I feel so guilty

I hope this doesn't happen to me with my children.

Our dogs need to be tied up until my DH can get a fence up around the yard. Both dogs keep getting out of the underground fence, and running around the neighborhood. I trust my dogs, but they barrel at people and animals with great energy. It tends to intimidate other dogs and people.

Lately, and mainly at night, there has been a cute shelty visiting our yard. Last night, the dogs figure out how to open the door. They stayed in the yard with the shelty. They came when I called them. Anyway, at about 10:30 tonight the shelty was on our back deck. Both dogs woke up from a deep sleep, and ran to the door. They were barking and whining to get out to play. I saw the shelty standing on the other side of the door. I felt so horrible, that I could not let them out to play with their friend. DH was sleeping, and there is no way I can manage both dogs in he night alone. They get too excited when they are playing, and don't listen to me. DH has a special whistle they respond to. Dazie and Miischka have played with this dog a few times. The three actually play very well together.

I wish I could take the dog in. He/she seems like such a sweet dog, but timid of people. I am tempted to write a letter and distribute it to the neighborhood. DH thinks he saw the dog chained up at a house at the beginning of the subdivision. I would like to let them know the dog frequents our house, and ask what they would like with the dog.

Update from yesterday

I received an e-mail today stating that my friend gave birth to a baby girl yesterday. Her oldest daughter is excited to be a big sister.

Also, is it necessary that the President has to talk for 2 hours on every channel? I am missing my Tuesday night shows. Not that I don't care about the State of the Union, but I would rather read it. Besides, I know somewhere in those 2 hours he is going to say something to anger me.

Keeping people updated

Somewhere in the rush of life I lose track of my friends, and they lose track of me. I have an IRL (In Real Life) friend (who I will call Beautimus), who informed me through IM that I need to update my blog.

This week end I e-mailed a bunch of friends who did not know I am pregnant, among other things, to let them know what is going on in my life. I got two responses back that made me believe that they did not get that I am pregnant. Which makes me laugh, because I know I tend to ramble--causing them to miss something. Hopefully, through this blogging experience I will get better at story telling.

Amongst the congrats, I find out a friend is going to be induced today. This is her second child. I keep checking my e-mail to see if her husband has had a chance to e-mail us the news! This was first I heard she was pregnant. LOL. She said that she thought another friend (K) would update everyone. I assumed the same with my pregnancy. I thought for sure my best friend would tell K, and my friends from college would find out through the grapevine. My friends are not gossips, but I we talk amongst ourselves. It isn't that we want dirt on eachother...it is just very hard to get ahold of our large group. We have busy lives. Thank God for e-mail.

Anyway, I should check my e-mail to see if any baby news has been delivered!

routine appt

Today, I had a routine doctor appointment. I opted to get a test done that screens for birth defects. I would like to prepare myself as much as possible. I have only gained 2 pounds at this point, and I am 17weeks 4 days. I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. It is 152.

I also talked to the doctor about the back pains I am having. Turns out I have siatica (not sure how it is spelled). He gave me some options to try. Other things I have tried have not worked. He reccommended a Tylonel and a heat pad on the lowest setting. The pain usually occurs a couple hours before bed, and hinders my sleep.

Also, my skin has become very sensitive to the elements. I can't wear jewelry anymore.

DH didn't come with, his is recovering from Bronchitis.

I scheduled an ultra sound for 2/10. I can't wait to find out the gender of the baby.

Damn the cravings

So, at 4:00 PM I was craving fried onions. So, I made hashbrowns with onions for myself for supper. Now, I am craving chocolate milk! I feel like such a bottomless pit. Hmmm...maybe I will just make use the chocolate syrup and make some. OK, I made some. Now, just wait for the next craving, and hoping I have it on hand.

I can't leave the house because DH is really sick. He needs to me to be here for him incase he needs something. He can't even get out of bed.

I did...SOMETHING!!!

So, I layed out fabric for the shell of the dog bed. I need to sew that, then I can start working on the pillow insert part. I just don't feel like sewing this late at night. I figured out my fear...fear the pups would get in the way, and I would lose my cool. It happened, and I did. I almost beat Miischka, so I put them outside. Hopefully, in the next 24 hours I can sew the shell...

Now, I am hungry. What to eat...what to eat.

I am so glad Miss Oklahoma won. I didn't like Miss Georgia's answer to the question about what most shaped your life. I don't think she really answered the question. I would have just gotten to the point as they only have 30 seconds to answer the question.

