DH took a picture of her and I on the operating table, and then the staff offered to take a picture of the three of us! When they brought her too me to see her, I just wanted to keep kissing her. I love her so much. I really wanted to hold her then, but for health and safety reasons in the operating room I couldn’t. She is so precious to me.

They stitched me up, and put me in a recovery room for about an hour. I got the shakes really bad. I was told it was normal due to the hormonal changes I just went through. I had a slight case of the shakes when we were making the decision to have a c-section too…I wonder if that was hormones too?

I got settled into my room and by 8:00 PM they brought Meadow to the room. I nursed until 8:30 PM. She was sleepy and kept falling asleep after a couple of sucks. DH and I tried to keep her stimulated enough to keep her nursing. She is a champion nurser though. We have no problems latching on. She delatches herself when she is done. Even if she is asleep. She loves to sleep on my chest. I can’t seem to kiss her enough.

My mother-in-law was able to be at the hospital for her birth. She took some pictures. I am really disappointed that we didn’t get one of DH, Meadow, and I in the hospital room.

I am really happy I went into the birthing process with an open mind. Although, nothing went as planned, I am not bothered that I had a c-section. I am just happy Meadow and I are OK. The pain I am dealing with from the c-section is totally worth it. If I could do it all over again (in the same circumstances), I would. I don’t regret our decision at all. I really wanted to delivery vaginally. I was open to getting pain relievers, but only on my demand. I didn’t want them pushing drugs to me.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Quick Update

Meadow is here. She arrived Saturday (7/8) at 5:31 PM. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 19 1/2" long. I will post the birthing story later.

Breastfeeding mothers: My milk has come in, but she continues to sleep through feedings. I end up nursing for 10 minutes at time almost everyhour. Anyone else had this experience?

Friday, July 07, 2006

First I would like to thank Candace. A whle back she gave me some really good advice about labor. She told me to go into it with an open mind. DH and I were really not wanting for me to be induced. But with the pain I have gone through the past two days has made me feel much better about the decision to get induced tonight. I didn't want to feel guilty about it. I am still not happy about it, but this is a good choice. I feel like my body takes two steps forward and takes a step back. If only it would dialate.

I keep praying they don't have to give me pitocin. Hopefully, the cervedil will do what it needs to do. Now, I just need to call the hospital to see if they give me dinner...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I must sleep

I am extremely tired. I am still not feeling well. Despite my complaints and how horrible I look, I am being induced tomorrow night. My body isn't progressing like it should. It is like I have a bunch of symptoms and then they go away. I have taken two naps today, and I am still very tired. Each nap was like 2 hours long. I can't manage to feel caught up on sleep.

So, hopefully by July 8th I will be holding my little one in my arms.

Sorry if this makes no sense. I feel like I have been studying for finals during my college days with out the caffiene.

My list of grievances

I feel like (insert very vulgar words here). My abs feel like I have been doing crunches and sit ups all night. Here is my list of grievances:
My abs are burning
my pelvis hurts
DH thinks my stomach feels rock hard
I feel like I am going to throw up or have a BM and can't do either
The receptionist at the doctor's office won't let me come in early today, because they are booked.
I have slept most the morning, and so have the dogs. I feel like going back.
My ribcage feels like it going to burst

I e-mailed the above list to my neighbor. She is at work, and has been a champ about making sure I am OK. Anyway, she called me back and told me I could very well be starting labor! Please let this be it!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Still here...

Time just seems to be standing still. I feel like there has been no progress. I thought it was bad when the doctor asked me if I had the baby yet, but it is a million times worse when my V.P. asked me this morning. But, he did give me a compliment. He said I seem very healthy. He was curious to what the doctor had said. Which basically, baby healthy, mommy healthy, no need to do anything.

Well, I guess I have had some progress. About 6 this morning I had my first REAL contraction. It lasted a minute or two and was very painful. It felt like all my muscles were pushing down in my abs. Then, it radiated to my back. I couldn't move it was paralyzing. I forced myself to deep breath until it was over. It did make me feel like I should "push." I know I can do it now. DH was getting ready for work and I didn't want to alarm him, so I waited until he was on his way out to tell him.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I had a catchy title...But I forgot it

I thought of a bunch of things to write about while in the shower. I even thought of a really cool title...Well I thought it was, but now my mind is completely blank.

