Meadows vocabulary

now includes:

Momma
Dadda
Dazie
No
Milk
Night Night (she will go into her room saying night night, night night... when she is ready for bed)
Yes

I think I have also heard her say Meadow...but I am not sure. With Night Night it took me awhile to figure out what she was saying.

Update on my deep thoughts

Things are getting better--we have been keeping the communication lines open. It is still a struggle at times, but I feel we are making progress.

Chris has been receptive to what I have to say, and he is listening. He still interprets my words as nagging or yelling when I am not raising my voice or using a different tone.

He has been treated for depression before, and is reluctant to be treated again. After some research (that was easy to get) I found out that the treatments he had before had REALLY bad side effects. That was over 10 years ago. I think there are new methods out now that are better. I think there may be more natural ways to treat his depression.

I know my hormones will come to an end in a few weeks...

Deep Thoughts by April...

Lately, I have been really troubled. Nothing is good enough for me. I can't seem to get happy...

Chris and I have had 3 conversations about it, and I feel like nothing gets resolved. He says he is willing to fix whatever is making me unhappy, but I don't know what it is...so how can I give him a solution when I really don't know what the problem is.

I have gotten to a point to where I don't really do anything anymore--outside of my house and my relationship with my family. Why? Because twice now I have said something and it got back to Chris out of context. It made me mad that Chris didn't try to figure out what I said and not defend me.

I really don't want to turn this into a Chris gripe, but maybe there are some underlying things that are getting to me. At this point in my pregnancy with Meadow he was so understanding and helpful. Now nothing. I have to beg him to do laundry and unload the dishwasher. These are two things I physically can't do. I can't reach to the bottom of the washer. I can't stand on anything to put dishes away. Bending over is another story. My center of balance is off.

I fell last week end, and now I am afraid it will happen again. What am I to do? Last week end I missed the last step going down to the basement, so now I refuse to go down there. Last week end I am glad that I was able to catch myself before I hit my belly hard. My right arm and leg took the brunt of the fall.

I guess while I am at it...one thing that really bothers me about Chris is he has let his hygeine go. He hasn't showered all week end. He wonders why I don't want to be close to him...he stinks. I tell him to shower and it is like he doesn't care. I gotta go...I have realized I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to talk to him about...

April News

Because it has been so long since I have posted anything about myself. There have been a couple of developments in my life.

My pregnancy has been going well. As in pretty uneventful, which is good. DH and picked out a name awhile ago. We found out that the baby is a girl, and her name will be Lily Christine. It was a real painful. For days I was coming up with lists of names and DH kept rejecting everything. Finally he asked, "What would you name the baby if I weren't involved?" I said Lily. He actually thought about it and agreed to Lily. You cannot imagine how many times I brought the name up!

In the whole coming up with a name process I was also interviewing for a promotion. So, after 7 months of working in a challenging area of outerwear and cold weather accessories, I nailed the promotion and am now the Associate Technical Designer for Boys Knits. The process was painful, also. The previous time this position was open in a different area they only did one round of interviews, and a decision was made that week. With this opening, the managers and director met several times to hammer out a decision.

After a week of trying to come up with a decision they had it narrowed down from 5 candidates to 2. I had less than 24 hours to prepare for the 2nd interview which was a practical exercise in fit, which I was not comfortable doing. I didn't have much experience with. I must have done darn good because they offered me the job a couple of days later. They also restructured the area to help the other candidates gain better experience in the spots they were weak.

I have spent the past three weeks learning my new role and new area as well training the person to fill my shoes. Now we are working on trying to figure out what to do while I am on maternity leave.

It's been over a year

It is so hard to believe that a year has passed since I had Meadow. It is hard to believe I am sitting here waiting for her to fall asleep. She is playing around in her crib and jibbering. I feel like she has accomplished so much. She is saying Dadda, Momma, Dazie, Night Night, milk, and then there are her favorite babbles.

Yesterday she had her one year check up. She got her MMR and Pnuemonia vaccine. She is in the 90th percentile for Height coming in at 30 1/4" and the 50th percentile for weight weighing in at 20# 4 oz. She wasn't sure about the doctor poking and probing at her. She kept looking at me and DH to see if what he was doing is OK.

Meadow's party was a success I think. I got the house clean enough. Every one seemed entertained. She enjoyed her cake. As soon as I can figure out how to get the video uploaded here I will post it.

More Milestones!

So, all week I was frustrated that Meadow would not walk for me. Everyone from the daycares she goes to--to DH told me how good of a walker she is. What? She won't walk to me...Well, Friday she finally started walking when I am around. She really has to concentrate on what she is doing, but still it is a big accomplishment. She has also started climbing. That happened last week end. She climbed on a booster seat that was at grandma and grandpa's house. She also climbed up the stairs. I am aware she was doing it at daycare too, but we don't have many toys for her to climb on.

So, we ended up bringing home a chair, which she likes to stand on. It is made of plastic, so today DH decided to buy her a plush chair. We were afraid that she would fall off the plastic chair, because it is not so stable. She seems to like to lounge in her new chair though.

Also, her top two teeth have been giving her problems for about the past month. What was really frustrating is that we could see them about to break skin for a few weeks now. Today, one finally broke through. It must have happened last night, because it wasn't there when I put her to bed...so hopefully the next will make an appearance soon.

Meadow updates

Words she can say: Dada, Mama (only used when she is mad), Dayday (for Dazie). She can wave bye bye, and shake her head no.

Tonight she walked a about a yard on her own. I had to pretend I wasn't watching. I have noticed if she knows I am watching she will drop to her knees and crawl to me.

She has been eating so much at meals. Tonight she ate a meatball, 1/2 a jar of broccoli, carrot and cheese baby food, plus a half a banana. I wonder where she is putting all the food.

Now, I am going to work on planning her b-day party...1 is coming up fast.

Tag...Your It

In response to being tagged by Heather...here are 7 random facts about me.

1. I tried really hard to think of something random, then I realized it wouldn't be random if I thought about it?

2. I put new bedding on my bed today. By new I mean it has never been on a bed before.

3. Meadow isn't feeling well...I think it is teeth...I am having a hard time with it too.

4. I had an ultra sound 4/30. We couldn't tell the sex of the baby b/c it's legs were crossed. The doctor ordered another ultra sound to monitor the baby's growth for June 6th.

5. In college I was rarely in bed before 2, and now I am lucky to make it to 9.

6. When I was real young I bit through my tongue while playing on a trapezee bar at a campground. I got to eat ice cream the rest of the night. I have scar in the middle of my tongue from that, and having my tongue pierced.

7. I was going to say that I have never had stitches, but I remembered I had them 10 months ago from having Meadow.

Noticing new stuff of sorts

I have some much needed blog catch up to do. Hopefully, I can get to it by the end of the week end...so that is my blog challenge to myself. First I will be participating in Heather's Wednesday Blog Challenge. This week's topic is to seek out something in your normal routine that you have not noticed before. This was difficult for me since my normal route to work in now detoured for construction. I couldn't really find anything profound. A couple of things though:

The outdoor tables at work only 1 does not have an umbrella. On a glorious day who wants to spend their lunch break under an umbrella when you have to be stuck inside the rest of the day?

There is a gas station in my town that all week has been $0.05 than the rest of the stations. Now that the rest of the station are at $3.19 that is a real important note.

They don't carry the really yummy brownies in the convenience store at work...just the cafeteria. Who has time to walk to the cafeteria when they want a snack when I work above the convenience store?

The USPS mailboxes through out the town I live in are brown not blue (except the one by the post office and the one on the main street).

I think that is about all the noticing I did this week.

Quirks

I decided to participate in Heather's blog challenge. For this week she has challenged her readers to make a list of their quirks. I think I decided to do this one, because it is actually challenging for me. I actually have to think about what makes me quirky. I have to do this on my own, because there is no one to ask. I could ask DH, but his responses would be biased to his opinion. OK, so here it goes--deep breath:

1. I read all sorts of blogs and never comment.
2. I don't make my bed, because chances are I will sleep in it again.
3. I talk to my dogs like they are humans. Sometimes DH and I have respond for the dogs.
4. I waste a lot of time on the internet.
5. I wear my clothes several times before washing (this does not include undergarments).
6. I am obsessed with cleaning my ears. I had a bad blockage in junior high, and ever since I am determined to keep minimal wax in there.
7. I barely write in my own blog, but expect others to update theirs regularly.

I think 6 is enough for now.

Exciting Milestones

Meadow took her first two steps while playing with her daddy and Grandpa Saturday, while Grandma and I were shopping. I completely missed it. Then on Sunday she took another two steps toward daddy again in going from our couch to him.

Tonight she said, "Mama". DH didn't believe that she said it, so he said, "Mama". She repeated, "Mama". I was so excited--I almost cried.

Meadow has...

tooth #2! It must have come in either last night or today. It wasn't there at dinner last night. It is the left lower tooth.

She is also standing on her own for short periods of time. Once she made it for almost 30 seconds. I had to hold my breath to wait for her to do something. The something was she fell on her butt.

Out of the mouths of babes

Meadow has become quite comical. I can't believe the things she is doing. I have two funny stories I want to share.

Meadow has started the "d" and "b" sound in her babbles. Anyway, last week she crawled to the baby gate while I was getting ready for work. She then pulled herself up, and started "talking". When I looked at her she was holding on to the gate with one hand and swinging the other like people who talk with thier hands. I thought it was so cute.

