Wednesday, March 29, 2006

A rare beautiful morning

This morning I awoke with James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" stuck in my head. I really love that song. I was really rather surprised to have it stuck in my head since it had been so long since I heard the song. I could hear it so clearly--like James Blunt was performing the song in my bedroom for me this morning. The harsh reality came when I opened my eyes to see two dogs anxious to go outside. Damn dogs, can't you wait five more minutes so I can enjoy my dream world?

For some reason having that song stuck in my head made it so much easier to get ready go my day. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON, but hearing "You're Beautiful" playing in my head just made me smile all morning. I would just like to listen to the song over and over again. I don't even own the song.

My birthday is Tuesday, and since before Valentines Day I have been telling DH that I want the James Blunt CD. He just thinks I should download it from iTunes. I do not believe having the MP3 and owning the CD are the same thing. A CD is tangible. An MP3 could get lost, or easily deleted. Anyway, if DH doesn't get it for me, I don't care what our budget is--I will get it myself (my birthday present to myself).

I came home for lunch to see DH. That is rare, too. On the way back to work I heard the song "Trees" by Marty Casey. He was on the show Rockstar: INXS. It is the song he wrote on the show. I really like that show too. I was really rooting for Marty to win. I think he has such a great stage presence. I love his voice. I think the song kind of describe my relationship with DH.

This brings me to a new topic. There was a musician once who was criticizing society. The criticism said something to the effect of, the problem with society is the fact that people don't understand the music they are listening too. Rather they are just hearing the song, not really listening to the song. I find that DH does that. I love to listen to the song. I like to feel what the writer or singer is experiencing. I think music is so emotional. Those who hear songs and not listen to songs are out of touch with their emotions. I could really take this in so many directions.

I have some real issues with people. I can honestly admit that there have been points in my life where I have committed the same issues. I live with myself knowing that those things are in the past...I can overcome them and make my life better. Here are things I can’t stand about others: Hypocrisy, Believing they are a Victim, Liars, Backstabbers, Believing they are holier than thou. What really bothers me about it is they go through life thinking everyone else has the problem. Really I think it is them. I deal with these people everyday at work. They have no integrity in my mind.

Sorry to end on such a negative. Music just makes me go through so many things. Hmmmm…maybe I won’t end now this song has really got me into something.

I am listening to “Follow Through” by Gavin DeGraw. It is another one of my favorites. It reminds me of how I feel about my husband. I can’t help but smile when I hear the song. Let me see if I can think of the lines that touch my soul so much: “I haven’t felt like this in so many moons.” “Since you want to be with me, You’ll have to follow through with every word you say.” “All I really want is you, you to stick around. I’ll see you everyday, but you have to follow through.” “The words you say to me are unlike anything that’s ever been said.” I don’t want to type all the lyrics, but they really do touch me.

Which brings me to music and the baby—I haven’t really been listening to music as much as I did prior to cohabitating with DH. Music has always been more important to me than watching TV. DH watches a lot of TV. Anyway, I am praying that Meadow will have my sense of music enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong DH enjoys music—but he is way more selective than me. I enjoy a wide array of music. The only genre that doesn’t appease my ears is rap…

Being that I won’t have DH around all the time, I should take the time apart to get Meadow adjusted to all sorts of music. I hope she is in touch with her emotions as I am…

Sunday, March 26, 2006

DH's New Toy (that I get to use too)

I have about 3 months to go...Since I realized how close that really is and how unprepared I am, I have literally been having nightmares. They are usually about having the baby and not having anything besides what we already have (swing and some winter clothes (6-9 mos).

Yesterday, I had a mad craving for pizza. DH and I decided to be adventureous and try a new place. It was so delish. Anyway, afterwards DH asked if we should look for a different vehicle. On the way to the pizza place, he kept suggesting we test drive a Land Rover Freelander. In my mind there is NO way we can afford a Land Rover. I said we can test drive one to see what it is like. We went to the Land Rover dealership. All they had on the lot was one with leather interior. With having two dogs I am not keen on leather interior. We do take the dogs hiking a lot. Which is another reason for wanting to get a bigger vehicle.