HMMM...what should I be doing?

That is the question I do not want to ponder tonight. I am parked on the couch with laptop infront of me, and just beyond that is the TV with the Miss America pageant. I haven't watched it in a long time. I can't remember the last time I watched the pageant. I think my life got int the way of TV watching at one point. Which is completely OK. I like the dress Miss South Carolina has on (it is when they are announcing the first contestants to go on).

Now for those of you wondering what I should be doing....DH wants me to sew a dog bed for Miischka. We bought one for Dazie awhile ago for $15, and we can't find one that is that affordable...until Hancock had a great sale. Why am I neglecting craft? It is not that I don't want to do it. I am almost afraid to. I am really not sure where the fear originates from.

Other projects I have on my plate: a poncho for my God daughter, accessories for the baby's room (bumper, organizer, drapes, and dust ruffle). I also want to make a scrapbook of me and DH growing up for the baby. Shoot, I forgot to ask MIL for pics of DH. I will have to e-mail her. She spent the night her last night.

I love James Denton. He is hosting the pageant. Hmmm...a lot of Southerners made the top 10. Well I am going to cut out the pattern from fabric...who knows maybe I will blog more.

Hormones

Today, has been a good day. I tried to blog yesterday, but DH and I got into a huge arguement during the writing of it. Yesterday, nothing put me in a good mood. DH even took me to Cold Stone Creamery. Twice I blew up at him. He really did nothing to deserve it. At one point, I said, "I don't think you understand what I am going through, or what I am feeling, the pain I am in." I am having a lot of back pain.

I believe he thinks I should be able to do everything like I normally did. I can only do chores in spurts. Next week, I have a dr appt, so I will talk to him about it then. DH has been getting on my case about the house going to crap. I really hope I hit the nesting stage soon. I need to get ready for that garage sale.

I started working on some sewing projects. I hope once I know the sex and name of the baby I will be more motivated to do something. I was looking at Heather's scrapbook stuff on e-bay. That got some wheels in my head turning. I really would like to create a scrapbook to welcome the baby.

Today, at work we were talking about what the gender of the baby is. A woman I work with believes it is a girl. Others believe it is a boy. I just want a healthy baby. Although, I have a puppy with health problems, and I love and care for her the same as I love and care for our healthy adult dog. One dog needs a little more attention. The other just wants it.

Tonight DH and I really connected with parenting. Dazie has really gotten spoiled and sassy about getting her way. She thinks it is OK to be up on the furniture. Before Miischka we never condemned it, but now my peebutt wants to be on the furniture all the time. Miischka is still having bladder control issues. Even with the new medicine, she is still having issues. It is only at night while she is sleeping though. She just needs a bath everyday. Anyway, Dazie has gotten into the habbit (just like a kid) of if Daddy says "no" ask Mama (and vice versa). She was trying to get up on the couch and DH said no, and then she came by me only to get another no. Then she started with the begging for food with the same results. I am so happy that we can agree and enforce what eachother says with the dogs. I hope this happens with our children.

I hope I didn't ramble.

Short term goals

God did not intend for me to do certain things. I am very aware of the things I cannot do (struggle with). With a baby on the way these things are things I need to get better at and master. I have never been much of a housekeeper. What I need to do in the next couple of months...is get my house spotlessly clean, organize, declutter.

Actually, I am good with organized clutter, but I will admit I am a HUGE pack rat. So, is DH. It will be interesting trying to get him to downsize. Some of my neighbors and I are having a garage sale in March. I will need to get everything organized for that. My plan is to take the money from the garage sale and put towards a savings account for the baby.

Homesick?

I need to vent. Some people are so slow. This is what I mean. From May 2004-July 2005, DH was looking for a job in the area we lived in, in Wisconsin. He even looked 1 hour + radius around our home. McDonald's wouldn't even get him in for an interview. I made good money and we could make it on what I made. We were fine. But, still it had to be emasculating for me to be bringing home the bread and him nothing. We learned to enjoy a boring life.