Friday night I had a friend over for dinner and game night. We put Meadow in her exersaucer to keep her out of trouble. To keep her from fussing DH gave her some Gerber puffs. He said to her, "Tell me when, " as he poured them onto her tray. When she had quite a bit, DH said, "when?", and Meadow shook her head "no." It was so funny.

Then, DH said, "What do you mean no?"

Meadow shook her head again, as to say, "No means no...I want more!"

The big announcement again

I was trying to keep this secret until our family knew, but I am pregnant again. I am due the last week in August. So Meadow and baby #2 will be 14 months apart. I am really excited that they will be close in age. I feel so distant from my brother b/c he is almost 10 years younger than me. DH and his brother are 5 years apart and even as BIL has entered adulthood they still seem to be a different maturity levels. DH of course is insisting it is a boy. I am trying to plan incase it is a girl and he isn't budging.

Guess what Meadow has!?!?!

This morning I looked in her mouth, and her bottom left tooth finally broke through! She has been struggling with teething for such a long time. She had the worst symptoms for a month. I felt so bad for my little peanut, but I was overjoyed when I saw the little bit of tooth poking up from her gum.

Public Service Announcement

The lady who found our dogs said that she appreciated how well we had our dogs IDed. I want to stress to any pet owner how inexpensive and easy it is to make and ID tag for your dog. Most Wal*Marts have the machine near the check outs that makes them and it is under $5 for tags. They do have more expensive designs. Usually you can put up to 4 lines of information. Our dogs only have their name and each of our cell phone numbers on their ID tags.

Even if you have a cat it is important to make sure he/she has identification. When I was talking to my aunt about the ordeal, she said her cat got loose. She lives in an apartment complex. The cat was found across the street from the apartment complex.

Our dogs are also microchipped. Some of you may think it is unnatural. I think it is crucial if you have pets who go outside. There is an ID tag they get with the microchip. The ID tag has the 1-800 number for the recovery agency (our dogs have different agencies for their microchip) and an ID number. A lot of Humane Societies and Animal Shelters have scanners and will scan animals as they arrive. Some vet clinics even have policies where they scan all new patients. Each microchip cost under $30, and it is inserted between the shoulder blades. It is about the size of a grain of rice. Some agencies require a yearly fee, while others it is just a one time fee.

Dazie has the Companion Animal Recovery (CAR) microchip from AKC. Miischka has the HomeAgain microchip. The reason it is different is because of the vet that they got it at. It just depends on what the vet carries. If you want anymore information, let me know. Both are easy to update with information if you move.

Also make sure they have their current rabies tag. That has the dispensing vet's information on. Vets have records of which dog has which tag number. That has assisted a friend of mine when her dog was lost. They called the vet office and the vet office contacted her with the finder's information.

They are home safe and sound

Just wanted to let you know the search is over. The dogs were found 5 miles from home. They were attracted to a house with dogs and horses. They are pretty pooped out and are sleeping in their normal sleeping places. Miischka does have cracked paws from the elements. She has a missing nail on her back right paw. Dazie is fine.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and well wishes!

24 1/2 hours later and stll no sign....

I feel like some one ripped out my heart. At 4 am, I checked atound the house again...The treat pile was still untouched. I hate the look on Meadow's face. It does look like she lost her best friend. Her and Miischka were, I mean ARE, good buddies. It is very difficult to remain positive at this point in time. Last nighy I convinced myself that if Dazie got snagged, she would chew her leash off...afterall she did it with her Gentle Leader halter. I am hoping they are still together. I am praying like I have never prayed before. We are good puppy parents, help lead our girls back to us.

REWARD!!!!

REWARD!!!!

My dogs ran away this morning. I called the sheriffs department and they said the girls were spotted South of town on the busy highway. Dazie has a blue collar on with a purple leash (and the collar did report that the dogs had a leash on), and Miischka just has on a purple collar. If you want to see my adorable dogs I have pics of them here. Dazie is the brown and white on, Miischka is the black and white one with her head in the water bowl.

At this point in time they have been missing 14 1/2 hours. My DH is out again looking for them. I have called vet clinics, the Humane Society, and Sheriff's department (several times).

I believe I have posted pics of the girls before. I will try to post some more if I can get them downloaded.

Why does this stuff happen to me?

Last week FIL called and offered to babysit Meadow. Well, my car was leaking oil, so we couldn't get her to FIL's (2 hours away). This week end MIL offered to babysit Meadow so DH and I could celeberate a late Valentines Day. Guess what!?!?! both dogs ran away this morning. DH is out looking for them. To top it off, my great aunt passed away last week. Meadow also had a fever Thursday and Friday. It just doesn't seem like we have had good luck lately.

You tell a child no to let them know they are doing something they shouldn't. With Meadow you catch her about to get into trouble and tell her "no" she starts crying. You would think it is the end of the world. Is this the start of a drama queen?

The other thing I wanted to document is that she always sucks her index and middle finger on her left hand. Sometimes she tries to cram more fingers in her mouth. I keep wanting to document this, but it is a part of everyday life.

This picture means the world to me

Here is my papa and Meadow at Christmas:

I was walking by and he grabbed her from me. He even had a pile of gifts to open on his lap.

Come out come out where ever you are!

So, of the blogs I read, three have been updated today (and one several times). I was going to post comments on some to ask what is going on....then I thought that is so hyprocritcal of my...because I couldn't remember my last post.

Meadow has had diarrhea for 2 days now. Today, she has had a problem with eating. Yesterday DH had issues trying to get her to eat. Today, she is hungry with a vengence. She wouldn't take any pedialyte for DH yesterday, but sucked it down for me today. Meadow did so good with it today, that I had to run to Wal*Mart to get more. The problem I have today with her is that she has only had 1 good nap. Normally she takes 2 good naps. The three mini naps she took today got disruppted by dogs. Only one of mine caused the problem (twice today), but the neighbor dog was howling all day while her owners where gone.

I can't wait to move.

Now that you have what I have been up to today, I want to see your update! Let me know how you all are doing!

Picture Update

For some reason...I cannot download the pictures off my camera. My computer crashed and I have to re download all my programs. My photo software happens to be in the storage unit. No ETA on when I can retrieve that...

Do I look like my mommy?

My first Christmas (approx 9 1/2 months old)

Meadow's first Christmas (approx 5 1/2 mos old)
Yes we are wearing the same dress!

Mamma's Girl

For the past quite awhile Meadow has preferred me. It has now gotten to the point to she has to be able to see me at all times. If I leave the room she will cry or whine until I come back. I did figure one thing though. She tends to crawl towards me when she needs something, but she knows I will solve her issue rather quickly. DH tends to get discouraged when he can't figure what is wrong with her in a couple of tries.

Although, yesterday at swimming lessons she wouldn't let Chris get out of her sight. Next week he is getting in the pool with us. He wants to participate in the free time, but not the organized activity.

Here are some things she has accomplished so far:
Sitting alone unsupported...this includes getting into a sit position from laying down.
Army Crawl
Getting up on hands and knees--rocking back and forth
Knows that the buttons on certain toys will make them function.
Holding own bottle
Drinking out of a tippy cup
Giving Kisses
Laughing
Giggling
and tonight....we lowered her crib matterress. She seems to be sleeping well in it.

Conflicted-Advice please

So, I have this friend at work who you either love her or hate her. When I first met her I didn't like her, but now that I have gotten to know her better I enjoy hanging out with her. She isn't from anywhere near the area we live now. Her fiance who she has been with for several years is back in the town where she went to college. She doesn't have a positive outlook currently, because of being away from the love of her life for an unknow period of time. So far they have been away from eachother for approximately 4 months.

Also, at work she isn't being used to her full potential. It is almost like her supervisors don't want to fully train her. They give her the same task to do day after day all day long. Then one of her supervisors went on maternity leave and didn't have her well prepared to handle the workload.

So, we get together at a local yarn shoppe for a yarn crafts (knitting or crocheting). Anyway, there was a request made by somebody for me to tell my friend to not talk so much at the get together. This person was mature enough to tell some one and have that some one tell my DH to tell me. Actually, the last time we went she didn't complain or say anything real negative. The only conversation she really lead was about the project she was working on. She was making a scarf for a friend and she wasn't sure how long to make it.

When DH told me this he said the person making the request described my friend by a physical feature and "the one that complains about work." If anything I was complaining about another coworker. I was really annoyed with another coworker, because she wastes a lot of my time. She needs a lot of hand holding.

My internal conflict is that I don't know if I should say something to the friend or not. I told DH that I thought it was real immature to think I would be the messenger. I did mention something today, because DH said he talked to a lady who worked at the yarn shoppe on Friday. The lady was telling him about the things we talked about and that it annoyed her. I thought it was directed toward me, because I led the conversation among my friends. What really upset me about this lady is she kept participating in the conversation. And we only talked about the issues at work for a few minutes. Then we talked about dogs, satellite radio, and stocks. Actually we spent most of the night talking about dogs.

Splash

Today, Meadow started swimming lessons. She had such a good time. We started the class with walking in a circle singing action songs to help get the babies acclamated to the water. Then we worked on ways to hold the baby so they get accustom to kicking. During free time, Meadow chased a rubber duck. During the second session of free time we swam laps toward DH and then toward the other end of the shallow area. Meadow was laughing a lot of the time. We can't wait until next week! We even talked about going swimming as a family this week.