The past two nights I have had really bizarre dreams. Sunday night I had a dream that the baby was born with a tail. It was about 2" long. We decided not to get it removed. Last night I dreamt that we bought a house that was infected with rattle snakes and black mamba snakes. My grandfather came and got rid of all the snakes.

Since Friday night I have been going to bed by 10 and up by 8. Tomorrow I guess I am going to work. It is 12:30 and I am not at all tired. I really hope I am not "nesting." I did get some projects done tonight. I thought maybe tonight would be the night, b/c I have been having pressure in my pelvis. DH thinks I really dropped. I haven't done anything too strenuous...I worked on getting the birth announcements together.

DH and I discussed tonight, that we will try to put off induction until I get closer to 42 weeks. Today was a big research day for me. I looked up information about induction methods on vaccinations for babies.

OK, this glass of milk is helping make me sleepy. I hope I can be alert at work tomorrow.

Monday, July 03, 2006

It's bad when the doctor says...

are you ever going to have that baby?

As like the past 4 weeks, I am still 1 cm with a 50% effaced cervix. This means my cervix is still not ideal for induction. At this point if they induced there would be a 50% chance I would end up with a c-section. Thursday is my next appointment. We will probably go ahead with the induction then. I have to research the drugs he said he would like to use. I need to really think this over.

After the appointment DH and I went to see Superman Returns. It was pretty good. Then, he took me on a rough ride in the Land Rover. I definately think he shook something inside of me loose. Please pray that I can go into labor naturally.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sorry, no news yet!

I will admit, I am one of the most impatient people I know. Also, I will admit when it comes to certain tasks I am a perfectionist. For example cooking--I will only cook meals I know DH will enjoy. He keeps telling me I can try something new, but then fear of screwing up or him not liking it set in.

So, what does this have to do with no news yet? I am still at home, going extremely stir crazy. If my aunt is reading this--I have not left the house in two days....two whole days! Yes, I am like my mother in this certain aspect--I need to leave...take me to Target, Wal*Mart, the grocery store, just for a car ride...I do NOT care.

Anyway, I am sick of waiting for Meadow to grace me with her presence. I hate waiting. Just come out all ready. I have had enough. This is not fun anymore. If someone told me to stand on my head to induce labor I would do it...BUT I just got done reading an article about "overdue babies". I think it has helped restore SOME patience. According to the article, while overdue babies are bigger when born (common sense) they have less health problems at birth (like with breathing).

Back to being a prefectionist...I am working on some sewing projects today. I had to take a break, because I got made that I didn't know how to count. I was suposed to cut out six pieces from a pattern, and only did three. Minor, because I have more than enough fabric. Well, I am going to get back at it. Well, as soon as I find where I put my million yards of muslin...

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Water Drama

So, last night DH gets a call from his very pregnant, about to pop at anytime wife. In a frenzy she says, "There is water everywhere...I don't know what to do." At that point he thinks his baby is on her way into the world. The pause in the conversation ends with "IT IS COMING OUT OF THE WALL!"

He says, "Call a neighbor, and I will be home right away."

OK, trying to gain my composure I call the only neighbor I know to be home this holiday week end. He comes over and shuts the water off. The switch to turn the water off is under our house, and there is no way I can get under there. He insists that I come up to their house until the situation is under control. Which is good, because I pee once an hour and drink A LOT of water. I really can't go any amount of time with out some sort of water supply. It is a good thig I am good friends with this guy's wife, because she was able to help keep me calm.

We had a pipe burst. It was really the last thing I needed yesterday...two days shy of my due date.

Thank God, I was able to give myself a mini pedicure and take a relaxing shower before the pipe burst. It was perfect timing in an ironic sort of way. I took my shower, dryed off, stepped from the bathroom, planted my foot on the plush blue-grey carpet in our bedroom, and the pipe burst in our bedroom. I didn't even have clothes on, so I threw on my mumu of a nightgown.

