Melting my heart in the coldest season

My daughters have come to an age where they make me melt. It does not matter how cold it is outside, they say and do things that spread warmth.
The other day, I was making breakfast. Meadow was in the kitchen watching me. It is one of her favorite activities – watching me cook. Anyway, she says, “I like Lily. Lily is my best friend.” How could that not get to my heart? Seeing my two girls at such young ages already considering each other their best friend (Okay, so Lil wasn’t so quick or forthright to say her big sister is her best friend). She may not say it, but she shows it in other ways.
It is so nice to be home with the girls right now. I get like an extra 9 hours of one on one time with Lily a week while Meadow is at preschool. Lily enjoys the opportunity to be just her and me. I feel so bad that the 2nd (3rd, 4th, and so on) child doesn’t get the time to be the center of attention – the parents only focus of attention. I feel that preschool is definitely making that up for Lily. Preschool is uncertain for Lil. I would love to put her in a program, but as long as our futures are uncertain so will preschool.

Lily does know how to make me melt. She will wrap her arms around my neck with all her strength. At least I think she is using all of her strength. She pulls my ear next to her head and says, “I love you, Mommy.” I don’t think there is anything more precious than hearing your toddler tell you that they love you. I could sit all day and listen to her talk. Her telling me she loves me is her key to anything she wants – within reason.

It cracks me up when I ask Meadow to do something she doesn’t want to do she will say, “No, thank you.” I am glad she has manners, but that is really not the response I am looking for. When I ask her to clean up and she is willing she says, “Music helps me.” Lily will say “Okay, “ or “Sure”. But it is rare that Lily is willing to help pick up.

Beating Myself Up

This isn't intended to be a pity post. I just need to blow off some steam, because I am really upset with myself. Well maybe not really upset, but just upset.

I am mad that I am feeling so many negative feelings lately. I feel if I get them out then I will feel better:)

Part of it is about finding a job. I feel so inadequate. The economy isn't great, and I am not sure that I have what it takes to set myself apart from the other applicants in the pile. I had an awesome phone interview last week. They called me back within an hour to set up the second interview. I was on cloud 9 for awhile. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them smashed. This is a job in the same industry - but it isn't a job I have done before. It is not on the career path I set forth for myself. It is a great opportunity. So great it is perfect. Too perfect, because it would put my closer to where I grew up. I get to diversify my career and be close to family all at the same time.

Today, I got a call from the HR dept from another company I applied at months ago. Unfortunately, I was in the shower, but she did leave a message. I called her back when it was a better time for me. She did not answer, so I left a message. Then, I found out she also called a friend of mine. My friend told me of the updates to the job, and has a phone interview scheduled. I am still waiting for this person to call me back. Now is where the negative feelings come in. I know what my friend has to offer. I know what I have to offer, but now I am sitting here wondering how we measure up. Friend, if you are reading this - there are no hard feelings towards you. I think you need to go for this opportunity and everyone that is presented to you. Back to me - I feel inadequate without even talking to the HR person. I really don't know why. Maybe it is because when they initially posted the job they had certain standards, and I am aware they are lowering the standards. I feel competitious and inadequate all at once here. If this opportunity worked out for me, we wouldn't have to move.

Not, that you need to continue to read about my shortcomings, but there is one more thing that is bothering me. This is something I can fix. If I can get in the correct mindset - this problem will go away. It is 100% mental. I cannot lose weight. I see small successes and then I am back to where I started. I am so lazy about weight loss. For the most part I eat pretty good. It is the getting up and getting moving part I need to do. I can do it, and I know it. I just have no desire to do it. As I am writing this, I am thinking of all the things I did to lose 10 pounds a year ago. So, now I just have to do it. Although, one of the things is a six week commitment and comes at a price...I need to figure out how to make that work.

I can relate to these

My MIL sent this to me today. I had to share, because I could relate to too many.

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.
4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9) Bad decisions make good stories
10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Pound For Pound Challenge Widget

Self Disappointment

I always figured it wasn't as bad to disappoint yourself as it is others. How come the disappointment I have caused myself is causing me so much pain? I can't look at myself, and I don't want to be me.

For weeks (and by weeks I mean months) I have tried to lose weight by eating better and exercise. It has gotten me no where. I go in for my physical. I think my thyroid is causing my body to hold onto fat. Nope, everything is normal. I don't know what normal is. I asked for them to send me the results. I should get them soon. He told the nurse to encourage me to exercise 20 minutes a day! Are you serious...20 minutes each day? That is all? That does not seem at all adequate to me.

The other part of the disappointment is he only did one of the four thyroid tests. I don't think that is sufficient. How do I advocate for myself to get the rest done when they don't think the rest are necessary, because this came in range?

I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been doing something wrong all a long. And now with winter here, exercise is going to get less attractive. I just can't believe I haven't gotten this right yet.

FINALLY!!!

Lily is finally walking. She still crawls around obstacles, but she can and will walk across a room. I am so excited for her! Woot Woot! Go Lily.

I will attempt to take a video of her, as it is so cute to watch her wobble as she walks.

P.T.

P.T. does not mean Physical Therapy or Part Time...it means Potty Training

DCP got a potty for the 3 kids over 3. She has them lined up in the kitchen area. Two days ago Meadow was the only one of the three to go potty. She got chocolate. Today Wendy put underwear on all three. Meadow had a little poop in her underwear this afternoon, and Wendy got her on the potty and she finished. The only time today she had a diaper on was during naptime. She got lots of chocolate today. I am so proud!

She went potty when we got home. Then she had an accident outside with CHris and wanted to put a diaper on. I tried to encourage her to put underwear back on.

She can't walk yet, but...

She can climb onto the coffee table!

2-3-5!

Last night the girls were taking a bath. When they were done, Meadowput all the toys away. As she puts them into the mesh bag, we countthem. She would put one in and I would say, "one". Then she wouldput the next three in saying, "two, three, five!" I told Chris whatshe did and so he was trying to get her to do one and four, but sheinsists on skipping over four. When we say four she looks at us likewe have three heads.

I guess the number of the day is two. I just tried counting with herand after every number I say she says two.