In my mind I still had my heart set on a Subaru Outback. I know several outdoorsy people who own one and love it!. After test driving the Freelander we decide that it would be really tight on the budget to get. So, we go to Carmax. They had a fully loaded Outback. That was out of the price range. Then there were two Freelanders with cloth interior and that were base models. I am not one for bells and whistles...I am more about the vehicle meeting the needs of our growing family. So, we got a Freelander and traded in my car.

Now I feel a little more prepared to have the baby, and more comfortable driving my vehicle. I hated sitting so close to the ground and then trying to get out of the car with out falling out. I felt like I had to do acrobat to get out of the compact car. And, I really don't feel that I am that big yet!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Prenatal Appointments and Work

Today, I got an e-mail from my supervisor saying that she need a doctor's note for all my appointments. I found this rather odd, since it never seemed to be an issue before with me or anyone else (especially people who are ill). I went and asked the H.R. manager what the protocol is for prenatal visits. I told her that my supervisor asked for a doctor's note. She said the company did not require a doctor's note for any prenatal visit. She was actually expecting me to go more often than I do. She said the only reason the company would want a doctor's note is if I was to be on bedrest or work restriction. She said they were understanding that pregnant women have some needs (like getting up every hour to stretch and walk), and that she thinks that is perfectly normal.
Anyway, after answering my questions on being pregnant at work, she started asking me questions about my supervisor. She seemed really curious if I was being discriminated against, treated differently, or if I had any general complaints about my supervisor. What I did say was, "She doesn't treat me any different than she did before I was pregnant." Prior to my pregnancy she seemed to discriminate against me, so nothing has really changed. Now, I wish I would have said something, because I have people willing to back me up, and I keep a journal of what she does and says to me if it is negative or unfair. I don't think I have enough though. She seems to have issue with white people esp with white males. That is company known. Now that I have had time to think about it, I think the H.R. manager was digging for dirt on my supervisor. The company is trying to "clean house".
I wish I would have told her the things that were happening, but my review is coming up. I didn't want anything I say to H.R. to impact my review if it gets back to my supervisor.
DH thinks they are want to promote me when I get back from mat leave. My supervisor has done some pretty stupid things (like argue with the company President over a $100,000 mistake she is essentially responsible for).

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Not for the weak stomach (tmi ahead)

Hemeroids, diaherrea, and then some.

So Sunday, I took a few hour nap. When I woke up, I went to the bathroom. I just had to pee. When, I stood up I noticed blood in the toilet. It looked like the amount I have when I am menstrating. I called the nurse on call. She had the doctor call me back. The doctor told me come into the hospital to make sure it isn't anything serious. I go into the hospital, they hook me up to all these machines to monitor the baby. A nurse looked me over. She thought it was just a hemerroid. The doctor came in and confirmed--the bleeding was from just a hemerroid. I guess they are a pregnancy commonality.

I would have never guessed I would have hemerroids. I was not in any pain. I didn't have a bowel movement. So, the only symptom I had was the bleeding.

My DH is so wonderful. He was so concerned about the situation. He actually insisted I go in.

Then, we get home, to find that Dazie had diaherrea. I felt so bad for the little girl. Maybe it was just sympathy for her mommy. I was the one who got to clean it up.

Doctor appt:
Monday, I had a doctor appointment. I got tested for gestational diabetes (which I passed with flying colors). Friday morning I woke up with a pain in my leg. Stretching my leg made the pain worse, and so did trying to massage the area. I had to pee in the worst way, and there was no way I could make it the short distance from my bed to the bathroom. The pain faded to a gentle reminder by my appointment Monday morning. I brought it up to the doctor. He referred me to get an ultra sound done on my leg. He said there is a 1 in 10 chance it could be a blood clot.