And not to keep you in dispense...I am still pregnant.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

To the Heathers and the doctor appt

First I am going to try to do two seperate blog entries before I get through my tea.

I talked to DH about posting a quick note in my blog when I have Meadow. He is willing to do it, and actually very supportive. Hopefully, I can show him how to do it before I go into labor. I don't know how fast he would be able to get on-line after I deliver. I know there are several places around the hospital that have wi-fi. I am sure MIL will have her laptop with, so he can should be able to have access.
I am due on Sunday. Actually, today was my original due date, but after the first ultra sound they told me July 2nd which is Sunday. I had a doctor appointment today. Much disappointment. I have had no progress in weeks. I am still 1 cm and the doctor would put me at 50% effaced. Meaning my cervix is still pretty hard. Little Miss Meadow is still head down, but she won't put her head near my cervix. The ultra sound is estimating her current weight at 8 pounds 3 ounces.
I completely understand why people opt to not have the internal exam done. If there is no progress it is frustrating beyond belief! I really think the only reason they do it is to prepare you for child birth.
OK, so I would really like to have this child this week end. DH has Monday and Tuesday off, and then he could spend so much time with us. I started doing some of the old wives tales to help naturally induce labor. I walked about 3/4 a mile tonight. I felt great pain in my belly. I hope it helps her drop. I am drinking red raspberry leaf tea. I think I will do some squats when I wake up in the morning.
The walk was so refreshing. I didn't think I could walk that far. I am actually really proud of myself. I was pretty out of breath--since the first portion of it is up a pretty steep hill. I think DH was leary of me walking alone incase something happened to me.

Monday, June 26, 2006

39 Weeks

First of all I found a link related to induction. I now understand why induction isn't such a good thing.

I also did some research on pain medications used for labor. I really need to read the thing in its entirety. From what I saw I got a lot of good information. I am thinking I will have to rewrite my birthing plan.

The doctor appointment I had today went well. Meadow's heartbeat is about 158. My vitals were good. I am measuring at 41 weeks. On Friday, I measured 38-39 weeks, so in a week end I gained two weeks and lost a couple of pounds. Her head is down, but not completely in my pelvis like it needs to be. Thursday afternoon I have an appointment for an ultra sound, and immediately after I will meet the doctor to see what to do next. I am still at 1 cm, my cervix hasn't thinned anymore. I do keep losing more of my mucus plug. Hopefully, things will progress further by Thursday. I really don't want a c-section or induction.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Dazie's review of Eight Below

Dazie (the adult dog) enjoys watching anything on TV with animals (dogfood commercials, Animal Planet, etc.). Anyway, DH and I went to see Eight Below for my birthday. We planned on buying the movie when it came out on DVD, because we enjoyed the movie so much! I did not realize that the movie was a need until the commercials for the DVD came on, and I could not get Dazie's attention. I bought the movie the day it came out. I couldn't bring myself to watch it, because it isn't always the happiest movie.

Anyway DH watched the movie with Daze. She was jumping up and down, howling, running up to the TV. She has never done that while watching TV. She has seen the movie twice, and still enjoys it. She gives it two paws up! The only parts she found annoying where there were only people in the scene. On those parts she laid down until she knew the dogs were back on.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


My past two posts have had to do with two different doctors and their views on inducing me. In the U.S. it seems like there is this big push towards induction. I have a friend who has really been involved in the medical field. She was explaining to me that there has been an increase in inductions and c-sections because doctors are afraid to be sued if there is a complication. I am thinking the doctor I saw on Tuesday has that philosophy, take the easy way out to avoid any trouble.

The doctor I saw yesterday, is my primary doctor. From the first time I saw him with this pregnancy he has said there is no reason I can't have this child naturally (as in vaginally). Yesterday, he said even though I have remained at 1 cm for 3 weeks my cervix is progressing good. He said in his experience a lot of inductions end up with c-sections. As long as there is some progression in my cervix and I am not way past my EDD there is no reason I need to be induced. He doesn't think that I will go 42 weeks, and he has faith that things will go naturally for me and Meadow. Also Meadow is hanging out too high for an induction to matter. He basically said, when she is ready to come out she will. He said she is a good size baby (meaning length) and he estimates she will be about 7-8 pounds. My DH is tall and I am short, so my body is hurting more as Meadow get longer.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Oh What a Day!