anyway, I was looking at a news site for the area I grew up in Wisconsin. They recently, had a revelation: "According to a new study $5 billion dollars in household net worth left Wisconsin between 1995 and 2000 by losing highly-paid, well-educated, people.They're moving out of state faster than those from other states are coming to Wisconsin.Leaders of the Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance say its mostly 20 somethings and seniors leaving.The researchers think they're chasing what they perceive to be better economic opportunities, better weather, and lower taxes in other states.Experts say it translates into less tax revenue here, fewer assets for state banks and less support for local charities." According to a new study $5 billion dollars in household net worth left Wisconsin between 1995 and 2000 by losing highly-paid, well-educated, people.They're moving out of state faster than those from other states are coming to Wisconsin.Leaders of the Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance say its mostly 20 somethings and seniors leaving.The researchers think they're chasing what they perceive to be better economic opportunities, better weather, and lower taxes in other states.Experts say it translates into less tax revenue here, fewer assets for state banks and less support for local charities. http://www.weau.com/home/headlines/2164647.html

It took the state 10 years to become concerned about educated and wealthy people leaving the state. Now, I wonder what are they going to do about the situation? Really, I would love to move back, but what is the point if we can't find jobs. The company I was working for downsized, so isn't a logical choice for me to go back. There is another company I would love to work for (actually there are a couple), because they are good strong companies. I would love to live close to my family. My mom doesn't like to travel, but if she could make it to see me in a couple of hours she would be willing.

More about my puppies

Recap: Dazie is our 2 year old and Miischka is our 6 month old puppy.

Last night, Dazie was chewing on a bone in the area between our living room. We have an open format house. Miischka kept annoying DH and me. She is not allowed on the furniture, but yet she tried to crawl on our laps. I had let recently let her out, fed her, and filled up the water bowl. Finally, after a half hour I say, "Miisch, do you need to go potty?" She heads to the back door. I get to the back door and open it. Miischka runs out onto the deck, and Dazie decides she would rather be outside than chewing on a bone. Dazie bolts outside and Miischka bolts to the bone. She lays down and begins chewing on it. Mind you there are 3 more bones laying on the floor nearby. 2 of them are the same type of bone. We got outsmarted by a dog....

For the pregnant pet owners reading this, have you seen K-9 Karma? It is about a yoga instructer who teaches with her dog. Anyway part of the show she helps people with different things in their life. She is pregnant and she has been giving tips on how to prepare your pets for the baby. One thing she suggested is start getting baby products around the house--get the animals used to the smell. Try to get a tape of baby noises (crying, cooing, etc), and play it periodically. She told one lady to set the baby's room up as she plans to have it. Anyway, I started using baby lotion and baby shampoo, and now the dogs want less with me....hmmmm I hope this means they won't bother the baby.

Responses

When, we find out what the baby is I will let you all know. I believe it is 6 more weeks until we find out!!!!! Not that I am counting. I just got DH to agree on the middle name for a boy. I didn't really have to convince him though...

I have a lot of friends and coworkers who think the baby is a girl. I guess we will see. If it is a boy, it will probably take after DH and be somewhat of and exhibitionist. I understand what you are saying CC, about your little guy having his hand on his penis. NOTE: My DH doesn't go in public naked, but likes to be as close to naked as possible. Now that we live in an area where people don't give notice before showing up, we makes sure he has pants and a shirt on while we are awake.

New Year's Eve, our neighbor got locked out his house. We were the only ones home in the neighborhood with a spare key to their house. DH only had boxers on when the neighbor showed up. He was scattering for pants and a shirt. I felt really bad for our neighbor. He lives five house away, we have large lots, and he didn't have shoes on.

Well, I need to think about going to bed. I have to be to work an hour early. They need help doing inventory, and they start doing inventory at 7. My supervisor has made it extremely known that I am not to be lifting anything heavy. I am glad she is understanding, but I get annoyed at her over protectiveness. I sort of understand though, her sister has had two sets of twins...

BTW, not that any of you know what I look like, but I got my hair cut tonight. I got about 6" cut off the length. My hair is shoulder length now, and I got layers put it. It looks super cute. I think my husband thinks it's sexy.

Well good night.

Sweet Dreams

I did it! When I was at work, I thought about what I could blog about, and wrote it down!

Last night, I had a real vivid dream. In the dream I was having some issues with my pregnancy, and the doctor got us in right away. They did an ultra sound to make sure everything was OK. There were two nurses in the room. The first nurse left, and the second one got quiet and said, "She was not suposed to do this." Of course we were curious to what the first nurse did wrong, so we inquired.

She asked us if we were interested in finding out the sex of the baby. We told her "Yes," and she showed us the picture. On the bottom it said "Baby Boy (Our Last Name)."

