Sunday, July 15, 2007

Deep Thoughts by April...

Lately, I have been really troubled. Nothing is good enough for me. I can't seem to get happy...

Chris and I have had 3 conversations about it, and I feel like nothing gets resolved. He says he is willing to fix whatever is making me unhappy, but I don't know what it how can I give him a solution when I really don't know what the problem is.

I have gotten to a point to where I don't really do anything anymore--outside of my house and my relationship with my family. Why? Because twice now I have said something and it got back to Chris out of context. It made me mad that Chris didn't try to figure out what I said and not defend me.

I really don't want to turn this into a Chris gripe, but maybe there are some underlying things that are getting to me. At this point in my pregnancy with Meadow he was so understanding and helpful. Now nothing. I have to beg him to do laundry and unload the dishwasher. These are two things I physically can't do. I can't reach to the bottom of the washer. I can't stand on anything to put dishes away. Bending over is another story. My center of balance is off.

I fell last week end, and now I am afraid it will happen again. What am I to do? Last week end I missed the last step going down to the basement, so now I refuse to go down there. Last week end I am glad that I was able to catch myself before I hit my belly hard. My right arm and leg took the brunt of the fall.

I guess while I am at thing that really bothers me about Chris is he has let his hygeine go. He hasn't showered all week end. He wonders why I don't want to be close to him...he stinks. I tell him to shower and it is like he doesn't care. I gotta go...I have realized I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to talk to him about...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We did enjoy seeing all of you and being there to share Meadow's first birthday. Mom is telling everyone how her greatgrandaughter is. Lily will be mom's 13th great grandchild a bakers dozen. We love the name's you have picked for your children.
Now for the indifference going on in your life. you have had a very stressful couple of years. Oh yes even GOOD stress gets us. Hopefully in time things will balance out and be good for all of you again.
Love you take care.
Aunt Chris