This morning at work I had a sharp pain under my left breast bone (which happens to be where there is a little foot). Anyway, I didn't think anything of it, because sometimes I get kicked there. I went to lunch with my coworkers. When we got back to the office, one of my coworkers (who keeps trying to get me to do the old wives tale things to induce labor) asked me what to do to induce labor. I said that I had read to do squats. Mind you I have jeans on. She begs me to do one! I did, and I felt like I got hit in the pelvis from the inside with a baseball. Then I got concerned because I realized Meadow wasn't as active as she normally is after lunch. I call the doctor, and they tell me to come in. Everything is normal. My cervix has thinned more, but I am still at 1 cm. The doctor I had today (who is my normal doctor) then tells us I am not an ideal candidate for induction! The doctor I had for my appointment this week said that we should talk about induction. The pains I was experiencing are contractions, and they have been about an hour apart--not lasting very long!

Yesterday, I had gotten a call saying Meadow's dresser had come in. After the fiasco at the doctors office DH and I played hooky from work to go pick it up. I finally feel like things are coming together. As of my doctor appointment today my DH (not the doctor) put me on bedrest. The only things I am allowed to do is walk, do more squats, and have sex (which are things that old wives tales say induce labor). He said I am not allowed to do my normal Saturday cleaning. He is letting me put Meadow's things away though.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Disappointing Dr Appt and other stuff

Meadow has the hiccups at the current moment. They feel so weird. I just can't get used to it.

There was no change from last appt. Well, I lost a pound...but that is minor. Anyway, with his hand up me, he pushes down on the top of my belly. I thought he was going to take her out there. I am 38 weeks and it is 12 days until my due date. The doctor we saw today said that if I don't deliver by my appt next week, which is Monday at 9:50, we will talk about scheduling an induction. I scheduled my next appt with a different doctor. I really, really do not want to be induced. I really think induction is something that should be talked about if I was at least a week past my due date or if medically warranted. I did some research, and it seems to me doctors lately are induction happy.

The doctor I meet with next week, is young and very understanding. I hope he will hear me out, or at least explain better why they would induce me. It kind of ruined my day to hear him bring up induction. It made me feel depressed all the sudden. I just want more drugs in my system than absolutely neccessary.

On the way out of the doctor office DH kept saying, "you have to come out by Monday...."

I am hoping I have Meadow before DH gets hired permantently. Through the temp agency offers him paid vacation time. I don't kow if he will get paid time off through the company as of yet. They are really understanding about him taking time off for the baby. Right now they are slow, so it would be ideal that the baby comes while he is slow. My coworkers keep saying to me, you are still here?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The Waiting Game

So, my wonderful DH took our dogs up to the mountains hiking. Today, I am trying to take it easy. I am 2 weeks away from my due date. Now I feel rested and am wondering what I can do. DH took my car, and I can't drive his truck. So, now I am waiting for two things 1) DH to get home, and 2) Meadow to decide she is ready to meet the world. I have things I need to get done, but have no real ambition to do anything. I am just sitting here...waiting for something to happen.

Anyway, my list of things I need to be doing: Laundry, Dishes, Clean the counters, Make stuff for Meadow's Room (Curtains, Dust Ruffle, Crib Bumper, Diaper Organizer, and Wall Hanging). Maybe a nice shower will motivate me...

Friday, June 09, 2006

Experiment = High Hopes

DH has trained the dogs that when he sits on the floor it is playtime. Well, with a new baby on the way this has me concerned. I don't want them thinking that they can play with the baby like they can play with "daddy".

The past two days I tried sitting and laying on the floor. Dazie brought me a toy last night. Tonight I told them, "Let's cuddle" and I laid on the floor. Both dogs came near me and laid down. To them cuddle means to lay down and go to sleep. Miischka did come up to me tonight and lick my face. I was really happy that they didn't try to play with me. I hope that if I continue to do this they will know they can't play with the baby or me if we are on the floor.