Happy 6 mos Meadow

To my baby, Meadow with all the love in my heart. I love holding you in my arms, looking at your smile, watching you grow and learn, and spending every minute I can with you. Thank you for a wonderful six months of my life. I hope to leave the love in your heart that you left in mine.

We are all sick

I read blogs today of people who were reflecting on 2006. I wish I could do that. My mind is so foggy, because of this miserable cold I have. I was nice enough to share it with Meadow and DH. Yesterday and today I spent a few hours in bed cuddling with Meadow. Dazie joined us too. DH checked on us at one point yesterday, and told me we looked so cute. The three of us were zonked out.

P.S.

I forgot another special moment my family got to share:

Papa had gone through a box of photos he had found at his house. He had brought some from the early 80's. I couldn't believe how young my grandfather looked in 1980. It was interesting to find out that I remembered what the old wall paper in the kitchen looked like, the feeling of comfort seeing Papa's old recliner brought me (He has had a few since then, but it was the nostalgia that matters most).

I wish I would have asked Papa if I could borrow the pictures until I could get them scanned in, then I could make copies for everybody. There was one of me when I was two, at my cousin's first birthday, I had two cups in my hand, and was trying to drink out of them at once. It really made me laugh. Then there was one of me with Grandma's wig on. It's amazing how old memories can bring warmth to your heart.

Good times with Family

We had a very busy week end. I would like to blog more about it, but there were a few special things that I would like to write about.

First, at DH's Grandma and Grandpa's it was the first time in 20 some years the entire family was there. DH's parents had a hard time making Christmas, because FIL worked retail. This time of year is always busy for him. For the DH's cousin was in the military, so he wasn't able to make family functions. Last year DH and I couldn't make it because we didn't have any time to take off work. I think that was very special to Gma and Gpa.

Second, it was the first year were most everybody had made a holiday on my mom's side of the family also. One of my cousin's was very fashionably late, but that is his personality. Mom said he showed up an hour after the last person left, and he was bummed that he didn't get to see me. Soemthing real dear to my heart happened. My papa was sitting in the recliner. I was holding Meadow, and walked by. He grabbed her from me, and said, "Lemme hold her." It was so cool watching him interact with her. They really seemed to enjoy eachother. This is the second time they met.

I thought this was cute too, but I missed the abosolute cutest picture. Maybe, my cousin's girlfriend caught it. This is their baby (who is about a week and a half younger than Meadow). Before I got the camera, he was trying to eat Meadow's feet. They are both teething. It was really cute watching them interact with eachother, now that they are a little older.

Procrastination Nation

Hi, my name is April, and I am a procrastinator. I have put off cleaning our bedroom so long. I tried to start at it tonight, but Meadow is having a fussy night. This is her second night in a row, where she is having trouble sleeping. We are going to be with family for the week end. I have every one pakced, but me. Problem is I need to do more laundry (which is now DH's job.) He has a load that has been in the washer for the past two hours. I think I am going to have to cave and just do a load so I have something to wear over the week end.

Tonight we opened presents. We took many pictures. Meadow was fascinated with the paper. I really wish we would have opened presents earlier in the day so she would have been more intriqued by her new toys. Well we have three more Christmas's. I have a sneaking suspision she will be more interested in the paper rather than what is in the package.

Best Kept Secrets

I keep thinking of things to blog. At the instant they thought pops in my head I think it is so profound. I make note of it, and by time I get home it lost it's sentiment. I really don't know how profound you will find this entry.

I have heard businesses use the phrase, "best kept secret." Now, if your in business and it is a secret, how long do you really think you will stay in business. There was a place I went to as a kid called Rainbow Falls. It was a small water park in Central Wisconsin. They had all sorts of merchandise that said, "Wisconsin's Best Kept Secret." I thought it was a great place to go, because I had better chance of going there than Noah's Ark in Wisconsin Dells. The last time I went was about 5 years ago. The last time I drove by the place (2 months ago) it was large car dealership. See what being a best kept secret led to the demise of the water park I enjoyed going too. Sure the slides weren't as fun as Noah's Ark, but the lines were a heck of a lot short.

Do you want to know about a good best kept secret? The always vacant women's bathroom on my floor. The women's bathroom closest to my office is often full. I had to go real bad the other day, so I trekked across the atrium to the other bathroom after realizing the one closest to me was full. To my pleasant surprise I found it vacant, very clean, larger, and it had a little vanity area. Then I realized the offices close to that bathroom are full of men. The original bathroom doesn't have the vanity area, because it was converted into a Mother's Room. It is equipped with everything a lactating mother could need to express milk (except certain equipment). And I wonder why my supply dried up...

Nightmare

So, last night I had a nightmare. For some reason it is still haunting me. I know the parts that disturbed me would NEVER happen. I told DH about it this morning. I don't think he realized why I am so upset by it.

THE DREAM: These two friends of ours decided to remarried to each other (*Lucy and Bill*) after being able to work through their issues. DH and I lived in this beautiful historic house, and they wanted to get married there. At the rehearsal they played a video dedication for their friends and family. The video was interrupted with a scene from a pornography. I was convinced DH had something to do with inserted porn, so I tried to track him down. I couldn't find him or the bride and groom. After an extremely long time I found DH. I found out he had cheated on me with my mom. I was so furious. Then I found out the bride and groom were in on it too.

I am still bothered by the dream and DH's reaction to it. He said he would never cheat on me period. Subconsciously, I think I feel betrayed by him for with some of the things he does and says. There are times I bring it up and he finds a way to blame me. I blame him back. We bring up the past and other short comings.

What do you think.

I guess I am boring...and this got long

Tonight I was catching up on message boards, blogs, and other websites of interest to me--when DH asked me why I kept looking at other ppl's houses. At that moment I was looking at Heather's packing accomplishment. I sarcastically said to get ideas on how to arrange our boxes. Currently our kitchen is full of full boxes, because living in this apartment is very temporary. Hopefully in March or April we will be able to buy another house...but that depends on various other things. DH inquired about the things I write about MYSELF on line. I said Meadows Milestones and some other thing not completely related to myself. I had to open my blog and look at it and find the last entry that was really about myself was when I took up crocheting a couple of weeks ago.

It brings me to the conclusion that once you become a wife and/or a mother, your life is really not about yourself anymore. My life seems to revolve around DH and my DD (darling daughter). The other day I was reading Kelly's blog entry with photojournal about how her life has changed since becoming a mother. I really thought I should do something similar. Take my camera with me for a day and document my life. I really wish I could do a compare and contrast, but that would require a trip around the U.S. I am not prepared to make.

I guess I really don't know what to write about myself, because I don't know what you may find as interesting. Another point is that I don't really think a lot of people read this. Even though I sent out links a long while ago. I remember distinctly that a friend of mine (Beautimous) complained when I didn't update my blog regularly. Now she doesn't have regular internet service.

Lately I have felt blah though. Really I don't know what I can equate it too. The fact that I can't fit into clothes that fit one year ago, S.A.D., being in limbo at work, adjusting to the MAJOR changes that have happened in my life. Last night was the first time in a long time that I worked out. The last time I attempted to work out I remember going to the Y just to have an excuse to shower there. DH had the bathroom tore apart to get rid of a mold issue we had. As an FYI the last time I had a YMCA membership was May 2005, so about a year and a half ago. Granted since then I have majorly moved twice, got married, had a baby, and had some major issues at work I guess I can't really blame myself for letting myself go.

See I admit it, I have let myself go. Something I vowed I would never do. Well, here is to getting myself back. As part of My New Adventure I will document the "me changes". I know I have somethings I need to work on, so I will try to use this as my sounding board.

Housekeeping skills
Physical fitness
Mental health
Nutritious eating
Not playing the blame game
Effectively communicating with DH
Truly finding myself
Creating and maintaining relationships

I can sit

Yesterday, we realized Meadow can sit pretty well on her own. She can't sit for long, but it is definately a milestone in my book. She has gotten determined to hold her own bottle also. Last night DH was just holding her bottle, and she was sitting by herself sucking the bottle.

We also went to get pictures taken with Santa yesterday. I know it doesn't mean much to her yet. I can't wait to get he pictures back on Thursday. She smiled very well for the camera. I had her dressed in her Packer outfit, and Santa said that she must be a good girl if she is a Packer fan already.

Saturday, my friend gave Meadow her Exersaucer. It is an immediate hit, but Meadow has only managed to go backwards in it. Poor Miischka keeps gettting hit with it, because her favorite place to lay is in the path of the exersaucer...which only goes in circles. Meadow does know how to step sideways too and turn around in it....if we could only get her to go forward...it would save her some tears. She will realize she isn't close to me anymore and starts to cry. Our living room is so small she can't make a complete circle with it.

DH

DH is horrible at giving me gifts for the ocassion it is meant for. This year, he hit a day after Thanksgiving sale. I knew he bought my gift. He told me it was hiding in the house. I was not a bit interested. I really wanted to wait until Christmas to open the gift he bought me. I was cleaning our bedroom. When he found out, he got me out of the room, put the gift in something less see through. The bag sat in the living room in the bag for two days. I could tell it was killing DH not giving me the gift. Well, the other day I let him give me, my gift--a new digital camera.

Here are a couple of pics I took with it...

I think Dazie was trying to cuddle with Meadow...

Meadow our future Packer cheerleader.

DH is such a wonderful father. He gets all the fun of being a parent at this stage. He will play with her and sing. When he sings to her she laughs so hard. She screeches when she does it. It is so funny. It makes me laugh. The funniest part is that DH doesn't always know the words to the song, so he will make them up. He sings off key purposely. I just can't help to laugh...neither can Meadow. I should try to get video of it.