I told a lady at work and she said that the dream meant that I am having a girl. Like it matters the sex of the baby. We really want to know, so we can prepare for the baby. I feel bad calling the baby, "baby," I would like to call him or her by the name we picked out for the baby. I would like to start making wall hangings.

I am starting to get excited about the baby. I wish I could have it now. 9 months just seems to long to wait.

Down sides of pregnancy

So, last night I wake up at 3:30 am. I have cramps from my sternum to my pelvis. They were worse than anything I have ever experienced. I went to the bathroom, and everything seemed fine. The cramps were mostly gone by time I went to work. They seemed to go down when I had to walk around the yard looking for my dog (who I swear is acting like a real teenager). Someone told me the cramps are my body's way of preparing for pregnancy and birth.

Also, at work they won't let me do physically demanding things. Today, they wouldn't let me sit on the floor and look through a box. My husband on the other had thinks I should do everything he can. Which my body does not agree with.

Fear

Today, I was reflecting on what CC said about not all Southerners are close minded. Actually, I had a conversation with a lady at the park this morning which got me thinking more of it. Specifically, the people I am referring to are the people I work with. Through talking to this lady, I realized that these 4 ladies aged 24-49 let fear run their lives. I swear one of the ladies is afriad of her shadow. I believe they are afraid of change.

One lady used to live in an unsafe neighborhood, and now she lives in a really safe neighborhood. She still won't leave her house afterwork regardless of how light or dark it is outside.

Reflections of 2005

There is a message board on iVillage I used to frequent and the community leader posted some questions that I thought would be good for me to ponder and reflect on.

What were your top 5 accomplishments for 2005?
1. Housebreaking my Siberian Husky puppy.
2. Got married.
3. Moved 1,000 miles away from my family.
4. Got pregnant.
5. Found a job after being laid off for a month and a half.

How have you grown? It has definately been a growth experience relocating so far from a familiar life, to one that seems very foriegn to me. I am experiencing culture shock. Which is odd, because I spent two weeks in France eight years ago, and did not experience culture shock. One thing I am learning is how to deal with close minded people. I am growing by learning how to deal with more difficult personalities.

What makes you feel proud about yourself? Watching my two dogs, and knowing they are healthy and well behaved, because of the care I give them. Spending time in my house, in a good neighborhood, and being able to afford the payments. Being loved by my husband. Not gaining any weight during my first trimester. I have been able to get around any obstacle in my life to get to my goal (I have overcome a lot of adversity and proven negative statics about my upbringing wrong---according to statistics I should not have went college)...So here is to setting awesome goals in 2006 to make me a better person, wife, mother, daughter, and friend.

Pregnancy

Heather brought up some good topics for me. I would have blogged yesterday, but we got home really late from a wedding. Yes, we went to a wedding on a Wednesday night.

Yesterday, we had a doctor appointment. My DH was able to come with. The doctor just made sure I didn't have swelling in my ankles. Everything must have been good, because the doctor didn't say anything negative or alert my attention to worry about it. That is one thing I really like about the practice I go to, the doctors don't get you worked up over something you don't need to worry about. They don't say you have 1 in a million chance...they believe if the odds are that good then why bring it up.

I was happy to know that I am at my prepregnancy weight. I lost some during the first trimester. Which I think is good because I was up to 190. I am back at 190, but I think the weight I gained back is due to being pregnant. My chest has gotten extremely large, so tops and bras don't fit right anymore. My belly has changed shape, so my pants really don't fit anymore. Target here I come.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday. I was really happy DH came to my appt with me. I think it made it more real for him...as if he wasn't already excited. The doctor was really happy with the heartbeat. What he could hear of it was really strong. Everytime I took a deep breath in (which was a lot, because I have a stuffy nose), he would lose the heartbeat and have to find it again. DH thinks the baby likes snow, because the background noise sounds like a blizzard to him. I asked him if that is another sign we need to move back to Wisconsin. I got no answer.

My dogs have become really attached to me during my pregnancy. Dazie won't leave my side, and Miischka has gotten more affectionate. Huskies are pretty affectionate dogs, and I love that about the breed. I have to say there comes a point when I have had enough kisses. Also, I have noticed the further along I am the more Miischka wants to chew on my dirty underwear. She even digs it out of the hamper. UGH!

This is enough tonight. Note for next blog: Miischka's vet visit.