I am getting less nervous about bringing home baby with some of the research I am doing on how to prepare dogs for the baby. I am worried about Miischka, because she has never been around babies. Dazie has, and has been wonderfully behaved. She has a weird instinct about how to act around different people.

Les Miserable

I feel absolutely miserable. The heat is really getting to me. What I find to be worse about this is I can’t imagine I am somewhere North (i.e. where I am originally from). The temperatures there have been rivaling the ones here. Today, a salesman came to the door. I tried to be as nice as I could, but I couldn’t take the heat. Thank goodness the man was kind and realized the power of pregnancy. He handed me the information, and went about his way.

Last week end, I thought I was going to have my child. I was at the grocery store, and I even went later at night with the intent that I would not have to deal with people. Is that bad, I don’t want to deal with people? Anyway, I couldn’t even finish my shopping—I felt so much pressure in my pelvis. It felt like this child was going to push her way out of the way she is supposed to come out. I was on the verge of doubling over. I called DH to tell him how I was feeling. I told him I didn’t get many groceries, and if he wanted more he would have to get them himself.

Last night, I swear I could feel my skin and muscles in my belly area growing. Whatever I was feeling was not allowing me to sleep. I know I had some Braxton Hicks contractions (false labor contractions), because they were extremely irregular. Some last a long time, and the next one would last a few seconds. The timing between was really weird too. That was also enough to not allow me to sleep.

Tonight, I was talking to my neighbor on two different occasions outside. And the pressure pain in my pelvis started to come back. So, do I let this pressure continue or do I try to alleviate it? I find sitting tends to help it, and eventually it will go away, but it is so annoying.

I know in the end this will all be worth it. I am very thankful and appreciative that I had a good eight months. This last month is really getting the best of me. I feel like the pain I am experiencing now could equal childbirth.

Not much longer, and hopefully my prayers will be answered. Meaning I won’t go past my due date. I would really like to go soon, because I am impatient and in misery.

For my pregnant friends or potentially pregnant friends...please note everyone is different. You may not experience this. I really do not want to scare anyone away from having children.

OK, CC asked for it!

Here is me at 36 weeks!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

What to do list?

So, tonight I was going to update my to do list of things that need to be done before the baby comes. DH has been so kind to do many of the things on the old one. I made him chocolate chip cookies to show my appreciation. They didn't turn out. I obviously do not know the difference between softened butter and melted butter. Oh well, they are still very tasty!

I actually wrote a list of things I need to do on the computer. The only thing I accomplished was e-mailing my aunt belly pics. I really appreciated that she asked for them. I was beginning to feel like no one cared. It is extremely difficult for me to be this far away from my family, and be pregnant. Hopefully, I can find a job closer to home.

DH and I are having issues with our work places. Many work environments in this area do not do anything to discourage harrassment or discrimination. Even, though DH hasn't experienced the above directly, he sees his coworkers do it. Which has made him become extremely anti-social at work. He takes his breaks in his truck. At my job...that will have to be a story for another day...because it is so obvious.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


It surprises me how some of my online friends blog close to everyday. Me, I have stuff to say, but am too lazy to actually open my blog. I sometimes feel so ashamed of myself, because when those friends haven’t updated their blog in awhile I get annoyed that I have nothing to read. I know I actually have something important to say, and I am sitting her guilty I haven’t written anything.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday. I didn’t really care for the doctor I met with. I had been having pressure and pains in my pelvis. To me it felt like Meadow was pushing herself out. I tried to explain it to the doctor, and he didn’t seem concerned. He did check to see if I was dilated though, and I was 1 cm at my appointment. With each appointment where progress is measured, I get excited, and know the end is near.