Crocheting

I decided to pick up a new hobby. Crocheting. There is a neat yarn shop in the area we moved to. On Thursday night there is a Knit Night. Some work associates and I decided to go this past week. It was a good time. I decided to make a scarf. I really don't have much done yet, but I know it is going to look awesome.

I am worried b/c DH works with the shop owners BF. She mentioned to DH that the crew I was with and I were giggly. The others at Knit Night were quiet. Hmmmm.... do I go alone next time, should I tell my collegues we need to be quiet, or not acknowledge the situtation...

Beach Babe

This is from her first time at the beach almost a month ago.

I finally took the pictures off my camera.

I didn't want to, but I couldn't take it anymore

With all the stress that came with starting my new job, my milk supply has ran out. I couldn't get Meadow to take the breast anymore. I tried to pump and only a small fraction of an ounce would come out. I stressed my self out about it. I sunk into a depression. It was horrible. I was irratible and irrational. I was hoping to go a year. I was upset with myself that I wasn't making enough milk for her anymore. After a couple of weeks I have come to terms with it.

On the week ends it was very difficult to breastfeed or pump as we got so busy. We were constantly doing something. Visiting family, moving, exploring the area. I regret it so much. I almost resented the week end.

In retrospec I could have handled things differently. I did get really shy breastfeeding in front of family. I didn't have any problem in public--full of strangers. I used to be the person who had no problem with my body...but psychologically I couldn't phathom whipping a twin out infront of DH's family. What was going on in my mind. I had issues in my family to. Mainly, it was because of the way one of my aunts asked me if I was still breastfeeding. I felt like in my head she was trying to come up with a reason to degrade me.

I think part of the reason I was so shy is that I didn't feel my family's support. Isn't that crazy? I didn't realize my FIL was breastfed until his mother told me. I know DH and BIL were breastfed. I had two aunts who breastfed, but no one seemed to be willing to offer the support I needed. DH just kept barking at me about pumping. Duh, I know I needed to pump to keep my supply up--but I am was so stressed out. When am I suposed to pump when I feel like I had to be the one to hold her and feed her. When she couldn't get milk out of either breast...what was I suposed to do. DH even critisized me for looking for online support--was I wrong in some way?

To DH breastfeeding was so important. I feel though, that he gave up on me too. He was never encouraging. He would just tell me how many ounces he needed for her while I was away. To him it was all a numbers game. I know he is upset that I blame him, and he doesn't think it was his fault, but c'mon I could have used the support and encouragement.

First Time Away

I barely made it through the past two days. I had to work yesterday for 10 hours. I gave the babysitter the day off. When we left my in-laws on Friday night, we left Meadow. MIL said she would take Meadow for a couple of days. So, I could work. DH was suposed to work also, but he ended up getting the day off. They didn't have the items they needed for the project they were working on.

Thursday night on the way home we stopped in Mad Town for a couple of drinks and came home. So far so good. Although, I did have second thoughts all the way there. DH kept reassuring me. Then, we came home. Still no problems. I didn't have an issue until, I woke up Thursday morning and looked in Meadow's crib. She was not there. I got ready for work, still attracted to Meadow's room. Like I really thought she would aporate into her crib. Maybe, I thought I could do some sort of Jedi mind trick to get her back.

I made it through most of the day at work. MIL called to say she needed our insurance information. She wanted to take Meadow to the doctor. She was weazing while breathing. Otherwise, the she said that she was happy and eating well. I got her the information. She took her to an urgent care center to find out she has a virus. Meadow was prescribe a decongestant.

We met for dinner tonight, and I got my baby back. She looked at me like she didn't recognize me, or maybe she was mad at me. Really, I think it is just because she isn't feeling well. Just now she was fussing in her sleep. So, not like my girl.

What did we do with a night to ourselves. Really, not what I expected. We went out to dinner. We went to MP for a drink. Then we came home and called it an early night. I slept in for the first time in along time. I woke up feeling refreshed, but like something was missing. I couldn't wait to get out of the house. DH and I decided to go do some of our Christmas shopping. We got a good portion done.

Laughter

I heard Meadow laugh for the first time today. She was fussing, so I got in her face. I tried to be is silly as I could be, and said "what's the matter?" She let out a big laugh. I think she only wanted attention. She has been that way all day. I wonder if she is starting to teeth... She wouldn't take a nap today on her own. We had to let her CIO (cry it out). It was painful for me. Luckily, DH and I had a U-haul to unload.

DH said he has heard Meadow actually laugh many times. She obviously thinks he is very funny. Sometimes all he has to do is look at her and she will shoot him a HUGE smile. I wish she would do that with me.

4 mos Dr appt

Today, Meadow had her 4 month check up and vaccinations. She needs to keep vaccinations up because she goes to daycare while I am at work. She cried and cried for her shots. I had a hard time comforting her. She was fine once I put her in her car seat. Here were her stats:

Birth Weight: 7# 11oz
Current Weight: 11# 6oz (25th percentile)

Birth Length: 19 3/4"
Current Length: 24 1/4"

The doctor said she is very healthy. He even said she is a peanut.

A brag, some TMI, and something fun

Meadow has reached some milestones (in my eyes) recently. She has gotten good at grabbing things. She started putting her hands on her bottle and "guiding" it to her mouth. Next we got to her briefly holding her own bottle in her mouth. Tonight she actually held it until she fell asleep.

Since we have started giving her food, her poop consistency has changed. It has gotten hard, and tonight her poop looked like an actual turd.

Now for the more interesting stuff. Meadow got to visit another state over the week end, and fly on an airplane. It was her grandpa's 60th birthday and her grandma threw a surprise party for him. So, we boarded a plane Saturday morning to go to Florida, and came back Sunday night. She did so well. People kept looking at us with disapproving looks. I could just see people thinking, "I hope I don't get stuck near the baby on the plane." Meadow was so good. She ate until she fell asleep. Then when we deplaned, people exclaimed, "You have such a good baby!" Now, think before you think...

Survey

Thursday we are getting pictures done. I am not sure what to Meadow in. Here are some options:

Long sleeve white onesie with embroidered peter pan collar with light purple coverall. Coverall has small ruffle trim around neck, armholes, leg openings, and on two pocket patch pockets.

Same long sleeve onesie above and pink overalls.

White turtle neck long sleeve shirt with pink overalls

Pink velour jacket and pant with white onesie underneath.

What do you think?

I know you've missed me

I have been with out e-mail for awhile. I am sure you would like an update, but I am not sure what to write.

My MIL found us a cozy 2 bedroom apartment with a full basement in the new town. We have what we need here to get by for the next six months (our lease length). The dogs miss having a yard to play in, and it has been difficult getting them to realize they can play in the basement. DH has made a play area for Meadow in our living room.

Meadow is getting better at sitting. She can't quite sit on her own. She has good control of her head. She got another cold last week that had us all very worried. DH took her to a doctor, which he really liked. He was very informative and perscribed Meadow some medicine that kicked the cold's butt! Prior to him taking her in, the babysitter called because she was scary unresponsive. The babysitter was was very fearful for her. She has also mastered rolling over (that just happened this past week end).

We started giving her cereal on the 17th. I couldn't keep up with how much she was eating, and we were supplementing with formula. I think my milk decrease due to the stress of moving and what not. She didn't quite get the spoon, so we gave her oatmeal in her bottle. Yesterday, DH decided to try pears with a spoon. We had some success. She seems to put her fingers in her mouth after eating to help suck the food down.

We like the new babysitter. Meadow seems worn out when she gets home, so I know she is getting a lot of playtime. The babysitter is good about keeping me updated.

DH hasn't found a job yet. Hopefully soon something will materialize. He's been good about get errands done though.

My job is going good. I hope I get through the 3 month period. I really like the company, my coworkers, my job. I haven't gotten to the point where I feel I am truly adding value to the team, but I feel productive. I am learning again...I feel challenged...I feel like I am getting my old self back. Maybe there is something to being close to home.

In retrospec living in SC hasn't been a complete loss to me. It was a good learning and growing expereince...about myself.

Off the subject: we got cable and internet today. We have way too many learning channels, and I know my chances of watching what I want are nill.

This is all I can post tonight. My eyelids are very heavy. Feel free to post some questions. Maybe that will motivate me to write more.

Can you see me shaking my head?

Yesterday, I went shopping for new clothes for my new job. The dress code is different, and I don't have clothes for that dress code. Anyway, while trying on clothes Meadow pooped in her diaper. So, when I was finished I took her to the nearest bathroom. The family bathroom was locked. I went into the ladies bathroom, took her out of her stroller, and set her on the granite changing table. The bathroom was actually very nice. Anyway, I took out the wipes only to realize there is one wipe. Her poo went all the way up her back and chest. So, I used the disposable changing pad to finish cleaning her up. Then I grab for a diaper. There are no diapers in the diaper bag! I forgot to put more in. So, I use another disposable changing pad as a diaper.

I got back to the store. Summoned my friend to hurry up. We went to Babies R Us. I grabbed a pack of diapers and travel wipes. Then I grabbed some other things we will need during our move (hat for Meadow and a warm outerwear suit). Checked out went to the bathroom only to find the changing table there loaded with diapers. By this point she had peed.