The appointment is scheduled for Thursday (tomorrow). The pain is gone. I was going to call to cancel the appointment. I talked my mom tonight. She was away on business for since the incident, so I was unable to tell her. I told her that the pain went away. She said that I should keep the appointment. She told me that a similar thing happened to my grandmother, and mom thought the blood clot travelled to her heart, or was travelling to her heart. I guess I can't disobey my mother.

I also graduated from an appointment every four weeks to one every three weeks. It gives DH and I more quality time together. DH is working second shift indefinately. I gotta go--Miischka is being a pain in the butt (so I guess I do have some sort of pain).

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Lazy Days

So, my plan for the day was to make my mother in law a case for her laptop. I just didn't have the ambition to do it. The past two days I haven't been feeling well, so I took the hint from my body to rest. I ended up taking two naps today. It is not that I feel sick...I just plain feel fatigued. Which just intrigued a thought:

When I was on the quest to lose weight for my wedding, I wish I would have known about this or at least had a correlation about carrying around an extra 10 pounds. Really, I have gained about 10 pounds thus far. Maybe since I am more conscience about my weight gain (I keep track so I know the baby is growing) instead of the normal weight "sneaking up on me," but I have noticed that I am getting more fatigued physically. Before, when I gained weight I didn't realize how tired I was. Hopefully, now that I made the correlation, post giving birth I will be more motivated to get the extra weight off.

I did muster up the ambition to finish scanning in DH and my baby pictures for Meadow’s scrapbook. I printed about half when I ran out of yellow ink. Hopefully, I will be able to get some tomorrow. I completed two pages of her scrapbook—one with her first ultra sound picture, and the other with some of the clearer ultra sound pictures from our February ultra sound. As I was adhering the paper and pictures to the pages I thought, “What if the baby is really a boy and they didn’t catch it in the ultra sound?” I made sure the journal entry in the scrapbook explains why we think she is a girl. Hopefully, it is not wrong. Either way we will be happy.

I am sort of upset about scrapbooking tonight. I kept getting something blue all over the layouts. I really don’t know what it was coming from. I had to keep washing my hands. I had to reprint my journal entry three times. There are still some traces of blue on one of the pages. I wonder if it is coming from my paper trimmer or tape runner. Both are blue. My mouse pad is also blue, but I just did a crocking test on that. It passed.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I didn't want to depress you

I couldn't blog last week, because my mom was here. I had a great time with her. We really didn't do much. We sat around and talked. It was soooooo nice to be able to spend time with her, again. It really made me homesick having her here. Taking her to the airport was extremely difficult. I really wanted to board the plane with her. Beautimous would have loved that (wouldn't you...I know you are reading this).

This week there has been so much negativity in my life, I didn't feel like rehashing it here. I don't want this to turn into some big complain spot for me. Work isn't going well, both dogs had the touch of some sickness,I keep hearing where I have lived in WI keeps getting snow (I love snow), and I will stop there or you will think I am trying to write an old country song.

I know it is Wednesday, and the week is not over. Here is to hoping the week gets better. I am going to make a list of 5 good things that happened this week:
1. I put Meadow's swing together and it works.
2. I came across a potentially good opportunity (I can't blog about this now, but I will in the future).
3. Meadow has finally moving consistently. I can feel her on the inside and outside. She is most active between 3-5 PM.
4. I finally hooked the scanner up, and started on Meadow's scrapbook. I needed to scan in the Ultra Sound pictures and baby pictures of DH and I.
5. DH fixed the tail light on my car.
6. I talked to Beautimous last night. And it is really her fault I got the scanner hooked up. By the way, I got yelled at for by DH for doing it, because I could have hurt myself or the baby. Don't worry I didn't tell DH that it was you who helped me decide to get it out of the garage.

Yes, I know that was six, and I do know how to count. I figured 6 just means I have more good happen than I thought this week.