There are several people I know who think I will go soon. Today, a lady I work with commented on it, because she noticed I was going to the bathroom more than normal. But, what do you do when you have someone inside of you pushing on your bladder? At that point I had only had 3 servings of water and it was late in the afternoon. The people I work with also think I seem to be dropping, and I am having an easier time breathing. It seems the past few weeks when I come into work on Monday; they comment how much bigger I have gotten.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Questions for my readers

I think my blog got spammed or something. I would like people to be able to post comments, but I think I set the blog comment moderation too high. Is there anyway I can have more control over the posts? I enjoy reading what ppl have to say, but I don't want my blog to become saturated with nonsense. This happened awhile ago, where I got comments that were completely irrelevant to the subject. Has this happened to anyone else?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Newborn Class and Doctor Appointment

On Saturday DH and I took a newborn care class. I am not really sure we got what we wanted out of the class. The nurse teaching the class is the nursery nurse and basically told us what to expect once we give birth. The class covered the first 28 days of life. At least I am not nervous about what to expect at the hospital. We do have our bags packed, now. I got the pack an play up in our room, washed the clothes, and started working on the wall hangings. DH is going to work this week to get the big stuff out of her room. I am finally starting to feel more prepared to have the baby.

My doctor appointment went well today. I am measuring perfectly for how far along I am (approx 35-26 weeks). The doctor is pretty sure she is head down already. I am not dilated or effaced yet.

Miischka is doing much better. DH is taking her on Thursday to get her stitches out and for a follow up. Her and Dazie are playing much better together. I missed it, but last night DH said that they were chewing on the same bone.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Nesting and updates

Tuesday, I came home, and had to double check to make sure I was in the right house. The interior of my house is clean! DH spent 6 hours cleaning the house! I was so proud of him, I really wish there was something I could do to show my appreciation toward him. Actually, I think I have been showing him a lot by getting him special things like a big cookie (we normally get one for birthdays or other special occasions).

DH did leave me a list of things he wanted me to do: clean up my scrapbooking mess off the dining room table, fold laundry, clean up the office, and call to tell him I love him. I got the scrapbooking mess organized and put away, laundry folded, and I called to tell him I love him. Tonight I tried to clean the office, but as I look around I am not sure I could clean and organize the office. My belly feels huge and uncomfortable, and my body is sore and tired. I have roughly 5 weeks left of this.

Anyway, if I get the office cleaned and organized DH said he build me a craft table. I think he is sick of my project mess. I wonder if he would understand why I don't have the office done. First of all there are some pretty heavy things I would need to move.

Well, I am off to at least put the clothes away.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Who said dogs needed thumbs?

I call DH on the way home from work yesterday. On Fridays the dogs are alone longer than any other day of the week, because DH goes into work earlier. I told him I would stop home, let the dogs out, and go run some errands. I wanted to make sure he didn't need anything else. He said the dogs were fine, because he left them outside with a big bowl of water when he went to work.

I had to go home anyway, because I left some essential things at home that I needed for the errands (shopping list). Imagine my surprise when the two dogs greeted me at the door. It took me a minute to realize, they figured out how to open the patio door. Now, we make sure the door is locked when we let them out. It is not going to be fun trying to kill all the flies that got in, but I am so amazed at how intelligent my dogs are.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Is it just me or is it everyone else too?

Is it really the new, cool, hip thing to be pregnant? It seems everywhere I look I see another pregnant woman. Am I just noticing this, because I am pregnant or is there a greater phenomenon going on that I am not aware? On a daily basis I see several pregnant women, and I am not counting my coworker who is pregnant. I am not complaining--I am just curious to what is causing the phenomenon? Well, there is the obvious cause...but is there something else? Have ppl gotten that bored?

A friend and I were talking today about pregnant people. Think of all the celebrities who are currently pregnant or recently had a baby. Think of the people on television who are pregnant (Abbie on ER, the people on 7th Heaven...). To top it off, everywhere I go I see a handful of pregnant people. Within a year in my neighborhood there will be 4 of us having babies. I think it is great, because my daughter will have kids to play with around her age--granted we all stay in the neighborhood.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The third time in a month!?!?!?

Miischka's thoughts on going to the vet this morning for her surgery...
She peed on the sidewalk at the vet office. She couldn't wait to get to the grass. She then tucked her tail under herself. She was not a happy camper that I had to take her back.

I got upset, because I was not allowed to take her home tonight. We get to pick her up anytime tomorrow. They wanted to keep her overnight for observation.

They took her uterus and ovaries out. They looked at her bladder. For the most part everything looked fine. They are going to send the uterus and ovaries to a lab to get analyzed to try to figure out what caused the problems she was having.