We got home and started playing some board games. My friend realized we forgot to go to Petsmart. Which we both needed to do (her cats out of food, my dogs out of food). On the way home we stopped at Sonic. While we were waiting for our food Meadow starts crying so DH grabs her out of the carseat and starts changing her diaper. Guess what?!?! I didn't put any more diapers in the diaper bag! But I did put the travel wipes in the diaper bag after I used them at Babies R Us. So he had to use a burp rag.

You would think I would have learned after the first time to double check to make sure there are enough diapers in the diaper bag.

The post you have been waiting for

I quit my job. I got hired on with a company closer to my family. The pros outweigh the cons. OK, out of the piece of paper I wrote them on there were only 2 cons...the page was filled with pros.

I couldn't handle me complaining about my job anymore. So, I fixed the problem. I got a new one. I am going to be starting in the next 2-3 weeks!

Busy Busy Busy

Really, I have tons of stuff I have wanted to write about. Problem is I don't get much of a chance with working and taking care of Meadow. I wouldn't trade it though. I have so many pictures on my camera I NEED to download. I am hoping I will get a few minutes to do so tomorrow.

Meadow is "talking" more. She likes to use "gaaaaaaa" a lot. She always says it with a smile. Speaking of smiles, she has started to get dimples. I think she is going to be trouble for DH and I. She has such a cute smile. And I think her eyes are going to stay blue. Those are the two reasons I think she is going to be trouble for us. She really likes to engage in conversation with DH. Earlier tonight they were having a contest to see who could get the loudest. I don't know if Meadow has realized her voice capabilities yet.

Another reason I haven't been around much is that Meadow has had a bad cold. I took her to three different doctors before we were able to get her something to help her feel better. DH had a bacteria infection also the week before last. I had spent a week trying to get my family feeling better. Then my in-laws came for a visit. All in all things have been pretty busy for us.

I want my momma!

Meadow only fusses when something is truly wrong. She was fussy the day she got her shots, but that is to be expected. The only other times we have heard her fuss are: empty belly, full diaper, or upset belly. Today, I when I picked her up at the babysitters, I could hear her screaming when I got close to the house. I walked in the door and they told me she was fussy the whole time she was there. They thought that is was out of character for her. I took her from the babysitter's arms and she was quiet almost right away. It was like she was saying, "I just want my momma!" It made me feel so good. I can't wait until she gives me those big open mouthed kisses. Thanks Candace for letting me know what I all have to look forward to!

2 mos check up

Meadow was a real trooper today. She had to get three shots and an oral vaccine today. Her legs are bothering her, so I gave her some baby tylenol. Since then she seems fine. Now she is talking to the animals on her swing. She is up to 9 pounds 15 ounces and 22 1/2" long. Her head is 15" in circumerfence. Her stats at birth were 7 pounds 11 ounces, 19 1/2" long, and her head was 13 3/4". The doctor said I could start giving her small amounts of cereal. I am not sure if I will do it. I wanted to wait until she was 4 months old to start introducing her to cereal. I will have to talk to DH about it.

She showed the doctor she could roll over, coo, keep concentration on mom, and smile in reaction to me. I was so proud of her. Those were all things at the beginning of the appointment he said she should start doing soon. Ha! she is doing them now.

The babysitter did say she was fussy today, so I will attribute it to her not having tylenol. I wasn't told to give her anything or do anything to help her with the discomfort. The nurse was kind of flighty today. She forgot to give me my form that showed which vaccines she got today. Then it took her 15 minutes to get it.

Hopeless due to feeling stagnant

I love my family with all of my heart. From my immediate family, to my extended family, and to my friends in the Midwest. I miss them deeply—and it depresses me. What depresses me even more is my work situation. I feel so hopeless and stagnant there. It is like I am going no where. There seems to be no room for growth for me.

My boss does not try to develop us to be better employees or try to contribute more. I honestly believe she is intimidated by me, because I am goal oriented. She seems to pick on people. The work atmosphere is worse than the atmosphere at the high school I attended. She hasn’t attempted to pick on me since I have been back from maternity leave, but I am waiting for her to try. I have noticed she is picking on a coworker of mine. I really feel for the coworker, because for a long time I was the target of my bosses ridicule. There was and is no reason for it. This girl just wants to do a good job. She puts forth an honest effort. I have double checked her work and for her experience level she has done a very good job. I kind of think I was getting picked on and my coworker is currently getting picked on because my boss is lazy.

This is what I see in common: when I got done with a project, I would ask for a new one. My coworker does the same thing. My boss doesn’t have anything “ready” because she is busy doing personal work. She will give some mundane project, like go over other projects you did (like ones that are already being produced) and make sure everything you were supposed to do is done. Hello!!! It had to be complete in order for us to send it on to be produced. I know my coworker is extremely bored.

What then happens is the boss will find something to pick on her for. Like asking me a work related question. IE we were discussing a process and she would get told to stop talking. OK, I was on maternity leave for 6 weeks and a process changed. I was curious to the details I needed to know. Today, we got snipped being on break when she was on break. I was under the impression that we were allowed two breaks a day (not including lunch). Really, we just were introducing ourselves to the new person in our department.

For my family and friends in the Midwest: We (DH, my child, and I) need your prayers and wishes that I can get a job back in the general vicinity. I have talked to a recruiter for a company some time ago. Tonight, I applied for several jobs. I need to be happy, and let’s face it—this is the most miserable I have felt. I deserve to be happy. I have a loving husband and precious daughter. I shouldn’t have to feel like my work situation is wearing me down.

My Little Packer Fan

It must be in our genetics! Meadow and I were watching the Packer/Bengals game tonight. She was pretty content watching the game. Then, when Brett threw the first interception, Meadow started crying. I don't think she liked that. I put her down after I got her calmed down, and she started crying until I could position her to see the game.

Updates

Working hasn't given me much time to blog. Anyway, I am super comfortable with the babysitter. DH and Meadow do fine together during the day. I just hate being at work. It would be different if we were busy, but this is our slow time. My mind often wonders to Meadow.

We have reached some milestones this week. Meadow is more alert and seems to really be looking at us. If we ask her to smile (with a big smile) she will smile back. She has also gotten to be quite the talker. I was reading her a Dr. Suess story today, and she kept cooing. I take it she likes Dr. Suess. Today, I went grocery shopping, and noticed she was trying to sit up in her car seat. It was really reclined in the shopping cart. It seemed to me that she was trying to sit up and look around. DH was holding her tonight, and he said that she kept pulling her head forward. At the moment he had her propped on her legs. She somehow ended up on his belly totally uneffected. DH thinks she was practicing gymnastics. With how well she likes baths, water, and tumbling I wonder if she will be a swimmer or a gymnast?

I had my 6 week check up this week. While in the waiting room I was reading a local parenting magazine (which I brought home with me). I FINALLY found some mommy and me gym classes for newborn on up. I would really like to do water exercises with her. Also, there were local mom's clubs listed. I really want to look into that. I think it would be good for us to get out and meet other moms in our age group.

I don't want to do this

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Today, was extremely difficult. I could handle her going to the babysitter. I could handle leaving in the morning. What I can't handle is feeling like I didn't spend enough time with her. When we got home tonight I was exhausted. I had a hard time entertaining her and trying to get something for me to eat. I really don't like this frustration I feel. I really wish I could be a stay at home mom. I would even settle for a work at home mom. I just want to be home with my darling daughter. Well, I better get to bed.

Refections from the week

I had the busiest week since having Meadow.

Saturday, I had a baby shower. Left Meadow with DH for about 3 hours. It was nice to interact with adults.

Sunday, we went to BIL's, and didn't get home until 1:30ish am.

Monday was spent recovering from the really late night.

Tuesday cleaned house. We usually do that on the week end, but spending time with friends and family trumps cleaning. I had a neighbor come over for a visit early afternoon. Another bit of nice adult interaction.

Wednesday we had a visit from DH's aunt and uncle. We hadn't seen them in over a year, so it was real nice to spend time with them. I wanted to run errands Wednesday night, but DH accidently took both sets of keys with him to work. Good thing there wasn't an emergency.

Thursday I got pampered with a day spa package. I had a massage, facial, pedicure, and manicure. It was so refreshing. I should have done it along time ago. I finally ran the errands I needed too. Still neglected the weekly grocery shopping, which I know I am going to have to do on the week ends now. Anyway, I was going to have a bunch of friends over. We normally take turns getting together at eachother's houses. We chat and snack on appetizers and desserts. I was expecting 8 people. Only two showed up. I had made turtle brownies, salsa roll ups, and put together a cheese and sausage plate. I also bought a fruit tray. Needless, to say I have a lot of left over snacks....and darn the really tastey brownies.

Friday we went to the park. See previous post.

Today DH is working on a built in entertainment center. I did the grocery shopping for the week and returned some items at Target. I have heard people complain about the return policy at Target, but I had no problem returning the items sans receipt.

I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. If the weather is nice I would like to go to the park again.

"The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades"

We went for a walk in a park yesterday. I bought Meadow some sunglasses to wear while we are outside to protect her beautiful still blue eyes. She looked so cute:

We took the dogs too. The walk goes along a river, and the dogs had an opportunity to go swimming. Really, only Dazie enjoys swimming, and Miischka wouldn't go deeper than her belly. I nursed Meadow while the dogs and DH played in the water. Then we walked the path for about an hour and a half. Meadow was fussy for about half of it. One clean diaper later she was fine. It was so difficult to find a place to change her. I ended up changing her on top of a picnic table. On top of that we would have liked some water, but none of the close by establishments were open. Those were the only negatives of the day. If we were better planners we could have avoided thristing almost to death.