Topics

Does anybody have any suggestions about what I should write about? Last night, I couldn't sleep, because I kept thinking about things to blog about. Guess what!?!?!? I can't think of a darn thing to write about now. I could have written my ideas down, but that would involve turning on a light, letting my eyes adjust, finding paper and a writing utensil, and then trying to fall back asleep. Mind you this is well after midnight, and I have to wake up in a few short hours.

Potty Training

Sorry, I am such a lacky about writing in my blog. I really don't have a good excuse. I have never been good at journalling. I think about it all the time, but never get around to it.

Anyway, we got our puppy, Miischka, in October. With in 48 hours of having her, we find out she has a bladder control problem and worms. We get the worms taken care of and we think we have the bladder control problem taken care of...well sort of. At first the vet thought she had a bladder infection. The meds he put her on helped some what. At this point I understood that, she didn't have the concept of going potty outside. But, the poor pup was urinating on herself in her sleep. You could tell that she didn't have any notice that she had to go. She wouldn't sniff around to find a place, she would just go, and sometimes she wouldn't even squat. Anyway, DH sees another vet in the same practice. And he believes she has an incontinence problem, that she will probably have until her first cycle. So, she is on a steroid for that. It is really not helping anymore.

My In-Laws were here for Christmas. My MIL noticed that she was drinking a lot of water. Which lead her to believe the puppy may have diabetes and that is why she is urinating on herself in her sleep. Not only that, but we discovered this week end that the poor thing has some sores on her belly from urinating on herself.

I am really impressed, despite the health issues we have been having, with how far along she has come in potty training. After about a month, somehow she would tell our adult dog, Dazie, that she had to go potty, and Dazie would come tell us that they needed to go out. She does this by putting a paw or two in our lap to get our attention. Then, if you say "potty" to her she will go sit by the back door. I would let them out and watch. Dazie would stay on the deck and Miischka would go out in the yard to do what she needed to do. Within the past week Miischka has been telling us on her own that she has to go. I am so proud. And not only has she mastered letting us know she has to go out while she is awake, she learned "Sit" also. If you know anything about Siberian Huskies, they are hard to train. It is not because they are not intelligent, but they are extremely stubborn.

Well, I better get to bed. I need to call the vet tomorrow, since they were closed today. I really need to get Miischka tested for diabetes and to see how bad her sores on her belly are. I hope what ever she has it is treatable.

Where is the joy?

I am so tired. Today, I woke up with a head ache that refuses to go away. DH and I are trying frantically to deep clean the house, as my in-laws are coming here for Christmas. I just don't think my DH understands how pregnancy can take a toll on a person. Especially, one who is not in the best physical shape. Anyway, with the head ache and tiredness I already pocess, he expects me to do the work that requires the most bending. Several times I feel like I am going to faint. I try to explain this to him, and he tells me to take my time and do what I can when I can. OK that is acceptable. Then, the next minute he is acting like I am not cleaning fast enough for him. Is it not enough that I am working 50+ hours a week and he is working 40? Does he care that he would have to work 64 hours a week to make what I do? I am on salary. I try to tell him that my body is warning me that I am doing too much, and that it would not be good for the baby if I faint...but I get no response. So, either he is ignoring me or he doesn't want to admit he is wrong to any degree.

This is the second major thing he has done to get under my skin since Thursday. Thursday, hmmmm...oh what a day. So, we have a terrible ice storm. He decided not to go into work. Fine, because he would have wasted gas going, because the plant didn't have power. He decides to take me to work...to make sure I get there safely. Wow, this guy is really nice and cares. Anyway, after an hour at work the power goes out there, too. We wait for about an hour-hour and a half before getting the go ahead to go home. So, I call him. He picks me up and then complains that he is spending his day off "driving Miss Daisy." I have already been at a place I despise, wasted 2 and a half hours of my day to get that??? We get home to find out, that we also have no power. Which, is somehow my fault btw.

My neighbor works at a local hotel. They had a room left, so she called me to see if we would like it. DH said no, b/c we can't afford it. The hotel room would have cost at most $50. He ended up going out and borrowing a kerosene heater, and buying over $100 of supplies so we could survive until the predicted Tuesday. Tuesday, is when they predict the entire area will be up and completely running with electricty. After he gets us to where we can survive, he is then concerned about how the kerosene will affect the baby. What was wrong with the hotel? There would be no fumes to worry about, and they have wi-fi.