I can't want to get my sweet girl back!

Monday, May 15, 2006

To the Vet Again...

Miischka has basically been bleeding on and off since the beginning of March. We thought she was in heat in March, but with the continual bleeding we were concerned. Two weeks ago DH took her in, and they found that she was bleeding due to what was in her intestines. She was put on antiboitics and a stool softener. It worked. The problem cleared up.

Two weeks later and still bleeding. I took her into the vet. Anyway, he looked at her girl parts and concluded she may have a cysts on her ovaries or uterus. He thought she had this since birth, and was causing her incontinece. Also, her body isn't properly producing a hormone that is suposed to regulate her heat cycle, so for the past two months she has been in the first stage of heat. There are four stages of the heat cycle. The vet is really hoping exploratory surgery will help find more answers and solve the issues we are having.

We are going to get her spayed. They are going to make sure there is nothing wrong with her anywhere else. They would also like to send her uterus and ovaries to a lab to test it, and get more answers to the issues she is having. Worst case scenario is she will need to be put on meds for the rest of her life, because the incontinence will come back. Best case scenario no more heat and no more pee to clean up!

Stalk and Pounce

Tomorrow, Miischka goes in for exploratory surgery. I don't know if I blogged about that or not yet. If I haven't I will.

Tonight, she was being so silly. I about missed the season finale of Grey's Antomy bceause she was being so entertaining. She was stalking Dazie, who was laying on the floor sleeping at first. It reminded me of a wild animal stalking prey. Then Miischka would pounce on her. Dazie didn't really react. Miischka goes back into stalk mode and pounce. This went on a few more times with Dazie not reacting. Then, Dazie finally "fought" back.

Then, both dogs started wrestling. Neither dog was making a sound. It was like they were still in hunt mode. As soon, as a left the area they were playing in they stopped. It seemed like they were doing it just for me! Like they thought the mama needed entertaining.

I would highly reccomend if you have one pet getting another--two pets playing with each other is so much entertaining than TV.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Prepared Childbirth Class

I have been struggling since my last entry to write. It is not that I don’t have an array of topics to write about—it is because I have been really lazy and nothing feels appropriate to write about. My topics I need to write about don’t match my mood. I am really trying to compile a blog that I will use for Meadow's scrapbook about preparing and awaiting for her arrival.
I went to an all day crop last week end, and got a good portion of scrapbook done.

Today, we took a class entitled Prepared Childbirth. The instructor went through the material fast, but they always give you the materials you can read through later. We really worked on relaxation techniques. The class started early, meaning DH and I both lost our opportunity to sleep in. The relaxation techniques really worked for me…I almost fell asleep, and had to struggle when we got home to get a few things done with out falling asleep. After I ate a very late lunch, I took a nap (from which I just awoke).

When I got home I immediately prepared our birthing plan. I need to run it by DH to make sure he is comfortable with it. I also need to prepare our relaxation materials so we can practice. I kept picturing our wedding day or our dogs playing with our little girl on the beach. I would like to get one of those relaxation CD’s or see if DH can download one off of the internet to store on his mp3 player.

There really wasn’t anything I didn’t like about the class. I really liked the instructor’s personality. She is one of the L&D nurses. I really like the staff at the hospital. I am really happy with the choice I made as to which hospital I am giving birth at—even though it is the furthest one from our house. Good thing the labor for first timers lasts the longest… We did cover vaginal birth and c-section. I am slightly disappointed that the c-section ratio at the hospital is 25-30%, but that is inline with the National average. I was assured that they only do a c-section if absolutely necessary. For example, if they can tell the baby won’t make it through my pelvis. Also, I found out that the L&D staff is pro-breastfeeding, and will have you feed right after the baby is born.

When we toured the birthing center, I saw my OB/GYN was on duty. Actually, I see many different ones in the practice, but by my OB/GYN I mean the one who I had my preliminary appointments with. When I go for my appointments, I try to sneak a peak at the on duty schedule for the doctors. There are only two doctors in the practice, I don’t really care for, but they are still good doctors. I just don’t really care for their personalities. They are the two oldest doctors in the practice. The other doctors in the practice are young. Many of them are parents to very young children, so they draw from their recent experiences. In fact, one doctor just got back from maternity leave and another is due about the time I am.