Nap Time!

I asked DH to watch Meadow while I showered yesterday. I sat her in the boppy next to him on the couch. When I finished, I came out in the livingroom to find this:

First College Party

Do you remember yours? All I remember from mine is standing in a circle with my friends in a crowded basement getting beer spilled on me. I know I didn't have a good time and kept asking myself why people went these parties. I paid $5 to get in, and I was sure I was wearing more than that in beer.

Last night we took Meadow to BIL's apartment. He goes to college close by. Two of his roommates were there along with some of his friends. DH played beer pong. We played Gestures and Scene It. It was hilarious. I laughed so hard a couple of times I thought my stitches were going to rip. Meadow was a trooper. She got passed around, and didn't really fuss unless her diaper was full or her belly empty. I was so happy to see that she was so good with strangers. It was so nice to have adult social time.

DH said that she did well at her first college party. Well he probably thought that, because he didn't have to worry about our daughter being at meat market.

Good People

I haven't heard from my mom in a week. Actually, over a week. The last time I dialed her number I talked to my brother. I was on his case about getting a job. Anyway, she was at a bar tonight, she was about to leave, and a friend of hers walked in. This friend I haven't seen in awhile, and I know she hasn't seen him in awhile. Anyway, from what I got from the conversation he made her take his cell phone and call me.

When I answered the phone, I saw that it was an area code from the area I grew up in. The prefix was foriegn to me, but being that most of my family lives in that area code I answered the phone. On the other end there was a familiar male voice. I demanded to know who it is, because who really has my cell phone number? I only gave it to people I want to contact me. He was unsure if I would remember him, because the last time I soberly talked to him I was still in high school...maybe 16 at the oldest. He told me his name and asked if I knew who he was. I repeated his name with his last name. He was happy to know I remembered him. Actually, the last time I talked to him was shortly before I started dating Chris. It was at a bar--I couldn't have been too drunk, because I remember talking to him and which bar it was. And it wasn't the Moose.

This is the second time in the last month an old friend of my mom's has donated a cell phone for her to call me on. Well, insisted she call me from his/her cell phone. I believe though these people secretly wanted my phone number and to talk to me also.

Above I mentioned the Moose. The last time I was there my cousin (who isn't much younger than me) told me I was too old to be there. OK, so the bar is a bit of a meat market, but I only go there to visit my single friends. Or to be supportive of them. This cousin was probably 21, and I was 24 or 25...

Anyway, I really appreciate everything anyone has done to help my mom and I stay intouch. It has really been hard for us being this far away from eachother.

Change is Good

I hope you don't mind the changes...I was in need of some.

Changing clothes

In reference to Heather's blog entry tonight~She posted the question: Why is it when you put on clean clothes they manage to spit up 2 minutes later?

Well here it is 3 am. I have changed Meadow's clothes 3 times already tonight and mine once. The first for both of us was I had finished feeding her. She burped and started to fuss. So, I sat her in my lap so she could look around like she likes to do. She started filling her diaper. Then, she seemed to relax (a sign that she is done filling her diaper). I took her into her room to change her diaper. I layed her on the changing pad and realized she had poop all over her leg, arm, and bodysuit. I finished changing her and realize I had poop on my shirt and arm. The second time I changed her outfit was because I was changing another poopy diaper. I was about to put a clean diaper on her and she peed. She soaked the clothes she had on. I put her down. I went to the bathroom and I heard her coughing. I ran out to see that she spit up all over herself warranting another change of clothes.

Now if only I would have been smart enough to burp her before I changed her the second time I could have avoided her peeing all over and spitting up all over on herself.

1 Month and Milestones

I wrote some before, but my computer turned off. I lost the entire entry. It must mean those thoughts were not meant to be read.

It has been far too long since I have written. On August 2nd Meadow slept on her belly. She made it fine through the night. I did put her in her bassinet on her side, but she rolled onto her belly.

Sorry the photo quality is blurry, I didn't want to wake her with the flash. She looked so cute with her arms and legs tucked under her.

On August 4th, I took her to my workplace to meet my coworkers. Of course they woke her from her deep nap. I couldn't feed her at the moment and she wanted booby! I put a pacifier in her mouth and she grabbed out. She held onto it for quite some time before dropping it. The next night I was giving her a bath and she grasped the wash clothe with her toes. She has mighty strong toes...I had to pry the wash clothe out of her toes to finish her bath.

Since Saturday night we have been letting her sleep through the night. She nurses well during the day and has plenty of wet and dirty diapers. She seems healthy, so why not let the rest of us be healthy?

Yesterday she turned 1 month old. Here is a picture I took to document her growth and changes:

My thoughts on Motherhood thus far

I love it! I love being home all day with my daughter. It is truly a gift. I wish I didn't have to go back to work. It is so great to wake up to a crying baby and feed and change her. It is so rewarding knowing I can help her, shape her mentally and emotionally, be silly for no particular reason. I think the best part of my day is reading her stories or poems. No, maybe it is looking down at her while she is eating, and she shoots me a big gummy smile as she leaks milk out of her mouth all over me. OK, maybe it is when all she wants in the world is to be by me.

I know she may not always be this way, but I want to enjoy it while I can. I am actually pretty upset I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I will miss my mornings with Meadow. She wakes up, coos, starts to whine. So I get her, change her diaper, feed her. Then we cuddle for a few minutes. Then I read her a story or talk to her for a bit. She takes a nap for a couple of hours...just enough time fore me to shower and eat breakfast. If she fusses while I am doing one of these activities DH will get her and keep her occupied until I am ready for her.

Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had, and the one I want to succeed at the most. It is one where I can see/know how I am doing right away by the way Meadow reacts. Sure right now it is a lot of trial and error, but really what job isn't trial and error?

Tiny

OK, so everyone keeps telling me how little Meadow is, and because she is a newborn I didn't really think about it. Well, then I posted the picture in the previous post. I kept looking at it, and now I realize how tiny she really it.

BTW, Candace, hopefully your next child is a girl! Then Connor will have to grow up to be really strong to fend off the boys. Or maybe you and Tim will just have to work out more to fend of the girls that will be after Connor too (because he is so cute).

Too Cute to Not Share

Isn't she beautiful? DH didn't like the outfit much, but he will have to get used to it...we have a daughter not a son :P It is super hot today and very sunny. We went to introduce Meadow to the daycare provider. I had to make sure she looked super cute before we left.

The Game of Tag

We have been tagged by Elizabeth

3 Things That Scare Me:
-The bouncy seat
-Silence
-When Mom doesn't come when I start fussing

3 People That Make Me Laugh:
-About the only thing I cooed at is Mommy's boob

3 Things I Love:
-Mommy's boob
-When Daddy sings
-Looking around

3 Things I Dislike:
-The bouncy seat
-Having a dirty diaper
-Having an empty belly

3 Things I Like To Play With:
I really don't play yet, but I am mesmerized by the dangly things on the swing.

3 Things I Don't Understand:
-Where mommy is when I can't see or hear her
-Where daddy goes everyday
-Why the puppies have to fight when I am trying to eat

3 Things On My Dresser:
-Basket full of toys
-Clothes that are too big for me
-books

3 Things I'm Doing Right Now:
-Napping
-Filling my pants
-Dreaming about milk

3 Things I Can Do:
-Fill my pants
-Eat like a champ
-Scoot around to make mommy or daddy wonder where I can go

3 Ways to Describe My Personality:
-Stubborn
-Content
-High Maintenance

3 Things I Can't Do:
-Crawl
-Talk
-Eat solid foods

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To:
-Daddy singing
-The music my swing plays
-Baby Einstein CD's (especially at bath time)

3 Things I Think You Should Never Listen To:
-Dazie barking
-The doorbell
-Silence

3 Absolute Favorite Foods:
-Breastmilk
-My arms
-My fingers

3 Things I'd Like to Learn:
-How to crawl
-How to sit up
-How to talk

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly:
The only thing I really consume is Breastmilk

3 Shows I Watch:
-The shows on Discovery Channel
-Becker
-Soaps with Mom

3 Or More People I Tag: I don't know anyone to tag!

Beautiful Pictures

Picture taken at hospital shortly after birth: Meadow trying to climb over the pillow on the activity mat on 7/21.

Hey Beautiful

Tonight I was nursing Meadow. She was fighting sleep, and opened her eyes real big. I made eye contact with her and said "Hey Beautiful". She responded with a huge smile. It was so adorable...like she knew exactly what I was saying. I still can't get over it. I wish I could have taken a picture, but I was sitting on the couch nursing her. The camera was in the bathroom, so I didn't have time to grab it.

I am so deprieved

First of all I am deprieved of sleep. Why? Because my wonderful DH had the dogs with him in the garage while he was working on getting it cleaned and organized. For some reason he decided to slightly open the garage door. Well, Miischka decided to take advantage of the opportunity and get out. I was so worried about her. She got scared earlier in the night during a thunderstorm that we had, and at this point another storm was passing through. She took off about 10 and didn't come home until 2ish. So needless to say during that time I could barely sleep. DH is wondering what I will do when Meadow decides to take off or come home after curfew...

