Monday, February 01, 2010

Beating Myself Up

This isn't intended to be a pity post. I just need to blow off some steam, because I am really upset with myself. Well maybe not really upset, but just upset.

I am mad that I am feeling so many negative feelings lately. I feel if I get them out then I will feel better:)

Part of it is about finding a job. I feel so inadequate. The economy isn't great, and I am not sure that I have what it takes to set myself apart from the other applicants in the pile. I had an awesome phone interview last week. They called me back within an hour to set up the second interview. I was on cloud 9 for awhile. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them smashed. This is a job in the same industry - but it isn't a job I have done before. It is not on the career path I set forth for myself. It is a great opportunity. So great it is perfect. Too perfect, because it would put my closer to where I grew up. I get to diversify my career and be close to family all at the same time.

Today, I got a call from the HR dept from another company I applied at months ago. Unfortunately, I was in the shower, but she did leave a message. I called her back when it was a better time for me. She did not answer, so I left a message. Then, I found out she also called a friend of mine. My friend told me of the updates to the job, and has a phone interview scheduled. I am still waiting for this person to call me back. Now is where the negative feelings come in. I know what my friend has to offer. I know what I have to offer, but now I am sitting here wondering how we measure up. Friend, if you are reading this - there are no hard feelings towards you. I think you need to go for this opportunity and everyone that is presented to you. Back to me - I feel inadequate without even talking to the HR person. I really don't know why. Maybe it is because when they initially posted the job they had certain standards, and I am aware they are lowering the standards. I feel competitious and inadequate all at once here. If this opportunity worked out for me, we wouldn't have to move.

Not, that you need to continue to read about my shortcomings, but there is one more thing that is bothering me. This is something I can fix. If I can get in the correct mindset - this problem will go away. It is 100% mental. I cannot lose weight. I see small successes and then I am back to where I started. I am so lazy about weight loss. For the most part I eat pretty good. It is the getting up and getting moving part I need to do. I can do it, and I know it. I just have no desire to do it. As I am writing this, I am thinking of all the things I did to lose 10 pounds a year ago. So, now I just have to do it. Although, one of the things is a six week commitment and comes at a price...I need to figure out how to make that work.

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