Anyway in the class today, out of 11 babies to be in the class 1 is a boy and 1 is a surprise. I thought that was interesting. It seems like there have been a lot of girl babies born in my neighborhood lately. I thought it was easier to make a boy…

I am not going to have a truly natural childbirth, but I am going to go as long as I can with out meds. I still need to do more research on which pain meds I will be willing to take. I am not really fond of the epidural or the taking IV meds for various reasons, so I will have to really weigh the pros and cons. I am also praying that I will not need a cut episiotomy, but will take it over a tear episiotomy. Basically, my plan is to be flexible and try different things to try to relax me during labor. I hope to try different positions during childbirth that will allow for gravity to take its place. CC, I have taken note from your blog to prepare myself for walking for long periods of time. They expressed the importance of walking during the first stage of labor today. They will allow me to bring in my yoga ball or birthing ball. They don’t have them, but they do recommend them.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Answering questions

CC, I am going to try my best to answer your questions.

The lady at work goes to what she calls an All Denominational Christian church. I have been to several different Christian churches, and the things happen in this particular church I have never seen performed in another church. My friend grew up Catholic. She said there were rituals performed through out the service that did not make sense. No one could explain why it was done. Basically, people were following through out the service the pastor with out understanding why they were doing something. To me it seems like the pastor treats everyone like they are pocessed by Satan. I think what made my friend uncomfortable is no one would help her understand what is going on.

There have been several times I have asked my coworker who attends this church why she believes certain things. There have been times were she has been unable to answer my questions. She knows I am in the process of finding myself spiritually. It seems she doesn’t really understand the Bible or where to go to get answers.

I feel the Bible was created so that we can understand and get to know God. I feel this particular church does not help it’s members create an understanding relationship with God.

Does that answer your questions?

Monday, May 01, 2006

Faith and Religon

I hope I can get everything said I wish to before I fall asleep.

Awhile ago DH and I started studying the Bible together. We would like to improve our moral compass before the baby comes. We are doing it with a couple of our neighbors. We have gone a couple of times to their religious service. Since we have been studying the Bible together, I have noticed that we have become closer in our relationship. We have been communicating more easily, also.

I have noticed some changes in myself personally. I have noticed that I have become more empathetic. I actually, received a compliment from a coworker today. She is having some personal issues. I have been in a similar experience about three years ago. Actually, I could really put myself in her shoes. I think with what I have learned since studying the Bible has helped me help her stay calm. I haleped her figure out the different solutions to solve her problems. Tonight, I gave her a ride home from work. She couldn't stop thanking me for being understanding.

We also talked about religion together. She went to church with another coworker over the week end. She said there were some rituals that took place that scared her. I don't think a religious service should scare some one. I shared with her some of my religious beliefs--now that I am exploring my religion and spirituality. I think it made her more comfortable knowing, that there are a lot of organized religions that have a lot of unlogical ascpects to them. She knows that I do not believe in anything that is not logical.

There are some more aspects I would like to explore with DH. I would like to start praying with him. I know this is going to be hard, because of our different schedules. I know we have some varying beliefs, so I would like to have deeper conversations about those. I am really proud of him, because he has taken it upon himself to do more research into the specific things he doesn't understand. I have "caught" him several times studying the Bible...on his own, with no persuading from me. He gets upset when he can't make it to any of our religious studies. I really love the initiative he is taking.

I think one thing that really connects DH and I is that we enjoy learning about other people's cultures, so we can better understand where others are coming from. I love his openmindness, and he loves that about me too.

He is sometimes reluctant to tell me certain things, because he thinks I will get upset. Once he tells me, and I am cool with what he told me, he is surprised. He says he loves how I don't get bent out of shape about certain things that other women would. People he works with are jealous of how OK with things I am. He said one guy he worked with spent a good portion of his check on something. His girl friend got upset about the thing he spent his money on. DH said that I would have just been upset that he spent the money with out discussing it with me.