Secondly, I looked up the news in my hometown area/college town area today. I realized this week end there was a music festival I would have liked to go to. Usually I don't have much interest in going, but the line up this year really interests me...now don't laugh...here are some of the bands I would have liked to see: Friday night~Seven Mary Three, Puddle of Mudd, Kidd Rock; Saturday night~Tesla, Papa Roach, Motley Crue; Sunday night~Warrant, Live, Staind, and Poison. OK, so I can't go for two BIG reasons: 1. I live 1,000 miles away and we can't afford to travel for fun at this time. 2. I have a newborn. Rockfest is not a good place for a newborn. Although one year I went to Ozfest with DH and there were several families there. I guess I just have priorities and don't want my child exposed to certain activities that go on at festivals as such.

Well, I better go before the newborn wakes up from her nap.

BTW, I wonder how Tommy Lee is swinging the gig on Saturday night and then handling all the Rockstars on Rockstar Supernova...

Poopcano and other bodily fluids

Meadow is two weeks old today. Time has gone by so fast. I got an e-mail today from my aunt. She asked how is motherhood. It is wonderful. It is the hardest job I have ever had, and the one that I want/need to succeed at in the worst way. DH thinks that I am a great mother. He has "noticed" that things around the house are getting done faster/better. OK, so before Meadow I wasn't much of a housekeeper...nor did I have a desire to be a good housekeeper.

As for daddy...
I was trying to cook dinner tonight when DH called me into the bedroom (where he was keeping Meadow occupied). He told me Meadow needed her diaper changed and he would finish dinner. What I didn't realize is I was dealing with a poopcano. She had poop all the way up her front and back. In my life I have never seen such and explosive diaper.

We (Meadow and I) have had quite a day with her bodily fluids. This morning I had on a scoop neck muscle shirt. I finished nursing and burping her. We were chillin', when she...um...spit up down my shirt. She had perfect aim right between the twins and saturated my bra and shirt. WHen I bartended male customers would try to toss coins down my shirt between the twins when I would walk by with no success. My daughter on the other hand...has amazing aim.

It was a good night

Meadow had been really fussy Tuesday and Wednesday night. Last night I was going to give her Pedialite, but she wouldn't take the bottle. I was going to give her the Pedialite, because I thought maybe she wasn't feeling well. Although last night she was easy to keep occupied. Then, I got an e-mail from my MIL saying that BIL's girlfriend was sick for three days this week. She was over last week, but only held Meadow briefly.

So, naturally I get more paranoid. I took her temperature-97.7 degrees. That isn't anything to get alarmed about. Since, her umbilical cord stump fell out early Monday morning I knew it was OK to forgo the sponge bath and give her a bath in the infant tub.

The infant tub we have has a sort of chair in it. I put her in the chair, and filled the tub to cover her feet. She didn't seem to mind that. I started to wash her. So far, so good. She did not like being rinsed off though. She screamed and screamed. When I was done, I took her to dry her off. She still didn't like that. As a matter of fact she wasn't happy until I got her diaper and clothes on.

The rest of the night she was content. She even fell asleep the time I wanted her to. I was so blessed last night. She even slept well through out the night and nursed well when I woke her up. She even went right back to sleep. Hopefully we can repeat it today. I think we are reading eachother better.

I have a Superbaby

Yesterday, DH had Meadow on her activity mat on the floor on her belly. She rolled to her side, then onto her back.

Today, DH was in the shower, and I was trying to make him lunch. I put Meadow in the pack n play. He came out, checked on her, and went to finish getting ready for work. He came back out to check on her, and noticed she had scooted herself over almost a foot. I had her laying on her side.

A bit ago, I put her on the activity mat on her belly. I put the pillow part under her chest, and she tried to crawl over the pillow. She put her legs under and tried to push herself up. She ended up almost crawling over the pillow part. She did have most of chest over the pillow portion.

I can't believe how strong she is.

1st Set of Milestones

OK, so some babies are more advanced than others. I can accept that, but my girl is amazing me everyday. It has only been ten days and Meadow has already accomplished the following:

Date of birth: lifts head to look around
1 day old: rolls from back to side
5 days old: 1st doctor appointment
1 week old: 1st trip to a restaurant...slept through
9 days old: umbilical cord fell out, puked on momma
10 days old: rolled from belly to back

I am almost scared to see what she will do next, but I am enjoying every minute of it!

What Does Meadow Honestly Think?

Yesterday, she was kind of listless, so we gave her Pedialite. By her next wet diaper she was dehydrated. Her urine was on the dark side. I gave her another Pedialite later. She is doing much better. I think we are going to continue give a 1/2 ounce a day.

Today, we took her to her first doctor appointment. It was feeding time too. I thought I would be able to feed her while we were waiting or something. She was hungry too. She doesn't like to be naked. They had me take her clothes off down to her diaper. I noticed her diaper was wet, so I was changing it. She rolled onto her side and peed all over the table as to say I will show you what I think about this. So, it is not only little boys you have to worry about peeing all over.

Her doctor appointment went well. She gained 2 ounces since discharge and grew 1/2" since birth.

Birthing Story

On evening of Friday, July 7th, 2006 I was admitted to Mary Black Hospital. At about 9:30pm I was given cervedil. Cervedil is supposed to help you dilate. I was stuck at 1 cm for over a month. They can’t induce labor at 1 cm. I was able to eat dinner at 11:30 pm. Then I went to sleep for the night.

At 6:30 am on Saturday, July 6th, 2006 I was administered Pitocin. Pitocin is supposed to help bring on the labor. At 9:30 I was 2 cm dilated. The doctor decided broke my water, and Meadow’s heartbeat dropped. There was meconium in the amniotic fluid. I could tell something was wrong. The looks on the doctor and nurses really bothered me. Before I knew it a nurse handed me an oxygen mask. The doctor was really concerned, and thought if her heart didn’t stabilize we would need a c-section. She had me prepped for a c-section “just in case”. They did hook up a tube to go into my uterus to flush the meconium out of me. Meadow’s heart rate got to an acceptable rate. Every time I would have a contraction it would her heart rate would slightly dip. I would have to switch positions every few to keep it from dropping too much. The contractions were manageable but did get to a point where I asked for an epidural. Then they were about a minute and a half apart.

I was at 2 cm until they checked me at 4:30. I was at 4 cm, but my cervix was swollen. The doctor discussed with us our options at that point (getting a c-section or waiting it out). With how things were progressing, there wasn’t much chance the swelling would go down. I could feel the pressure of Meadow’s head on my cervix and even with an epidural it was very painful. There was a chance with the position of her head on my cervix and with the contractions her head would swell a bit too. For those reasons and the meconium in the amniotic fluid we opted for a c-section.

The staff was great. They were really good about keeping my mind occupied. There was radio playing classic rock and 80’s music. This was perfect, because that is my music preference.

At 5:31 pm Meadow Nicole Anna was born. She didn’t cry a whole lot, and when she did her cry was real soft. Once she was all cleaned off, they let me see her. DH took a picture of her and I on the operating table, and then the staff offered to take a picture of the three of us! When they brought her too me to see her, I just wanted to keep kissing her. I love her so much. I really wanted to hold her then, but for health and safety reasons in the operating room I couldn’t. She is so precious to me.

They stitched me up, and put me in a recovery room for about an hour. I got the shakes really bad. I was told it was normal due to the hormonal changes I just went through. I had a slight case of the shakes when we were making the decision to have a c-section too…I wonder if that was hormones too?

I got settled into my room and by 8:00 PM they brought Meadow to the room. I nursed until 8:30 PM. She was sleepy and kept falling asleep after a couple of sucks. DH and I tried to keep her stimulated enough to keep her nursing. She is a champion nurser though. We have no problems latching on. She delatches herself when she is done. Even if she is asleep. She loves to sleep on my chest. I can’t seem to kiss her enough.

My mother-in-law was able to be at the hospital for her birth. She took some pictures. I am really disappointed that we didn’t get one of DH, Meadow, and I in the hospital room.

I am really happy I went into the birthing process with an open mind. Although, nothing went as planned, I am not bothered that I had a c-section. I am just happy Meadow and I are OK. The pain I am dealing with from the c-section is totally worth it. If I could do it all over again (in the same circumstances), I would. I don’t regret our decision at all. I really wanted to delivery vaginally. I was open to getting pain relievers, but only on my demand. I didn’t want them pushing drugs to me.

Quick Update

Meadow is here. She arrived Saturday (7/8) at 5:31 PM. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 19 1/2" long. I will post the birthing story later.

Breastfeeding mothers: My milk has come in, but she continues to sleep through feedings. I end up nursing for 10 minutes at time almost everyhour. Anyone else had this experience?

First I would like to thank Candace. A whle back she gave me some really good advice about labor. She told me to go into it with an open mind. DH and I were really not wanting for me to be induced. But with the pain I have gone through the past two days has made me feel much better about the decision to get induced tonight. I didn't want to feel guilty about it. I am still not happy about it, but this is a good choice. I feel like my body takes two steps forward and takes a step back. If only it would dialate.

I keep praying they don't have to give me pitocin. Hopefully, the cervedil will do what it needs to do. Now, I just need to call the hospital to see if they give me dinner...

I must sleep

I am extremely tired. I am still not feeling well. Despite my complaints and how horrible I look, I am being induced tomorrow night. My body isn't progressing like it should. It is like I have a bunch of symptoms and then they go away. I have taken two naps today, and I am still very tired. Each nap was like 2 hours long. I can't manage to feel caught up on sleep.

So, hopefully by July 8th I will be holding my little one in my arms.

Sorry if this makes no sense. I feel like I have been studying for finals during my college days with out the caffiene.

My list of grievances

I feel like (insert very vulgar words here). My abs feel like I have been doing crunches and sit ups all night. Here is my list of grievances:
My abs are burning
my pelvis hurts
DH thinks my stomach feels rock hard
I feel like I am going to throw up or have a BM and can't do either
The receptionist at the doctor's office won't let me come in early today, because they are booked.
I have slept most the morning, and so have the dogs. I feel like going back.
My ribcage feels like it going to burst

I e-mailed the above list to my neighbor. She is at work, and has been a champ about making sure I am OK. Anyway, she called me back and told me I could very well be starting labor! Please let this be it!

Still here...

Time just seems to be standing still. I feel like there has been no progress. I thought it was bad when the doctor asked me if I had the baby yet, but it is a million times worse when my V.P. asked me this morning. But, he did give me a compliment. He said I seem very healthy. He was curious to what the doctor had said. Which basically, baby healthy, mommy healthy, no need to do anything.

Well, I guess I have had some progress. About 6 this morning I had my first REAL contraction. It lasted a minute or two and was very painful. It felt like all my muscles were pushing down in my abs. Then, it radiated to my back. I couldn't move it was paralyzing. I forced myself to deep breath until it was over. It did make me feel like I should "push." I know I can do it now. DH was getting ready for work and I didn't want to alarm him, so I waited until he was on his way out to tell him.

I had a catchy title...But I forgot it

I thought of a bunch of things to write about while in the shower. I even thought of a really cool title...Well I thought it was, but now my mind is completely blank.

The past two nights I have had really bizarre dreams. Sunday night I had a dream that the baby was born with a tail. It was about 2" long. We decided not to get it removed. Last night I dreamt that we bought a house that was infected with rattle snakes and black mamba snakes. My grandfather came and got rid of all the snakes.

Since Friday night I have been going to bed by 10 and up by 8. Tomorrow I guess I am going to work. It is 12:30 and I am not at all tired. I really hope I am not "nesting." I did get some projects done tonight. I thought maybe tonight would be the night, b/c I have been having pressure in my pelvis. DH thinks I really dropped. I haven't done anything too strenuous...I worked on getting the birth announcements together.

DH and I discussed tonight, that we will try to put off induction until I get closer to 42 weeks. Today was a big research day for me. I looked up information about induction methods on vaccinations for babies.

OK, this glass of milk is helping make me sleepy. I hope I can be alert at work tomorrow.

It's bad when the doctor says...

are you ever going to have that baby?

As like the past 4 weeks, I am still 1 cm with a 50% effaced cervix. This means my cervix is still not ideal for induction. At this point if they induced there would be a 50% chance I would end up with a c-section. Thursday is my next appointment. We will probably go ahead with the induction then. I have to research the drugs he said he would like to use. I need to really think this over.

After the appointment DH and I went to see Superman Returns. It was pretty good. Then, he took me on a rough ride in the Land Rover. I definately think he shook something inside of me loose. Please pray that I can go into labor naturally.

Sorry, no news yet!

I will admit, I am one of the most impatient people I know. Also, I will admit when it comes to certain tasks I am a perfectionist. For example cooking--I will only cook meals I know DH will enjoy. He keeps telling me I can try something new, but then fear of screwing up or him not liking it set in.

So, what does this have to do with no news yet? I am still at home, going extremely stir crazy. If my aunt is reading this--I have not left the house in two days....two whole days! Yes, I am like my mother in this certain aspect--I need to leave...take me to Target, Wal*Mart, the grocery store, just for a car ride...I do NOT care.

Anyway, I am sick of waiting for Meadow to grace me with her presence. I hate waiting. Just come out all ready. I have had enough. This is not fun anymore. If someone told me to stand on my head to induce labor I would do it...BUT I just got done reading an article about "overdue babies". I think it has helped restore SOME patience. According to the article, while overdue babies are bigger when born (common sense) they have less health problems at birth (like with breathing).

Back to being a prefectionist...I am working on some sewing projects today. I had to take a break, because I got made that I didn't know how to count. I was suposed to cut out six pieces from a pattern, and only did three. Minor, because I have more than enough fabric. Well, I am going to get back at it. Well, as soon as I find where I put my million yards of muslin...

Water Drama

So, last night DH gets a call from his very pregnant, about to pop at anytime wife. In a frenzy she says, "There is water everywhere...I don't know what to do." At that point he thinks his baby is on her way into the world. The pause in the conversation ends with "IT IS COMING OUT OF THE WALL!"

He says, "Call a neighbor, and I will be home right away."

OK, trying to gain my composure I call the only neighbor I know to be home this holiday week end. He comes over and shuts the water off. The switch to turn the water off is under our house, and there is no way I can get under there. He insists that I come up to their house until the situation is under control. Which is good, because I pee once an hour and drink A LOT of water. I really can't go any amount of time with out some sort of water supply. It is a good thig I am good friends with this guy's wife, because she was able to help keep me calm.

We had a pipe burst. It was really the last thing I needed yesterday...two days shy of my due date.

Thank God, I was able to give myself a mini pedicure and take a relaxing shower before the pipe burst. It was perfect timing in an ironic sort of way. I took my shower, dryed off, stepped from the bathroom, planted my foot on the plush blue-grey carpet in our bedroom, and the pipe burst in our bedroom. I didn't even have clothes on, so I threw on my mumu of a nightgown.

And not to keep you in dispense...I am still pregnant.

To the Heathers and the doctor appt

First I am going to try to do two seperate blog entries before I get through my tea.

I talked to DH about posting a quick note in my blog when I have Meadow. He is willing to do it, and actually very supportive. Hopefully, I can show him how to do it before I go into labor. I don't know how fast he would be able to get on-line after I deliver. I know there are several places around the hospital that have wi-fi. I am sure MIL will have her laptop with, so he can should be able to have access.

I am due on Sunday. Actually, today was my original due date, but after the first ultra sound they told me July 2nd which is Sunday. I had a doctor appointment today. Much disappointment. I have had no progress in weeks. I am still 1 cm and the doctor would put me at 50% effaced. Meaning my cervix is still pretty hard. Little Miss Meadow is still head down, but she won't put her head near my cervix. The ultra sound is estimating her current weight at 8 pounds 3 ounces.

I completely understand why people opt to not have the internal exam done. If there is no progress it is frustrating beyond belief! I really think the only reason they do it is to prepare you for child birth.

OK, so I would really like to have this child this week end. DH has Monday and Tuesday off, and then he could spend so much time with us. I started doing some of the old wives tales to help naturally induce labor. I walked about 3/4 a mile tonight. I felt great pain in my belly. I hope it helps her drop. I am drinking red raspberry leaf tea. I think I will do some squats when I wake up in the morning.

The walk was so refreshing. I didn't think I could walk that far. I am actually really proud of myself. I was pretty out of breath--since the first portion of it is up a pretty steep hill. I think DH was leary of me walking alone incase something happened to me.

39 Weeks

First of all I found a link related to induction. I now understand why induction isn't such a good thing.

I also did some research on pain medications used for labor. I really need to read the thing in its entirety. From what I saw I got a lot of good information. I am thinking I will have to rewrite my birthing plan.

The doctor appointment I had today went well. Meadow's heartbeat is about 158. My vitals were good. I am measuring at 41 weeks. On Friday, I measured 38-39 weeks, so in a week end I gained two weeks and lost a couple of pounds. Her head is down, but not completely in my pelvis like it needs to be. Thursday afternoon I have an appointment for an ultra sound, and immediately after I will meet the doctor to see what to do next. I am still at 1 cm, my cervix hasn't thinned anymore. I do keep losing more of my mucus plug. Hopefully, things will progress further by Thursday. I really don't want a c-section or induction.

Dazie's review of Eight Below

Dazie (the adult dog) enjoys watching anything on TV with animals (dogfood commercials, Animal Planet, etc.). Anyway, DH and I went to see Eight Below for my birthday. We planned on buying the movie when it came out on DVD, because we enjoyed the movie so much! I did not realize that the movie was a need until the commercials for the DVD came on, and I could not get Dazie's attention. I bought the movie the day it came out. I couldn't bring myself to watch it, because it isn't always the happiest movie.

Anyway DH watched the movie with Daze. She was jumping up and down, howling, running up to the TV. She has never done that while watching TV. She has seen the movie twice, and still enjoys it. She gives it two paws up! The only parts she found annoying where there were only people in the scene. On those parts she laid down until she knew the dogs were back on.

Induction

My past two posts have had to do with two different doctors and their views on inducing me. In the U.S. it seems like there is this big push towards induction. I have a friend who has really been involved in the medical field. She was explaining to me that there has been an increase in inductions and c-sections because doctors are afraid to be sued if there is a complication. I am thinking the doctor I saw on Tuesday has that philosophy, take the easy way out to avoid any trouble.

The doctor I saw yesterday, is my primary doctor. From the first time I saw him with this pregnancy he has said there is no reason I can't have this child naturally (as in vaginally). Yesterday, he said even though I have remained at 1 cm for 3 weeks my cervix is progressing good. He said in his experience a lot of inductions end up with c-sections. As long as there is some progression in my cervix and I am not way past my EDD there is no reason I need to be induced. He doesn't think that I will go 42 weeks, and he has faith that things will go naturally for me and Meadow. Also Meadow is hanging out too high for an induction to matter. He basically said, when she is ready to come out she will. He said she is a good size baby (meaning length) and he estimates she will be about 7-8 pounds. My DH is tall and I am short, so my body is hurting more as Meadow get longer.